State of Origin Game 1 Recap (2007)

Who cares, this isn't even going to be a serious review. So if that's what you're after, then don't bother reading on. You'll only be wasting your time.

We open the game with commentary from, well, commentators. One of the guys was booed by several of the people I happened to be watching the game with. I didn't know what the problem was, until the guy spoke. It turns out he's a bit of a retard, and quite annoying actually. I only wish I knew his name so I could find a photo. Oh well, maybe next game.
Anyway, as we hear from these two dweebs in the spectators' box, losing 3 years in a row has apparently caused Maroon spirits to drop. This is sad. *Insert frowny face here* I find this kind of laughable, because as the teams come running out on to the field, many are booing. Now I'd think THAT would cause spirits to drop. How is that helping their self-esteem? I’ll tell you how. IT’S NOT! How about we all be nice to one another? Eh? EH? It doesn’t matter what jersey they’re wearing. They’re still human!
We are also given another important piece of information at this time - There are none more nervous than the Mullen family. I'm sorry. Who?

You may have realised I know next to nothing about this game. I recapped it once before about 2 years ago, and I'm proud to say that I don't know much more about it now than I did then.

So the game is in progress. We get man on man hugging action here. They get pushed and tackled to the ground, and we watch as the trapped player kicks his legs about in an attempt to free himself. Me thinks someone doesn't like being hugged much. I can identify with that.

Some dude unworthy of Google time got a blood nose. It was amusing when one of the commentators pointed out (rather sarcastically) the irony of using a white towel to wipe the player's faces clean when such a thing occurs. They must go through loads of Napisan Plus Oxyaction. I'd love to see some old woman in an apron come running out on to the field yelling at them for staining a perfectly good face towel. Heh, that'd be comedy gold. Actually, it'd probably be the highlight of the entire game for me.

Two Maroon morons went on report for something called "lifting". It sounds like a ballet routine to me. Were they getting in touch with their feminine side? Meh...

One of many disgraceful moments to come, and even a Blue supporter cried foul! That ball did NOT touch the ground. I understand that they have to get it over the line and the ball must physically make contact with the grass. This did not happen. Yet the Blue team gets 2 points? How can this be? What game was the ref watching? INSANITY! There were quite a few occasions where the Maroons scored, yet didn't get the points. I'm thinking conspiracy theory. Someone contact Rense.com! The world needs to be informed!!!

If you're wearing white, you wear white underneath it. I cannot for the life of me fathom how this referee got away with wearing white shorts and navy Blue undies underneath. TMI! TMI!!! I don't need to know what colour his jocks are! There are ladies present (anyone who knows me on the net will go "What? Radars/Chikory? Whatever?" If anyone actually said that, you're cordially invited to shut the hell up!)

One of the commentators informs us that he's "nervous with these QLD cutbacks" Um... What? If something as mundane as that makes him nervous, I'd hate to see what terrifies him!

I like the scoring. I happily watched the numbers stay even. 2 points, 4 points. So nice. :o) That is... Until some bustard* on the Maroon team kicked a freakin' field goal! What the hell is a field goal anyway? That's a pansy way of scoring. They didn't even need that 1 point to win the game. I think it's disgusting! It's disgraceful! It's a complete and utter shambles! Someone should be fired for that! It annoyed me so much I spent the rest of the game willing them to kick another field goal just to bring it back to even again. I was so mad about it that I awoke the next morning despising field goals (and the perpetrator) just as much as I did when it happened. DOWN WITH FIELD GOALS! DOWN I SAY! DOWN!!!

Antonio Kaufusi or something got hurt. I think he was faking it. He just wanted sympathy. Maybe he wasn't getting hugged enough by the other team.

I find it funny to watch the team score. They start jumping around, pumping their fists into the air, and cheering with excitement. The crowd goes wild. Everyone but the opposing team and its supporters are happy... And then the ref goes "NO!" They should all learn from this and take a lesson in being cautiously optimistic. You don't have as far to fall if you're cautiously optimistic.

The Maroon's second try was thrown out. This was ok because it wasn't a complete loss; the guy knocked out the camera post thingy. He accomplished something even if he didn't get a goal. Is it called a goal in this sport? Meh x 2...

Best point in the game - 22. The Maroons reached the spectacular score of 22 points! And then that monkey kicked a field goal and ruined it... What made this score even better was the fact that a Blue player played a key role in helping the Maroons score. His expression of absolute repulsion in himself was priceless... For everything else there's Mastercard.

Some Blue guy takes a page from Ben Kennedy's book and milks a hit for all it's got. Faker! Well and truly a faker!

52,498 peeps rocked up to watch their homies hug and chase a ball around. Good times. Real good times.

I suggest they make the uniform with longer pants. There's far too much exposure. If I wanted to see that, I'd ... I dunno, go somewhere where you can see that sort of thing. Oh wait. This is somewhere where you can see that. Hmm... Never mind, my disgust has been registered. Now let’s never speak of it again.

Final score for game 1 - Maroons - 25 Blues - 18
Not good enough. Try harder next time and keep the Squad damn score even!!!

This messy incoherent rant has been brought to you by the equally messy and incoherent mind of Chikory O'riley.

I bid you good day.


*A bustard is a type of field turkey. The player responsible was Thurston.