Long time no see.

Ohmog it's been a while. I'm dusting myself off and coming down from the back corner of that high up shelf...

I've been meaning to post something for my massive audience of one to read for quite some time but haven't been feeling all that articulate of late. Actually I still don't feel very literate, but I'm bored and the contents of my SpongeBob Squarepants glass is thought-inspiring to say the least.

So what have I been up to over the last few months? Well. I got a full time job in administration, something I've wanted to do for quite some time. I quit the bakery and paid off my car. Then my boss went nuts, I got sick (again) and I quit my job. Now I'm once again a depressed sole, sitting around plotting all kinds of evilness on the Internet whilst trying to nip this damn brain-disease in the bud, cope with life and work out how to get a job I can cope with because I hate not having one!

Mind you, I could cope with the job I had quite ok. It was the boss I was having a hard time with. It's tough when you're working under a person who changes moods from one second to the next. One moment she's approachable, the next you're getting told off for doing your job and (heaven forbid) actually asking her to do hers! I know, shame on me. She'd tell you to do something, you'd do it exactly how she asked and then she'd tell you that you did it all wrong. If one wanted that kind of insanity in a work environment, they'd hastily apply for a position in the Woolworths chain.
This experience really drummed in something I learnt a long time ago... Women should not be in charge in the work place. It only results in a new-age Nazi regime.

I have saved for my group of one, one of the more humourous examples of my employer's idiocy. The head honchos went to this seminar to improve their business. As with most things, they were all gun hoe (I'm never sure if that's gung hoe or gun hoe, so correct me if I'm wrong as I can not be stuffed Googling it) about it at first, but it soon died off.
One of the things that they were advised to do was make a folder full of instructions for each person's tasks in the office. Basically if one person was away another person would be able to complete their tasks with ease should the situation call for it.

This makes sense.

So I went about doing up a whole bunch of these instruction sheets. Some of them were stupid, things that even a monkey could work out how to do, but I wrote them out anyway. I handed her my stack of paper and she soon handed it back with pencil marks all over. I could tell this was just one of her more bitchy days and her bitchyness was seeping out in the form of "I'm going to be incredibly picky and try and bring you down via your confidence in your ability to do even the most menial of tasks". (That was long winded I know, but remember I said I wasn't feeling very articulate. So bite me!)
So I look through them and start to make the stupid changes, when I reach this one... For laminating purchase codes. The task in itself is self explanatory.

But what was her complaint about the instructions? I'd scan it for you, but I haven't installed my scanner software yet, so all you get is a list.
Step 1: I explain where to find the purchase codes to be printed/edited.
Step 2: Inform them they must print the codes on coloured paper, and that the paper must be a colour that is visible against the boxes - so not grey, white or black.
Step 3: I explain that they must cut the codes out, arrange on the laminating pocket and then when the laminator is heated feed them through the slot sealed side first.
Step 4: When they are laminated cut the codes out again and punch a hole in the top right corner.
Step 5: Deposit in the purchase code box and explain where the box is.

So what did she have to complain about? Next to step 3 were the words "Turn laminator on - How?"

Oh bugger... Silly me was assuming the person who was to be taking over these tasks had at least half a brain and didn't drool constantly whilst staring motionless at a blank wall.

The laminator was a small blue machine with a yellow dial. Around the dial were numbers and a picture of a thermometer... obviously that would be the dial to set the temperature. Next to that was another yellow button with "On" next to it. How do you think you'd turn it on??? Would you require a step by step instruction manual for a situation like this? Don't be hasty to answer, now. Take your time and really really think it through...
So to humour her I curbed my urge to be sarcastic and added in the necessary changes. It was hard but I did it.

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Personally I'm not all that keen on the frangipani craze that has attacked cars world wide. I could take them or leave them... On other people's cars that is. The funniest frangipani story I have to tell is one I sighted driving in bumper to bumper traffic in Brisbane. There was this really butch bloke, you know the type; fat, thick dark sunglasses, a muscle shirt, tattoos and a beared. Pretty much a biker without all the leather. Anyway, he's putting along side of my car, and his lane starts to move a bit faster, so pretty soon he's in the lead. What do I see all over the back of his car window? Frangipanis... L.M.A.O.R! Okay, maybe you had to be there to find the humour. But it looked so ironic I had to chuckle.

Anyway... What I was intending on ranting about follows:
People who put "say no to frangipani" stickers on their cars... You're idiots! Do you not realise you are A) Aiding the cause by advertising for them and B) Putting a frangipani on your car... Just because there is a line through it, doesn't change the fact that it's a FRANGIPANI!
I don't know who is worse. The people with the flower on their car, or the try-hard rebels attempting to make stand. It makes as much sense as going to war in a desperate bid to end wars.

Okay. I'm going to Google the sounds foxes make...