Chikory's Epiphany Toilet

Grammar Nazi at work.

2011-06-07T21:41:00.004+10:00

You know you've got issues when someone writes something funny and before your brain even registers the humourous objective you note the lack of an apostrophe in one of the words... :o(

:or

2010-08-04T22:57:00.001+10:00

It just took me 20 minutes to sign in... I must be retarded.

I have now forgotten why I came here.

Goodnight.

Burn After Reading

2009-07-31T21:02:00.004+10:00

???

Awesomeness!

2009-07-17T18:38:00.003+10:00

I've come across the most awesome website. It's called the Fail Blog. Basically, it's an accumulation of photographs and videos of people failing spectacularly at things. It can be a sign in a shop, a news presenter getting things incredibly wrong, or a product that just isn't right in so many ways.

Here is an example for you:

I tell you. Why are we bothering with catchy slogans like "Kids alive, do the 5", high-tech kiddie proof fences, gates and general pool education when all you need is this sign? To think that so many lives could've been saved if they'd just invested in one of these.

And an example in the form of a video:

I've received quite a few good laughs from this simple, yet direct website (and have also been left in awe at human stupidity). Mosey on over and check it out for yourself.

I have reached the conclusion...

2009-07-13T19:52:00.004+10:00

...that the people at my local video store are idiots.

Charlie Wilson's War a comedy?

I think not.

That aside I wish to add that besides the beginning and a few bits of profanity, it's not a bad movie.

I dubb thee a waste of my time.

2009-07-11T21:50:00.011+10:00

*Hmpf*

I'm going to begin this review by acknowledging that I am indeed a hard person to please when it comes to movies. My idea of a good movie entails good clean humour, a significant amount of content (but not too much that I get a headache), low violence, a lack of bad language, and just the right kind and amount of suspense.

I did say I was a hard person to please, and yes, there are actually movies that fit into the above categories.

So. You're probably wondering why I am going on about movies. Well, this weekend I rented a few and 2 out of 3 have been absolutely bull poopy.

Broken Flowers. I just finished watching this so called "comedy" and am now wondering who I write to in order to get back the last 102 long and painful minutes of my life. I know, I know! I should've ejected that DVD and stuffed it back where it belongs; inside its case, hopefully never to see the light of day again. However, I lived in hope that it would get better.

It didn't. Hence my disgust.

The movie begins with a morose man (Don) who appears to do nothing with his time but sit on a leather couch in his 70's style abode donned with a black tracksuit.
This is the only expression we see for the entire 102 minute duration.

Don receives a pink envelope in the mail with red writing on the front. It does not have a return address and the letter inside is typed and unsigned. So he has no idea who it is from. The letter in question informs Don that he has a 19 year-old son who apparently has gone on a mysterious trip. The mother is now informing him of the child's existence because she thinks he may be in search of his father. So he may show up on his door step.

Don's paranoid neighbour, Winston, who I did not like for the sole fact that he reminded me of my father (he's highly paranoid), convinces him to go and find the woman. Don writes a list of 5 women, Winston looks them up on the Internet and plans his journey, Don goes.

The rest of the movie is as follows -
Don drives and flys around staring at certain women's legs and visiting 4 of the 5 women (1 died, although he visits her grave). He does not say why he is there. They all answer the door and look at him like "Who are you and what do you want?" and then ask, "Can I help you?" He responds with his usual expression...

...and says nothing until they go, "Don?"
What a loser.

While he is in the company with these women he looks for anything pink - because, you know, if you send someone a letter using a certain coloured envelope it means that your house is just full of that colour.
The first lady has a pink bathrobe.
The second lady has pink business cards.
The third lady has pink pants.
The fourth lady has a pink type writer and pink bike. Then her motorbike friend punches him the face (something I would've liked to do).

So he returns home and finds another letter in a pink envelope from his girlfriend who left him at the start. Now his neighbour says he is going to match up the handwriting to see if she wrote the first letter.
Don stays at the coffee shop and recognises a kid from the airport hanging around outside. He offers to buy him a sandwich and then after a short while blurts out "I know you think I'm your father but..." and the kid goes ape and runs off.
The end.
???
I feel jiffed. So, did the ex-girlfriend write the other pink letter? Was the kid his son? Does he even have a son? It was a total waste of time and I do not know why the DVD case has a little white triangle sticker on the top left-hand corner with red writing on it claiming it is a -COMEDY.
It's not.

Ok. Second movie. Meet Joe Black.

I am not like other females. I do not like Brad Pitt. Frankly, I find his face annoying. When I look at him I do not see a handsom man. I see an arrogant, self-righteous morons with died blonde hair. He annoys me. I don't even think his acting is all that great.
Never the less I rented the movie. I had heard good things about it and I was running out of time and needed 1 more movie in order to have a 2 dollar saving. C'mon, you all know I am a cheap bastard.

So. This one, like the other, has an odd classification. This one is an apparent drama. I beg to differ, though. For the first 3 quarters of the movie I did nothing but chuckle. I would've classed it as a comedy. Maybe the guy with the sticker gun got things mixed up? I dunno.

Anyway. The movie started off ok. But towards the end I was highly irked with the chick in the film. She did nothing but squint! I think it's something they are taught in acting school because a lot of people seem to do it.
Serious expression = squint.
Contemplation = squint.
Saddness = squint.
Angry = squint.
Mental anquish = squint.
Tired = squint.
But this chick took it one step further. Even when she was happy she squinted! I never knew we were all meant to respond like that to almost every situation. Next time a customer orders a coffee I will squint at them. In fact, from now on I will squint in response to every situation life throws my way.

(I have no idea why the photos are so far down the page. You'll have to use the scroll button.)

Maybe she needs glasses?

So that was issue number one with Meet Joe Black. Issue number 2 was the ending. It was total rubbish. A cop out.
Joe and the old guy walk over the bridge because it is time for him to "go". The girl sees them running off, squints, and goes after them. A moment later Joe comes walking over the bridge. They talk, and Joe is not Joe anymore. Now... Joe is death, right? So how is it that he stole the guys body by getting him run over in the beginning, yet manages to return the guys life to his body in the end? Death does not bring life. It's just doesn't work that way! Am I the only one who sees the contradiction here???

Next thing is she isn't in the slightest bit confused as to why Joe's entire personality has changed.
"Joe" on the other hand isn't freaking out: "What the hell, man? How did I get here? Last I remember I was being smashed into the bitumen by a car. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!" One would think that would be the appropriate response. Instead, however, he is rather cool and all "Heeeeey, I didn't think I'd ever see you again." Because, you know, that's the important thing to say. Focus on the woman. Not the fact that you're somewhere you weren't 2 seconds ago. Day is now night and you're wearing a suit that isn't yours with some chick squinting at you.

Now you sort of get the impression that the girl understands that the Joe that's there now is not the same Joe that was not there before, but is now the Joe that she met in the beginnin...err... You know what I mean (I hope). She seems to get that he was inhabited by death and her dad is now gone for good.
So... being a DOCTOR and a supposed LOVING DAUGHTER, one would assume that she would be unselfishly concerned about her father, causing her to leave "Joe" behind and run off to find her father's lifeless body.
But no. Instead she is all happy and squinty because she has man.
My dad's dead? Oh well. That doesn't matter. I have a man! Now there's a girl with her priorities right!

So clearly I thought the ending to that movie was dodgy, too.

I told you I am hard to please.

Are you an annoying customer?

2009-06-23T18:24:00.006+10:00

I've been feeling pretty pissy the last couple of days. I've had a good run, though. Usually every day that involves my having to deal with the public by any means leaves me irked in epic proportions. However, the last few months I've had been ok. Tired out, but not mad as hell.

But the last 2 days I've wanted to jump the counter and start smacking people with their food trays. I could make a large list of the things that have been ticking me off. But I'm just going to cut it down to 3 things.

Whinge 1: The T lady - This is a lady who works for a business up the road that begins with the letter 'T'. She's a cranky, self entitled, impatient, rude, demanding witch. If there are several people in the store waiting to be served, she will walk up and stand by the counter and expect we automatically push her to the front of the line. I used to place her bread order down in the bread rack with her order book on top for her to sign. However, this proved to be a wrong move. She decided then that because she had her bread already and didn't feel like waiting to tell us her order for the next day, she then had the right to come IN to our store BEHIND the counter and mess around IN OUR WAY whilst we attempted to carry hot drinks in a very confined space dodging 3 people (now made 4 due to her unwanted presence) to find OUR order book so she could write down her order and leave. Does this mean that we would be welcome in her store behind her counter without permission? I guess so. Maybe we should all mob down there one day and just walk in and see what she says.

So we decided we no longer would leave her bread or the order book where she could find it. Last Saturday she comes in and once again we were busy. Instead of waiting she rudely cuts everyone off and yells "HAVE YOU SOLD MY BREAD?!?!?!"

She's not doing herself any favours acting like that. We're just going to make things LESS convenient for her.

Whinge 2: Customers who don't listen. They are ordering from you and yet when you ask them questions they do not tell you the answer you want. This happens so often. You know they are not organised so you try to do it for them. They order one coffee and you can tell that they want more than one so you ask, "Are there going to be any more coffee's?". They respond "Yes, just a minute."
So you wait.
Then after waiting for a minute or so, they order a pie. I DID NOT ASK YOU IF YOU WERE ORDERING ANYTHING ELSE. I ASKED IF YOU WANTED ANY MORE COFFEES!!!!
So you say, "So, that's only one coffee then?" They look at you, blink (clearly not much going on up top) and say, "No. We want a cappuccino, too."
Hmm... Me thinks that's what me asked in the first place.

Or if they are at the sandwich bar and are ordering several sandwiches. You try to organise them so you can make them all at once. You ask them if they want butter them, they say yes and then proceed to tell you everything that's going to be on each sandwich. You stop them and explain that it's easier to make them all at once, and you will ask them as you go along. Next question, would they like any mayo or mustard? They say yes and then once again tell you all the fillings for each sandwich. It's not straight forward, either. They'll say it in the most confusing way possible.

Whinge 3: People who order a massive list of things and then whilst you're still preparing it ask "How much is that?"
Sure, if it were maybe 5 things we could add it up in our heads. But come on, we're talking 2 trays of goods here! Your order is up in the realms of 30 bucks plus! We're using our brains to remember what you want and how you want it because you're so damn picky and change your mind so often (usually the moment you get it on the plate - don't act like you're sorry for the inconvenience, you're not. If you were you would just suck it up and eat the damn danish you ordered in the first place).

Alright, that'll do me.
I'm over people right now. >:o(

Ok, so it's been a while...

2009-05-15T10:02:00.003+10:00

Ahoy there, mehartys! It's been a tad while since I've updated and the main reason for that abomination is the simple fact that - I don't have a lot to say/whinge about.
Not that I couldn't find something or anything, but Chikory is becoming slack in her old age. Yes, I still find customers annoying, I still see the negative long before I even begin to ponder the fact that there could be a positive in existence and I still have the ability to create a 10,000 word SA on the most asinine (I love that word) of subjects. Proof of the latter is that I'm doing it right now.

That being said I will get to the reason I popped by this cold winter morning. I have a shocking piece of information to share. So shocking that I don't know why E! Hasn't reported it first. I don't know why it isn't on the front page of every magazine at the supermarket checkout. Why aren't the likes of Today Tonight and A Current Affair using their "top-of-the-range" reporters to create 20 minute segments informing the public of this need-to-know life-altering astounding news?

Ok, I won't hold you in suspense any longer. I went to Dreamworld on Wednesday and naturally, made a bee-line for the Wiggles World. Upon entry Captain Feathersword appeared to greet me and my fellow posse member, Kim. I think Captain Feathersword is the greatest, but I was devastated to realise that Captain Feathersword has a PROBLEM! I have for you now photographic evidence.

He looks reasonably healthy don't you think? Ok, so that expression gives the impression that maybe he's suffering from some form of mental turmoil. Or someone could just be standing on his foot... Whatever the reason, he needs a hug.

But now feast your eyes on this recent photograph of our very happy pirate...

Folks, I am sorry to inform you that our dear friend Captain Feathersword has an eating disorder! Notice how he no longer fills out his black pirate pants and white frilly shirt? See his dejected stance as he walks away, feeling malnourished with a lack of energy, as if the world just isn't a happy place for pirates anymore? My heart goes out to Mr. Feathersword. I only hope he receives the help he needs.

So what can we do to help him? Send him letters, telling him how much we appreciate him in all his pirateness. Let's support our favourite pirate. Let him know he's not alone! Mr. Feathersword needs our help, people! Don't fail him now!

*I apologise for the crapocity of this post. But my head hasn't been working very well this week.

All is nothing. Therefore nothing must end.

2008-08-26T08:12:00.006+10:00

Who the heck comes up with the ratings for movies? Because I seriously think they have some mental deficiencies - and yes I am aware of how ironic it is for me to make that call with all things considered.

These days I have watched PG movies that would've been rated M15+ back when I were a wee lass. I have seen movies that were rated "low level language" only to hear expletives bursting forth from the speakers every 2 minutes. I have rented movies that were classed as not very violent, only to discover people getting pummeled left right and centre. But this one takes the cake!

My Left Foot is the story of Christy Brown, an Irish poet/writer/painter who suffered from an extremely bad case of cerebral palsy. It's an interesting story that seems to make you want to laugh, cry and start beating on people for being completely and utterly disrespectful and down right cruel. All in all it was an excellent movie. Well written, well acted, and very deserving of its Oscar. I was saddened to find, however, that his life didn't turn out all that great. In the end they make out like he found love and lived happily ever after. Only a bit of research using my favourite intermanet tool, Google, told me that he was married for 9 years, taken away from his family, and possibly physically abused by his wife of whom was an alcoholic and a prostitute. His family also indicated that they believe she was responsible for his death in 1981 at the age of 49. It's sad when people who can't defend themselves and are very well meaning and full of heart are taken advantage of.

Anyway, back to what I was saying. The only problem I found with the movie was the rating. "Frequent coarse language". I didn't notice this in the store otherwise I probably wouldn't have picked it up. But I am glad that wasn't the case, because I would've missed out on a really great film and all because the people who rate movies are completely deranged.

During the course of this film of which lasted about 2 hours, I counted the use of the 'F word' a total of 8 times. Ass was said once but seriously, who's going to care about that? Now how do they figure that is frequent? I've heard more frequent bad language in a retirement village.

Long time no see.

2008-08-24T22:12:00.003+10:00

Ohmog it's been a while. I'm dusting myself off and coming down from the back corner of that high up shelf...

I've been meaning to post something for my massive audience of one to read for quite some time but haven't been feeling all that articulate of late. Actually I still don't feel very literate, but I'm bored and the contents of my SpongeBob Squarepants glass is thought-inspiring to say the least.

So what have I been up to over the last few months? Well. I got a full time job in administration, something I've wanted to do for quite some time. I quit the bakery and paid off my car. Then my boss went nuts, I got sick (again) and I quit my job. Now I'm once again a depressed sole, sitting around plotting all kinds of evilness on the Internet whilst trying to nip this damn brain-disease in the bud, cope with life and work out how to get a job I can cope with because I hate not having one!

Mind you, I could cope with the job I had quite ok. It was the boss I was having a hard time with. It's tough when you're working under a person who changes moods from one second to the next. One moment she's approachable, the next you're getting told off for doing your job and (heaven forbid) actually asking her to do hers! I know, shame on me. She'd tell you to do something, you'd do it exactly how she asked and then she'd tell you that you did it all wrong. If one wanted that kind of insanity in a work environment, they'd hastily apply for a position in the Woolworths chain.
This experience really drummed in something I learnt a long time ago... Women should not be in charge in the work place. It only results in a new-age Nazi regime.

I have saved for my group of one, one of the more humourous examples of my employer's idiocy. The head honchos went to this seminar to improve their business. As with most things, they were all gun hoe (I'm never sure if that's gung hoe or gun hoe, so correct me if I'm wrong as I can not be stuffed Googling it) about it at first, but it soon died off.
One of the things that they were advised to do was make a folder full of instructions for each person's tasks in the office. Basically if one person was away another person would be able to complete their tasks with ease should the situation call for it.

This makes sense.

So I went about doing up a whole bunch of these instruction sheets. Some of them were stupid, things that even a monkey could work out how to do, but I wrote them out anyway. I handed her my stack of paper and she soon handed it back with pencil marks all over. I could tell this was just one of her more bitchy days and her bitchyness was seeping out in the form of "I'm going to be incredibly picky and try and bring you down via your confidence in your ability to do even the most menial of tasks". (That was long winded I know, but remember I said I wasn't feeling very articulate. So bite me!)
So I look through them and start to make the stupid changes, when I reach this one... For laminating purchase codes. The task in itself is self explanatory.

But what was her complaint about the instructions? I'd scan it for you, but I haven't installed my scanner software yet, so all you get is a list.
Step 1: I explain where to find the purchase codes to be printed/edited.
Step 2: Inform them they must print the codes on coloured paper, and that the paper must be a colour that is visible against the boxes - so not grey, white or black.
Step 3: I explain that they must cut the codes out, arrange on the laminating pocket and then when the laminator is heated feed them through the slot sealed side first.
Step 4: When they are laminated cut the codes out again and punch a hole in the top right corner.
Step 5: Deposit in the purchase code box and explain where the box is.

So what did she have to complain about? Next to step 3 were the words "Turn laminator on - How?"

Oh bugger... Silly me was assuming the person who was to be taking over these tasks had at least half a brain and didn't drool constantly whilst staring motionless at a blank wall.

The laminator was a small blue machine with a yellow dial. Around the dial were numbers and a picture of a thermometer... obviously that would be the dial to set the temperature. Next to that was another yellow button with "On" next to it. How do you think you'd turn it on??? Would you require a step by step instruction manual for a situation like this? Don't be hasty to answer, now. Take your time and really really think it through...
So to humour her I curbed my urge to be sarcastic and added in the necessary changes. It was hard but I did it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Personally I'm not all that keen on the frangipani craze that has attacked cars world wide. I could take them or leave them... On other people's cars that is. The funniest frangipani story I have to tell is one I sighted driving in bumper to bumper traffic in Brisbane. There was this really butch bloke, you know the type; fat, thick dark sunglasses, a muscle shirt, tattoos and a beared. Pretty much a biker without all the leather. Anyway, he's putting along side of my car, and his lane starts to move a bit faster, so pretty soon he's in the lead. What do I see all over the back of his car window? Frangipanis... L.M.A.O.R! Okay, maybe you had to be there to find the humour. But it looked so ironic I had to chuckle.

Anyway... What I was intending on ranting about follows:
People who put "say no to frangipani" stickers on their cars... You're idiots! Do you not realise you are A) Aiding the cause by advertising for them and B) Putting a frangipani on your car... Just because there is a line through it, doesn't change the fact that it's a FRANGIPANI!
I don't know who is worse. The people with the flower on their car, or the try-hard rebels attempting to make stand. It makes as much sense as going to war in a desperate bid to end wars.

Okay. I'm going to Google the sounds foxes make...

...

2008-03-21T20:22:00.002+10:00

I AM GOING TO TAKE OVER THE INTERMANET!!!*

*Well... Not really. I'm just bored. That and it sounded cool so I said it. Peace out, ya'll.

Just a spot of venting...

2008-03-15T22:48:00.005+10:00

What makes a cappuccino different from a flat white coffee?
There's foam and a shake of chocolate on top.
How does one place the foam on top without it oozing down the sides of the cup/mug?
By not filling the coffee all the way to the top. You leave a gap of about 1cm from the top, thus allowing room for the foam to comfortably sit within the confines of the china.

That being said, you can imagine my astonishment when an old foggie returns, cup in hand whinging that her coffee was not only too cold (the heated jug was made as hot as it could get without burning the milk, I even burnt my hand on the darn thing making it as hot as I could for the grumpy customers) but not full enough.
What she had done was scooped all the foam off of the top and then come back in to complain that it wasn't filled to the top.
I was like, "It's a cappuccino. It's meant to have foam on the top. That's what you asked for."

People. BAH!

A milk shake is basically ice cream and milk.
An iced coffee or chocolate is ice cream, cream and lots of milk.
Scones with jam and a load of cream is fatty.
So why do people ask for either of those things and request "skim milk" either in the drink, or in the drink accompanying the extremely fattening food?

I've had so many people lately pointlessly requesting skim milk in their iced coffees and milk shakes. For instance, I had a lady today who stressed that she wanted extra ice cream. Not just the usual 2 scoops. Oh no! She wanted 4. So I said that it would be fine and began scooping the ice cream into the shake. But then she added that she wanted it on skim milk.
"EH?"
What's the point!?!?!? Seriously! I think the purpose has thoroughly been defeated. In fact, not only has it been defeated, but it's been thrown in the mud, jumped up and down upon and left to die in a withering unrecognisable mess.

Dare I say it again... People. BAH!

I've got to learn to love people. But it's proving extraordinarily difficult.

A bunch of quizzes... What? I was bored.

2008-03-01T02:02:00.008+10:00

70 Odd Questions

What is your middle name?
Catherine.

What color is yourrigh mailbox?
Black.

Are you single?
I share my brain with several other alter-egos. Sometimes we fight and that’s just not cool, man!

Have you ever hit a deer?
I don’t punch animals. Although if anyone has punched a shark in the nose I’d like to know if that’s effective or not. I suppose if you lived to tell the tale it is. If no one comes forward, how do we know if it’s because no one has done it, or someone has and it was an inadequate effort?

Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
That depends on where I’m coming home from. If I’m on the other side of a bridge I’d say yes. If not then I guess I have no choice but to say negative.

What color is your room?
Artistic Orchid (That’s a very light purple for all you noobs out there).

Do you have a small driveway?
No. How could this question possibly benefit humanity?

Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you?
Nope.

What do you do first in the morning?
Wake up.

What brand is your printer?
I have two. Epson and HP. Good things come in twos. Plus it’s always nice to have a friend.

Do you enjoy fighting with people?
I used to.

Is your hair naturally straight or curly?
Straight. BAH!

Who was your kindergarten teacher?
Kindergarten? I went to Pre-school, man! PRE-SCHOOL! Teacher Graeham and Mrs Vayro.

What is your ringtone?
The Muppets version of “manah manah” doo doo doo doo doo.

Are you taller than your mom?
No.

What curse word do you say the most when your pissed?
Son of a diddley. Ned Flanders is an inspiration to us all.

Are you God?
Yeah… right… God has nothing better to do with his time than sit around answering inconsequential quizzes on the intermanet.

Do you like someone?
I like lots of people. Spread the love! Peace out.

Do you enjoy writing in colored pens?
… I don’t know. :or

Does anything hurt on your body right now?
I just feel sick in general.

Do you often cry during a movie?
NO! I’m offended at the implication! I’m tough! Tough people don’t cry! BAH!!!

Last phone call you received?
Honor, my boss. She wanted to know if I’d work someone’s afternoon shift. I said no ‘cause I had an appointment. So she said what about the morning instead of the afternoon? So I said that I could do that. Then she said she’d ring the person scheduled to work the morning shift and ask if they could do the afternoon one. She did that and then messaged me back to say it was all good. I know you didn’t ask for details but I gave them anyway! Cop that! I totally just absorbed precious seconds of your life like a super-porous sponge.

Last text message?
Julien.

Do you hate your life?
I don’t like this question.

Do you get mad easily?
Yeah. On the inside. If there’s no one around I’ll rant to myself. Usually it’s when I’m in the car and someone is tail-gating me or just being an idiotic driver in general.

What is your biggest pet peeve?
Hmm… A tough one. My pets do many things that peeve me off. I’d have to say that when my dog, Josephine, goes to the toilet in the house it takes the cake.

Are you cold?
I’m pretty standard. Would you have rectified the situation if I’d said yes?

Do any of your friends have kids?
No. My acquaintances do, though......... Update 11:08pm, 07/03/08 - I am ashamed to admit that I forgot of my good friend, Mel's 2 children + 1 spawn. I deserve a good kick in the pants. So the real answer to that question is yes. Mel has children and she is my friend. I have a lot of kissing up to do now... Mel is cool! :o( I'm in so much trouble. *Eeep!* (bah)(STAB)

Do you know anyone that is pregnant right now?
Um… No.

Who should pay on the first date?
Don’t be slack, pay your own way.

How many years older than you are you willing to date?
As you get older an age gap doesn’t matter so much. However in my 20’s I wouldn’t want to date someone in their 40’s or 50’s. Heck, even their late 30’s. 35 would be the cut off point but even that’s pushing it… I’m not even interested in dating anyone right now so I deem this question insignificant.

Do you have any friends?
I have a few, yes.

Do you have any mean friends?
Yeah…

What is the ugliest color to wear in your opinion?
I’m thinking puke yellow or anything fluro for some reason.

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
I’ve liked someone my mum hates. :oP But she hates everyone so that’s not exactly a hard feat to achieve.

Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff, seriously?
Heck yeah! But I’d ruin my car and that’s just not on!

Have you ever contemplated suicide?
(Insert response here.)

Do you scratch your ears?
If my ear is itchy I guess I would scratch it. However it isn’t my day job or anything.

Who was the last person to hug you?
Tamara.

What brand are the pant/jeans you're wearing right now?
I’m in my jammies. I bought them from K-mart so they’re the now (made in China) Brand.

How tall are you?
I can’t be stuffed looking at my license. I’m like 156cm or something. I dunno… Damn it I’m going to have to go to great lengths and roll my chair a whole meter over to my bedside table to find out, aren’t I? Damn you question. Dammmmmn yoooooou. *Shakes fist menacingly at the computer screen.* 157cms. Happy now? Well? Are ya, punk?

What is the closest green object?
I was going to say my picture of a Pygmy Possum (They’re so cool). But I just noticed my green post-it notes (They’re just as cool).

If you were born the opposite sex, what would your parents name you?
I can’t say we’ve ever had a discussion where that’s come up…

Do you want to have kids?
Children are the spawn of evil! I was NEVER a child! Heh… No. I don’t plan on it. But if it happens it happens and I’ll deal with it.

What is the brightest color you're wearing?
I’m ashamed to admit that it would be pink…

Who is the friend you have that you would never have expected to have?
Julien.

Who do you hate the most right now?
I don’t hate anyone. Hate consumes you and it’s pointless. I’m human though so I have an emense disliking towards some that I am working on… I don’t want to mention any names though *Cough* Oprah Winfrey *Cough*.

What kind of car do you want?
I love my Toyota Corolla Seca (97 model). If I had loads of money and was a better driver I’d get a 4 door BMW 323. Rav 4’s are okay. The Subaru Forrester, Impreza or even the Outback are alright. I don’t mind the new Mitsubishi Lancer. And I’m partial to the new Honda Civic. They‘re all quite nice. :o) So who is going to buy me one of those, eh?

What is your favorite video game?
Don’t play video games.

Do you like your dad?
My dad informs the society of their impending doom at the hands of George W. Bush and the evil Governmental forces in the United States. He does a public service. He religiously listens to Alex Jones on the radio every day and visits Rense.com as often as he can. Salesmen meet their match when they approach him whilst he’s browsing in their store as they swiftly receive an update on the status of the Governments failings and how we need to fight against their attempts to stymie our freedom. He has a cupboard full of emergency food because supermarkets only have enough food to last everyone for 3 months in their warehouses when the black hour arises. He won’t consume anything that has been stored in a plastic container for fear it turns him gay. Long story short… He has his purpose. I just haven’t found out what that is yet.
Do you have any TV shows on DVD?
M*A*S*H, Fawlty Towers, Season 1 of A bit of Fry and Laurie and Season 1 of Monk.

Are you wearing make-up?
Yeah.

Do you have a tattoo?
Heck no!

Have you ever broken a pinata?
Nope.

What time is it right now?
23:02

Do you know how to draw?
Ya huh.

Who loves orange soda?
I dunno. Gimmie a mo and I’ll Google it. Apparently someone named ‘Kel’ does. Wikipedia says: “Kel is just a regular teen who loves orange soda with a passion.” So there you have it.

Who did you last IM?
Ummmmmmm… Mel I think. But that was days ago so it’s hard to remember for sure.

Do you work a lot of hours?
In my opinion I do.

Where were you in the last 24 hours?
Home, down the Coast, the book study and up at Julien’s place.

Who was the last person that called you?
I’ve already answered this question you ninny!

Is there anything you regret?
Heaps of stuff.

Do you know where your family name originated from?
France.

Is there an animal that creeps you out?
PRIMATES! I FREAKIN’ HATE MONKEYS!!! >:o( DOWN WITH PRIMATES! BOO HISS HISS BOO!!! Disgusting foul creatures!

What is your favorite color ON A CAR?
I call it Seca green. It’s a metallic teal shade. Arial Teal! May the Bold be with you!™

Do you use digital or film cameras?
Film for me. I’ve not stepped into the 21st century in the photographic department yet. Unless you count the camera on my mobile phone?

Do you own an iPod?
iNope.

Have you ever been on a charter bus?
Charter boat, what charter boat? Yeah.

Do you like going to water parks?
You’d get wet! And children are well known for being incontinent!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

• A
Are you available?
For what?

Astrology sign?
Cancer.

• B
Do you know anyone named Brian?
Yeah.

When is your Birthday?
February 22, 1922 – Serious or not? You be the judge. :oP

Ever been stung by a bee?
Nope.

• C
Whats your favorite candy?
Mmm… Candy. Maple leaves!

What color is your car?
White with a green stripe.

• D
Do you daydream?
I don’t know…

What's your favorite kind of dog?
Miniature poodle. So damn smart.

• E
Have you ever been in the emergency room?
I had to walk through there once because the main entrance to the hospital was closed due to it being after hours. Is that what you mean? Why am I asking questions and trying to get some sort of clarification as if I’m going to get an answer in return?

Ever pat an elephant?
A real one? No.

Ever swam with sharks?
Well anyone who goes in the ocean has technically swam with sharks.

• F
Do you use fly swatters?
I haven’t touched a fly swatter in years. I’m not at that level of insanity anymore… I know what I mean by that.

Is there a fan in your room?
Yes. It doesn’t seem to blow much wind anymore. I dunno what’s wrong with it. One day I will look into that problem.

Does the number four have any significance?
Apart from being an integral part of this question, no.

• G
Do you chew gum?
No.

Do you like gory movies?
Used to. Not any more.

• H
How are you?
There’s room for improvement, thank you for asking. How are you?

What's your height
157cm.

What color is your hair?
Brown.

•Have you ever ice skated?
No.

Ever been to Iowa?
Yes.

• J
Favorite Jelly bean?
Red.

Do you wear jewelry?
Yes. But I’m not girly. So don’t be thinking that!!!

• K
Who do you want to kiss?
GERMS! LIKE, OHMOG! EW FACTOR +2000 point 2! (I like the number 2)

Have you ever flown a kite?
Heck yeah. We made kites in pre-school. It was fun! :o)

Do you think kangaroos are cute?
Yeah… Until they rip your side open in one swift ultra-impressive-ninja-like maneuver. They’d put Jack Bauer to shame.

• L
Are you laid back?
I don’t think so.

Lions or tigers?
I dedicate this response to Julien – Roar!

Do you like black licorice?
I’m not a fan of licorice. Red twizzlers are okay though.

• M
Favorite movie?
Back to the Future 2. 3 was ruined when they added the stupid “love” story line and that horrid Clara to the mix. I liked 1, but 2 is better because it pretty much combines them both. Can’t go wrong there. “Look! There’s a rhythmic ceremonial ritual coming up.”

• N
Do you prefer night or day?
Night.

Do you have a nickname?
Yes. I have several. Chik, Chikory, Radars and a few more.

• O
Are you an only child?
No.

• P
Do you know anyone named Penelope?
Yeah. Supervisor from my Woolies days. Penny was what we called her, but it was short for Penelope.

Favorite flavor of popcorn?
Can’t go wrong with the original stuff.

• R
Do you think you're always right?
No.

Do you watch reality tv?
Oh please! That stuff is for those of us who have attained a low IQ. (Incase of confusion I am saying no I most certainly do not.)

• S
Do you prefer sun or rain?
Both. Sun during the day, rain at night. I’m talking absolutely pissing down with rain.

Do you like snow?
LOVE the snow! :o)

• T
Time to go to sleep?
I dunno. Is it?

• U
Now I’m stumped.

• V
Did you ever watch Veggie tales?
I’m going to have to Google this one… I’m scared to think anyone watches that.

• W
What's your worst habit?
I don’t have time to ponder over my many faults and choose just one.

What do you want right now?
My sanity.

• X
Have you ever had an x-ray?
Yes.

• Y
Do you like the color yellow?
YELLOW! YAY! :o)

Do you yell when you're angry?
No. I raise my voice and get very sarcastic.

• Z
Do you believe in Zodiac signs?
Total garbage.

•Lasts:
Last dream?
It wasn’t nice! <:o(

Phone call?
to – Tamara.
from – Julien.

Last time you hugged?
Just before 7pm.

Last night?
Went to the book study. Not A book study, THE book study.

Last person you rode in a car with?
Tamara and Julien.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

1. Was your last kiss a mistake?
Uh… ???

2. When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
I have a reputation to keep.

3. If the world was to end tomorrow, what would you be doing right now?
I’m not sure. Yelling ‘I told you so!’ to random people?

4. What was the last thing you heard?
BJ Thomas singing “Raindrops keep falling on my head. And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed. Nothing seems to fit. Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling. So I did me some talking to the sun. And I said I didn’t like the way he got things done. Sleeping on the job, those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling. But there’s one thing, I know. The blues they send to meet me, won’t defeat me. It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me. Raindrops keep falling on my head. But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turning red, crying’s not for me. ‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complaining. Because I’m free, nothing’s worrying me. It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me. Raindrops keep falling on my head. But that doesn’t mean my eyes will soon be turning red, crying’s not for me. ‘Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complaining. Because I’m freeeee, nothing’s worrying meeeeeee.” You didn’t ask for that but you got it anyway.

5. What is bothering you right now?
You’re not my psychiatrist, go away! Nosey Nate.

6. Do you think slavery was wrong?
Yes.

7. Have you ever seen somebody get shot?
In real life? Not that I know of.

8. When was the last time you got into a physical fight?
I kicked Julien yesterday night. He was laughing inwardly at me and I knew it! Mind you kicking him only resulted in him laughing outwardly at me… :or I think I lost out.

9. Who do you tell everything to?
Julien.

10. Have you ever taken a picture in a bathroom?
Bathroom or toilet? This is American so I am assuming you mean both seeing as they do not have separate rooms for each. I took several photos in the toilet with my mobile phone. We have pine boards half way up the walls and pine tends to have really cool patterns in the wood. They make pictures and I saw a duck, a bird, a turtle and a bear. So I had to get photo evidence. Trees are smart! They can draw!

11 is missing in action I presume?

12. Have you ever been called a 'slut' or 'manwhore'?
Ohmog! LMAOR! YES!

13. Where are you?
In front of ma pooter.

14. Does your head hurt?
I had a headache earlier, but it’s dissipated for now. It’ll be back though.

15. What's your favorite number?
2! But two twos are better than one. So I’m partial to the number 22, too.

16. Have you ever rented out a hotel room?
Can’t say I personally have. Mum and dad did. But I don’t think that counts, huh?

17. Have you ever injected a drug?
In to me? No. I did have to give my pigeon, Brownie, a drug through a needle. He got sick. Cost me 200 bucks to fix him up. He got all better though so it was well worth it! :o) He’s dead now. I miss my Brownie. :o( He was a great pigeon.

18. When was the last time you saw your Father?
2 hours ago I guess.

19. Name a lyric from the song you're listening to?
“And my only prayer is that you realize. You’ll always be beautiful, in my eyes.”

20. Do you use your friends?
Heck no! People who do that disgust me.

22. Do you fight with your parents often?
No, not often. I disagree with mum a lot, but I wouldn’t call it a fight.

23. Where is the shirt you're wearing from?
JayJays. I dunno if that’s two words or one. It’s one. Google saves the day again. :o)

24... Gone?

25. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yes. I tapped a parked car once and broke my head light. Then I decided I’d take on a tree. It was only small so I thought it was bluffing when it said it’d stand up to the awesome power of my little seca’s boot. Turns out the tree wasn’t bluffing…

26. Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace?
Used to. It pisses mum off no end that I stopped.

27. The thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you?
Shut up! >:o(

28. How often do you shower?
MYOB.

29. Do you know anyone with cancer?
My pigeon, Sootie, has cancer. Branch and Fern (two other pigeons of mine) had cancer. Bauer, and 2 of ma wee girls (my mice) had cancer.

30. Do you have any picture frames in your room?
Yes. 6. They all have animals in them. I thought I had 1 photo with my siblings in it. But I just looked and it seems it is not there anymore.

31. Where did you spend Christmas?
At home. Christmas is just another day to me.

32. Ever smoked a cigarette?
YUCK! No!

33. Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot?
No.

34. Has anyone ever saved your life?
My daddy. I almost drowned when I was a wee lass.

35. The screen name you have now, was it your first screen name?
No. But I’ve had it for quite some time now. It has a lot of history.

36. Do you get good grades?
I have 2 toys sitting on my printer. A horse and a cow. The horse is named Spartacus. The Cow is named Moo. She’s my moo cow.

38. Do you know a secret about anybody?
Yeah. It’s not really a secret, though. It’s more like private information.

39. Who cooks dinner in your home?
I'm unable to use the stove/oven at home. It’s a long story. Basically I live off of rice crackers and corn chips when I am here. My parents are insane. I live in an asylum. Please send me money.

40. Did you ever go to a special learning center.
I never took the short bus, no.

41. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
Yes.

42. Does a kiss make you feel better?
Part of me says yes. The rest of me says, “EW! NO! That’s for sissys!”

43. Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
No. I did go to sleep on the bathroom floor once, though. I had to go to the toilet when I was little. Everyone else was asleep so I didn’t turn the light on. I got lost on my way back, gave up and decided to sleep where I was. After a while I got cold and realised which room I was in due to the fact the floor was still cement (house wasn’t finished yet), so I used my noggin and found my way back to my bed. You’re all so much smarter for knowing that. I bet you feel it, too.

44. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before. I’m not down with becoming an icicle.

45. What did you do today?
Woke up. Went on the pooter. Fed the pigeons, changed their water, broke up a fight between Wilf and Chester (pigeons). Lectured Chester and told him to behave and show some maturity. Talked to Chelsea (ring-neck dove) because she got flattened when Chester and Wilf were fighting. Let Clive out of his cage for a while (rat). Fed the boys and girls (mice). Told off the bush turkey for jumping on Clives cage and trying to get his food. Commanded Josephine (dog) to chase said turkey away. Fed dog and gave her her heart worm tablet and schmacko. Got ready, went down the coast. Headed up to Julien’s place and bought a chicken frame, a drink for his pa and some snow peas on the way. Made some of Veronica’s lime delicious, coconut sago with chocolate on top and snow pea and almond stir fry with Tamara’s Galangal sauce for their dinner. Hung out with Julien. Went home. Watched Gross Misconduct. Checked out Myspace. Saw a heap of quizzes Cholly did and decided I’d do them all and post them on my website. I’m up to question 45. Like you didn’t know that already.

46. have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
Can’t say I have. I have a set routine and there’s a time and a place for everything. The shower is neither the time nor the place.

47. Have you ever thought about your death?
In what sense?

48. Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field?
Well I’d rather be my own person and have no manbag at all. But if they were my only two choices I’d say permanent relationship.

50. How long ago did you hug someone?
5 hours.

51. Do you like the Red Sox or Yankees?
I don’t like partaking or watching physical activity unless there is an opportunity to laugh and be ultra sarcastic… Now go and read my State of Origin recaps.

53. Have you ever given money to a homeless person?
Yes. In New York City.

54. Have you ever run over an animal?
Ohmog! Yes! <:o( A little bird. It ran out in the road at night and I couldn’t avoid it. I went back and picked it up and held it until it died, though. Then I gave it a proper burial at home. I’ve also run over toads, and I always feel bad about it. The car goes ba-doonk as it goes over their little bodies. I do try very hard to avoid them. I’ve hit insects, too. Mostly moths at night in my car.

55. Whats your favorite cereal?
Don’t really have one. I tend to only get the very very rare craving for museli, wheat bix, rice bubbles or corn flakes. And let me stress that it is VERY rare indeed.

56. Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter?
No. No I have not. FAAAAAAAAT!!!

57. What are you doing today?
I have a list…Data entry, wash car, ironing, medical directive, talk – due 11/03/08, go through food cupboard (already done part of that), clean room, de-mould things (we’ve had a lot of rain), re-print snow pea and almond recipe and fix the coriander bit, fix the lemon juice part and re-print Tamara’s galangal sauce recipe, food shopping list, washing, prepare to watch a movie full of those evil primates. I don’t know how much of that I’ll actually do.

58. Where’s your favorite place to be?
A quiet forest with a nice creek and lots of things to look at.

59. What's your favorite song?
The Rubberband Man by The Spinners. (7 minute version)

60. Are you more of a coffee or tea drinker?
Coffee is yuck. I’ll take caffeine-free tea.

What happened to 61? Send out a search party! Quick!

62. Have you ever climbed up a water tower?
Not that I recall.

63. Have you ever been arrested?
Ha ha! No.

64. Do you dream in black and white?
I seldom recall my dreams.

65. Do you talk in your sleep?
yep and i walk and i also chronically drool <--LOLR Chloe! I have yelled out before. Don’t know about talking though. You’re sleeping. How the hell are you meant to know?

67. Are you a redneck?
… :or No.

68. Funniest thing you heard?
Wouldn’t say it’s the funniest, but a funny thing I can recall off the top of my head is mum yelling hysterically that her computer had a worm. So after a few minutes of trying to ignore her I decided to go and assist because it was clear she wasn’t going to let up. I go up there and on the computer screen is a picture of a worm with big bug eyes and the words “Armageddon Worms”. She thought she had a virus. All it was was a computer game my brother had installed. She accidentally clicked on it while trying to go into Internet Explorer. Heh… It’s funny because mum absolutely panics at the smallest thing.

69. Last time you had butterfly's in your stomach?
Can’t recall.

70. what u afraid of?
Angry people. I must constantly scare myself.

71. Can you recite the alphabet backwards?
Yeah. But I may have to pause to think a couple of times.

72. Need to get something off your chest?
No. My clothing is staying right where it is thank-you-very-much!

73. How do you feel about life right now?
Go away, you… you… YOU!
You can’t call me that! (Random M*A*S*H quote)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What's on your mind?
Don’t know.

Where is your biological father right now?
Upstairs looking up conspiracy theories on the Internet.

Have you ever made out in a basement?
…

Do you have any piercings?
No.

Do you have any tattoos.
No.

Is your driveway steep?
Not really. Unless you’re really old. Then I guess it is. Caution – Slippery when wet.

Name four things you did today?
1. Animal maintenance.
2. Went to an appointment.
3. Cooked.
4. These quizzes.

Have you ever been tied up?
No. Thank goodness.

Last person you texted?
Julien.

Have you ever had two dates in one night?
No.

What have you eaten today?
Whole wheat rice crackers, brazil nuts, cashews, some dates and corn chips. Taste tested some lime delicious and coconut sago. Then chicken, snow pea and almond stir fry for dinner.

Which shoe do you put on first?
Either. I’ve no set routine for that.

Do you get distracted easily?
Sometimes.

What's the last text you received say?
“Yeah, I can try that, ta. Pa's home now, so u can come at such a time as there is time 2 do ur cookin n make tea.”

What is the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?
Have a drink of water.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Amanda?
Heh... The person who wrote this quiz probably only intended it for their immediate friends. They’re significant other’s name is Amanda. They’re unsure whether or not they are being cheated on. So they added this question in. If anyone e-mailed it back and said ‘yes’ they’d know whether or not concern would be warranted. Paranoid much?

First time you kissed the last person you kissed?
Mum… Like, ages ago. I don’t remember that far back.

What was your childhood nickname?
(Censored due to intense paranoia.)

What would you change about your life right now?
New abode.

How do you feel about public displays of affection?
It’s so wrong that it’s not right.

Have you ever bitten your nails?
Can’t say I have.

Do you live alone?
Unfortunately no.

Do you like someone right now?
Pffft. Rack off.

Can you keep a secret?
Yes. I don’t view it as keeping secrets. It’s more like keeping my word.

What was the best year of your life?
Shoot. I don’t know. I think my best year is yet to come. But I can say that the last 2 have been better than the rest. :o)

Do you have any strange phobias?
HAHAHAHAHA!!! Phobia queen here! Heh… I’ll just list a few.
Telephones.
A certain topic and everything relating to it (I shan’t be disclosing that information).
Primates.
Illiterate people.
Society.
Change.
People touching my face.
Laying flat on my back with my legs stretched out straight.
Using strange toilet facilities.
Using strange showers.
Eating in front of people I don’t really know.
Drinking wine in front of people.
Putting things in my mouth with people watching.
People touching me that I don’t know very well.
Blowing my nose in public.

Your favourite romantic movie is?
I’m not down with that brain-dead rubbish.

Are you happy with your living arrangement?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!

Have you ever played Twister?
Yes. I didn’t like it. I will never play it again. I am choosing to erase that memory now that I have recalled it.

Have you ever been drunk at school?
Only on apple juice.

Last thing received in the mail?
A form from Centrestink.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with a F?
No.

Do you have trust issues?
Yes.

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
I wouldn’t say a lot. But I do use them to portray an emotion.

Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
No. It’s all sticky underneath and that just results in a dirty, ghastly-presented water bottle and a sticky hand.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Tamara.

Are you a cuddler?
I can be hugged, yes. Depends on who is offering the hug though.

What was the last advice you gave someone?
I suggested that Julien get some lavender and put it next to his pillow at night because he is having trouble sleeping.

Have you ever hurt anyone when you were mad?
:o( Yes! I’m sorry, Julien!!! Although I wasn’t full-blown mad. But I wasn’t pleased. Dictionaries are bad. Stay away from them! They’re a health risk! There should be a national awareness campaign. I’m serious!

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Forgive. The human brain seldom 100% forgets anything.

Do you give out second chances too easily?
No.

What is the most important thing to you in any relationship?
Trust and ironing capabilities.

Do you have a best friend?
Yes! I think I do. :oD

Are you happy for your last ex?
There’s no ex to be neither happy nor sad for.

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
Not on your Nelly!

Have you ever had plans and broke them?
I’m a very careful planner. I plan every step of the day. I like to know where I’m going, what I’m doing, when I’m doing and an estimate of how long it is going to take. It tends to be someone else who breaks those plans and that sends me totally whacko.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex that you talk to 24/7?
I don’t think it’s possible to talk to someone 24/7. It would be expensive, very time consuming, and you have to sleep at some point. Someone I talk to frequently is Julien.

Do you remember what you were like a year ago?
A menace to society and Internet users world wide.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Julien.

Who was the last person you had a sleepover with?
Veronica. She’s so cool!

Better late than never...

2008-02-26T09:04:00.007+10:00

Although some may argue that and say never is much better. But oh well.

Julien is quite into his stock commodity research. He's always busy with graphing, sorting, downloading, searching, renaming and other strange and boring things. He got an e-mail on the 18^th that sent him into complete and utter despair. It turns out a place he purchased data from (at a non-exorbitant price) was shutting down. Someone had unexpectedly died (the cheek of it!) causing it's demise. He was very crushed indeed. Hard to believe data could be the cause of so much pain and anguish. However, that being said, it can also be the cause of total euphoria. The story follows...

All of you may not have been aware that the 18^th of February was a very very special day indeed. You probably went about your lives totally unaware of the importance that date held. I know I did. That is, until Julien grew extremely excited and informed me rather ecstatically of my total ignorance. :o)

It turns out that CBOT's (The Chicago Board of Trade) 2^nd incorporation had its 149^th birthday. Now Julien isn't sure, but he thinks it may have been spot on 2pm, which suits me fine because I like the number 2. However, I must add that he read that somewhere and isn't sure if the place was an authoritative source. So it could be wrong. Julien's much more pedantic and obsessive friend believes it was actually formed at 10:27am. Which I don't like because it reminds me of high school. 10:27am was when we went to morning tea. Albeit morning tea was great and all, but it was short and I'd rather not have been on the school grounds in the first place.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Anyway, now that you're all feeling so much smarter (I know I am) I'll get to a very pressing topic. This is something that simply must be said. I can't keep silent anymore! Pens! WHY oh WHY do pens go missing all the time? There's something about a pen that just attracts people. It's like it has it's own gravitational pull and anyone within 2 meters of it will be sucked right in.
At work on Saturday when I left at 2:30pm, there were at least 5 pens lying around doing nothing in particular. When you needed one you just grabbed it and all was good.
When I returned at 6:30am on the following morning the only pen I could locate was the one tied by a portion of ribbon to our huge order book. When a customer came in and needed to sign their invoice for said orders, I had to hold this massive monstrosity up while they used the pen attached.
This method was proving extremely frustrating and a complete waste of time (as I had to stand there and hold the book while they signed instead of busying myself with other tasks). So at my first available chance, I went on a mission to find a pen.
I spent like 5 minutes rummaging around until I finally found one. I placed it on the register where it proceeded to sit, obviously feigning innocence when really it was plotting who it's next human target would be.
So Ruth and Jen arrive, followed by little Michael and Gabby. The pen is still there. Doing nothing in particular (or so you think). About half an hour passes. A customer requires their order. I hand them their invoice, turn to get the pen and....
GONE! No where in sight! Just completely vanished! I was pretty irritated. So it was back to the massive order book.

Later that afternoon I went somewhere with a pen. I sat it on the seat with my books and departed. I actually thought as I put it down, "Maybe I should put it behind my books." But no. I stupidly left it on top.
When I came back, wouldn't you know it? Gone. No more pen for Chikory.

This happens all the time. People are always on a search to find a pen. It doesn't happen with pencils, or pacers, or nikko pens, or texters, or even colouring-in pencils; Just pens. It's always the pen. What is it about pens? I don't understand.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now it's about time someone realised the importance of hygiene. I'm sick of going into public toilets and having to battle not to touch the taps, doors and the soap dispensers. Those places are a breeding ground for all sorts of evil diseases just waiting to infest your body and kill you from the inside out. I hate 'em. I'll avoid them wherever possible

At school they didn't provide us with any soap. If they had bar soap, the kids would flush it down the toilet. If they had pump soap, the kids would waste it and squirt it everywhere. So during high school I always had my own bar of soap in my school bag. I much preferred to go to the office to wash my hands though. It took longer, especially when you had to go during class. My fellow posse-member Katherine and I would go down there (you had to go with someone else because it was dangerous otherwise, or so the rule was), do our thing and then walk up to the sick room located at the main office. Mrs Smith would always be sitting there in the admin room next door and we'd say "Hi Mrs. Smith." She knew we were just being hygiene-conscious and was totally cool with our tooing and froing. So she'd smile and say "Hi girls." Then we'd wash our hands, leave and say "Bye Mrs. Smith." and we got a "Bye girls." in return.
Good times. Found memories....

Anyway. Have a squiz at this article:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And now for something funny. My mum's British and this is her down to a 'T'. I've also inherited this trait (like you hadn't noticed).

Heh...

Sigh The perils of customer service…

2008-02-10T09:18:00.000+10:00

I know I'm trying to be all positive and stuff, but sometimes you've just got to have a whinge! So that's what I'm going to do. I wouldn't be a true female if I didn't.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I applied for (and accepted) this bakery job. It was a moment of insanity. And unfortunately I will be feeling its affects for quite some time.

I just don’t understand why people assume that just because you’re behind a register you have no feelings and you’re basically just a robot there to fill their requests lickety split. Whatever!

It seems I made a mistake when I surmised that tourists would be a lot more happy and laid back than your average member of community doing their grocery shopping, or dragging their kiddies around the shopping centre. This isn't the case at all. If anything it's worse! For instance: -

The Germans are very demanding. Do it NOW! I'm going to speak to you like English is your second language, be nice and slow and very affirmative. You won't get it wrong because there just won't be any room for it. It WILL be right.

The Americans think you're stupid. They're impatient. They want their order filled before they even finish telling you what it is they want. They expect table service and they constantly think they're being ripped off.

The French are just plain rude and aggressive.

The British keep asking for a "Devonshire tea". Then they get grumpy that you don't know what it is, because hey, it's not like it's written on the board as something we actually provide.

There are those who have no time for pleasantries. They actually get mad at you when you stop and greet them. Gee, sorry. My bad. I should've just appeared with a scowl on my face said, "I suppose you want something then?"

Then there are the regular customers: -

One guy is this hippy biker guy. He thinks he's top you know what. He walks in a few weeks ago, I've never seen him before in my life, so it's safe to say I've never served him. So I say, "Hello, how are you today? What can I get for you?" And I get this blank look, he turns to one of the bakers and yells out, "Have we got a new one here?"
Idiot.
He orders the same thing every time, sits outside and reads a paper and then takes the best bits of said paper and leaves the rubbishy part behind. This ticks me off because he should take his own rubbish with him.

So the other day he turns up and says to me, "The usual." So I just gave him an exasperated stare, sighed and said "Do you have ANY idea how many people I see every day?"
I guess I made a good point because he told me what his usual was. I could remember what he wanted. But I don't feel that I need to retain that information. Just because he's too lazy to tell me what he wants. I've got more important things to do. The guy's a moron anyway. He demands a special cup. Not just any cup, it has to be the round one. And then he orders a long black which is hot water and a shot of coffee. But he only wants the shot of coffee... Thus making it a SHORT black. So why not just ask for that in the first place? ID-I-OT! >:or

Then there's this old French lady. I had never laid eyes upon her before either. She comes marching in and says she wants her bread.
Well heck, we've got a whole rack of it, which exactly is her bread? So I ask which bread in particular she was referring to.
"MY BREAD!"
Well that really narrowed it down. Now I know which one she's talking about.
So again, I tell her to be more specific. It takes a few minutes, but finally we establish that she ALWAYS gets rye bread and it should be there for her. Okay, now I know. So I get her rye bread and she pays for it all the while umming and arring about whether or not to purchase a pie. You see she wanted a vegetarian pie, but we don't make those. So she hands me the money for the bread, I put it through and then she decides she wants a cold meat pie.
"Eating meat won't kill them." she says. What a charming lady. So respectful of the person's choice to avoid meat.
I go and get it and then tell her it's going to cost her 3 dollars 70.
"Haven't I already paid for it?"
Clearly I am meant to have special powers where I know that she was intending on buying that pie when she so obviously was in dire straits as to whether or not to buy it.
"No. You didn't ask for the pie until after you paid for the bread."
So then I get complaints about the price of the pie.
"It's disgusting. The price of things these days have gone up. But my pension hasn't gone up."
Well lady, you're pretty darn lucky to actually have a pension, because most other countries don't offer that luxury. Maybe you should go back to France. I wonder if they pay their old people while they await their expiration. Probably not.

I've noticed old people are very ungrateful when it comes to their pensions. They eat less, they don't rack up as many house-hold bills, they don't have kids, they shouldn't be paying off a house or anything anymore, they get rebates for medical expenses that are really quite generous, so why do they need more money? What do they use it on?

Finally I get to the shockingly rude, impatient old fart I had the delight in meeting a few days ago. It was pretty quiet, so we were all out the back getting some cleaning done. I was doing dishes, Liz was cleaning the door and Ruth was doing something else. I dunno what. She was only standing there for a minute, if that, as I was frequently looking to see if anyone had arrived. I look up and she's waving at me. So I smile, put the bowl I'm wiping down and come out the front.
"Hello. How are you today?" I say
She's snorting with steam coming out of her ears and her arms folded in a purely disgruntled fashion.
"Are you going to serve me, or do I have to go next door?"
Well gosh. What does one say to that? I thought about it for a moment and to my credit despite her clear hostility I responded with a smile and a pleasant expression. Had I been at Woolies I would've had a face that evidently expressed a desire to jump over the register and beat her to death with the little plastic divider.
Now I'm not into dictatorships. Australia is a free country and far be it from me to change that. So I said quite simply, being sure to state the obvious.
"Well that's entirely up to you."
This shocked her. I don't know what response she expected, but it's safe to say it wasn't the one she got. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water and finally settled upon a bewildered (yet indignant) "Oh. Okay then." and walked out.
There was a lady behind her patiently waiting and let's just say that she thought she was a total tool. Honestly, why people have to make scenes in public I don't know. They only come off looking like complete and utter tards. What do they hope to gain? What do you possibly gain from being so self-entitled that you assume you have the right to express your disgruntlement in such a rude manner when you feel you've been wronged? It irritates me. But I guess I just need to build up more tolerance when it comes to self-centered people.

Next we have a story that will probably make most women jealous. This Brazilian chick came in to the bakery yesterday with her very much older and fat fiancée. It pretty much looked like a mirror image of Celine Dion and her husband. That kind of age gap, ya know? Anyway. They bought a small piece of apple struddle and went outside to share it. A few minutes later they returned and purchased the big apple struddle. Now this thing is 7 or 8 inches long and about 4 and a half inches wide. Most people buy those sorts of things if they're A) Feeding a large group outside and all want the same thing or B) Taking it away to some sort of function or to use as a dessert later on.
They took it outside and devoured the entire thing between them. And they weren't done there. Back in they came and bought a 2L carton of milk. She drank half, straight from the carton and he drank the other half.
Now here's the bit to make women jealous... She wasn't even fat.
My flabber was ghasted. How does one eat and drink that much? At dinner time, sure, I can understand that. But a sweet thing for afternoon tea followed by a liter of milk? Insanity! I hope that weight doesn't catch up with her later.

That'll do for now. I feel so much better now that I've vented. Now to hang out my washing.

So... Another one bites the dust.

2008-01-23T22:32:00.000+10:00

I'm too lazy (and tired) to formulate a decent spiel. So have the beginnings of an MSN conversation...

«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
lmaor
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
That annoying short loud chick at work is so brutal.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
They're crapping on about Heath Ledger on the radio
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
And I don't know any of it because I tune that darn sound box out (they have crap radio stations).
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
And I assume Liz didn't know there were customers in the store
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
because she's short and can't see over the top of a bench.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
Anyway...
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
She murmurs something to me about Heathy boy.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
And then yells to Honor, the boss, "Hey! What do you think of Heath Ledger?"
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
Honor replies a bit bewildered, "Well... He's okay. Why?"
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
So Liz yells back, "He's as dead as a maggot!"
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
And all the customers are in total "WTF?" stance.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
So crass.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
But rather amusing.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
Anyway.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
When I heard the news.
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
All I could think of was "He got so owned."
«Çhîkörÿ Ô'rîlèÿ» says:
I'm just as bad as Liz. :os

'Ello. 'Ello. 'Ello...

2008-01-14T19:52:00.000+10:00

Whad da we ave ere now then? A post from madame Chikory? Well blow me down, I thought she'd gone and left us all!

Rubbish attempt at being an olde British officer of the law! Oh well. E for effort.

Anyway! Why am I rearing my head again on the world wide interwebs you might be wondering? Well I have a few things I wish to say and one person in particular I wish to address. I'll start with that.

Anonymous: I'm sorry you think my website is boring. Let me point out to you a very obvious (at least to most people with any intellect) fact. All people have different tastes. If we all liked the same things then the world would be totally boring and people would be constantly fighting over stuff (not that they aren't already, but I'm sure it'd be worse). That being said allow me to make a suggestion. Begin working on something called 'acceptance'. It's not an easy thing to master, but when you do you'll be mighty proud and a better person for it.
See people out there are always going to do or say things we either don't like or don't agree with. If we were to let those things get to us then...
A) We aren't very empowered because we're then placing our happiness/emotional well-being in other peoples' hands.
& B) We're always going to be pissed off at something or someone and that's no state to be in.

Other people unfortunately have the right to behave any way they see fit. It may not be right and you may not agree with it, but the freedom we were given to make our own choices and not be machines bestows that right upon us. So instead of getting all disgruntled and "rocking the boat" or trying to force someone to walk the plank, we simply acknowledge the fact we dislike it, and then accept their right to behave in such a way and move on.
How's that slice of pie?

Now in regards to my humble interweb abode the way I see it is that you have 2 options. You can not bother to come here any more. Or you can relish the opportunity handed to you by me on two occasions now. You know what I'm talking about.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Enough about that dude. Now on to some serious stuff.
Woolumaworths.
Damn them. My alfalfa sprouts aren't due to expire until the 19th of January. On the outside they looked okay. But when I got home and opened up the package I discovered that they were as soggy as a worm in a puddle of water. Do worms get soggy? I dunno. But they were wet as. So now I'm a tad disgruntled.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It cost me 47 bucks to fill my tank with petrol. 1.31 a litre! What the heck? Eh? EH? Day light robbery... although I filled up at night. So I guess it's your usual run-of-the-mill night time robbery. Meh...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I have a job interview tomorrow for a receptionist position. I really would like to get into some data entry or admin work. Something involving less people. But I figure I'll be cautiously optimistic and scope the place out. It might not be so bad. The lady that answered the phone was really polite, so that's a good start I think.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

How's this writers' strike going? I want House back! Matt AKA GVG, give us the goss will ya? I wanna be kept in the loop! Dang it!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As some of you may know I have gone all healthy and stuff. I don't eat gluten, I don't consume dairy, I cut back on sugar, don't touch caffeine, eat only organic stuff where ever possible and I certainly don't touch any additives or preservatives. Some think that makes for a pretty boring diet. But I concur! If anything it's better and more exciting. Just about any recipe can be transformed to fit in with these strict dietary guidelines. It opens the door to creativity. And I'm actually enjoying it. Sure I miss cheese and candy and bread. But now I have excellent self control, and the best part, I went from a size 16-18 down to a size 8. :o) YAY!
Anyway, what I intend on doing at some point is creating a section here at The Epiphany Toilet for recipes I have edited and handy tips.

That'll do.

Time Machine! Minus the Flux Capacitor!

2007-12-18T07:36:00.000+10:00

Another thing from Julien's stash of papers. This is something he got from his uni days. I don't understand a word of the rest of the paper. But I did see the humour in the subheading. Somehow, I doubt this guy's findings are so. Really all I have to say is lolr*!

Have a jolly good day.

*If you don't know what that means by now, then I'm going to tell you. Lolr means laughing out loud real.

How to be a good wife.

2007-12-18T07:22:00.000+10:00

Julien was going through all of his paperwork last week. It was quite a stash he had, but he steadily made his way through it and in the process stumbled upon a few humourous things. Well, he thought one was funny but I didn't appreciate the comic value that much... He knows which one I'm referring to. Anyway, he knew I'd love this one. Most of you have probably seen it before, after all it is floating around all over the intermanet. But just in case you haven't, here it is.

I present to you all the Good Wife's Guide. What to do and what not to do to be the best wife you possibly can. If you're not following this then shame on you!

After reading that you can see why they decided to start women's liberation in the 60's.

There was also this little dig that popped up as a result. Have a read, you may enjoy it. I thought it was somewhat amusing. :o)

Very mature of me, I know...

2007-10-23T17:08:00.000+10:00

I was doing some google searching for recipes involving chicken when I came across this. I just had to share with you all. Because that's good manners. :o)

Have a good day.

I declare war upon Windows Live.

2007-09-15T13:40:00.000+10:00

>:o( See that face? That's the face of complete and utter disgruntlement! I'm pissed as. Yesterday morning I was FORCED to update from MSN 7.0 to Windows Live. I hate Windows Live. For months they've been asking me if I'd like to download the latest version, and each time my answer has been exactly the same; NO! So now they've pulled a swifty and not given me the option. I couldn't sign on until I complied with their Nazi demands.

Not.Happy.Jan! >:o(

It seems that whenever Microsoft updates a program their main objective is to create a much more frustrating, non-beneficial version. It's like they all sit in their office plotting.
"We've received complaints that this program doesn't actually work very well. It apparently gives the user error messages when they try to perform functions the program is supposed to be able to comply with."
"What? Don't waste my time with that! How can we make it more annoying?"
"Oh! I know! Let's move the button to close the window somewhere else. That'll confuse them."
"Very good, Bob. You get a pay rise."
"And how about we ask the user if they want to download a bunch of partner programs, and even if they say no just do it anyway?"
"EXCELLENT! Bob, you're fired. Fred, you get his pay rise."

I bet that's what they do. Seriously. I'm 98.8% convinced of it. It's a conspiracy!

So I have this absolutely retarded version of MSN stuck on my computer like a virus. Then again, I'm using Windows, so it's more like an extremely minor sniffle in comparison. I absolutely hate the graphical interface. It's drab and depressing. I don't handle change, so that's another reason I'm hating it. The snot green online user man and the grey depressing fading man for offline is just... well, it's damn depressing! That's what it is. Depressing!
It's slow. A lot slower than 7.0 was. Half the time it doesn't function. But then again, that's their aim so I guess they did their job.
And my biggest peeve by far is the fact that it created a folder on C drive called "My sharing folder".
A) I don't intend on sharing anything with anyone.
B) I'm no Communist! Obviously Microsoft wants us all to be though. And I wouldn't mind, but if the program actually communicated with itself it would know that I don't wish to partake in their new age Hippie mumbo jumbo. I said "No" to file sharing. N.O. I ticked the little box. Why create a folder when it's already been decided that's it's not going to be required?
& C) I don't appreciate having things on ma pooter that I can't rename or delete if I should feel inclined.

I hate being told what to do on my own pooter by a freakin' program! I gave the bums feedback, which they'll probably ignore. But I'm totally planning on switching back to Yahoo.

It's probably not worth getting so angry about. But I'll get over it. It's just no good to bottle it up inside, no matter how puny and insignificant it seems. As Joy's mum from My Name is Earl says, "Don't you judge me!" Heh. Great show.

Leave my elevator alone!

2007-09-12T21:44:00.000+10:00

You know, I think I've had a post by this name before. But I thought one of my favourite movie quotes (From Blast From the Past) fitted really well. You'll see why when you read on and follow the links...

I couldn't let such comedy gold fall into my lap and just pass it by. My brother sent this link today assuring me I'd "laugh my ass off". I don't have a donkey, but I figured I'd give it a quick look see regardless. Click here for the direct youtube link, just in case the newspaper url changes at some point. I can't be expected to keep track of these things, so I'm just covering all bases.
There's some bad language, but it's no worse than what you get on TV or in movies. You can't say you weren't warned.
Also, see this dude taking the piss out of the emo moron.

In other news. Kevin Rudd has totally ignored my friend request on myspace. I'm hurt. Seriously. I'm deeply hurt. On the inside. If I voted I'd totally be John Howard all the way!* There's no fury like a Chikory scorned.
I wouldn't mind but I only wanted to leave him a comment in an attempt to help his campaign along. His cool points are under serious threat by having Tom as his friend. I mean, that's like having a huge neon nerd sign constantly hanging above your head. He needs to be informed! How about we all ban together to get this message across? Otherwise things could get disastrous.

Peace out ma homeboys.

*Just a quick note to let you all know I don't particularly care for Kevin Rudd. I don't care for hands-in-your-pocket Howard, either. Vote. Don't vote. What do I care.

Chikory visits Nerd Central - Part Two

2007-09-06T12:56:00.000+10:00

YAY! The not-so-long anticipated arrival of part two is here. You can all relax now.

In all my time of riding the trains I've never once had my ticket checked. Not once! That is until precisely 9:13am on the 4^th of September. :o) Ohmog! So exciting!!!
We got off the train at South Brisbane and were met by 2 macho cops who demanded everyone show their tickets in order to gain access to the streets below. I was stoked. In that moment my world became complete. Well, for a few minutes anyway.

**********************

There's one thing I've noticed during these missions to collect commodities, and that's that all the crazy people seem to congregate at the library. I don't know what it is that attracts them to it. After all you'd think they'd have better things to do with their time. I know if I were a nut job I'd have some fun with it. There are heaps of cool things you can do in a public place that are more fun than reading books and stalking dead relatives via old newspapers. But what would I know? Apparently I'm sane... Apparently.

On the topic of dead relative stalking, it's extremely funny to watch people getting excited over everything that they've discovered along their research journey. They almost never keep this intriguing information to themselves. No Sir, it's the friendly librarians that cop it the most. Miles is probably the one who is mainly targeted. You'll see him bailed up by some crazy person regaling him of all their uber interesting discoveries.
"And my great great great great great great grandma, she apparently used to go to the store and buy oranges! I know! ORANGES! Would you believe it? And afterwards, she'd squeeze them and have orange juice. Like, not from a bottle with preservatives and stuff. Just 100% pure fresh orange juice!"
Miles of course acts equally as excited over the news, just to be polite.
What I'd love to see is someone trying that over on the evil bitchy librarians. They'd be all, "Shut the hell up and piss off! We need you to vacate the machine NOW as we have a huge backlog of people waiting. I don't have time for civilities, you insignificant little twerp! ROAR!!!" Then they'd morph into some strange alien creature and proceed to eat them.
SMACK DOWN!

I was actually privy to a conversation between two researches. They were both literally fighting with each other for the right to speak. I wonder if either of them comprehended what the other was saying, because to me it just sounded like two people talking at the same time. But who knows. Maybe it's a talent this breed of weirdo possess. I joked with Julien that he should go over and start telling him about all the data and wheat prices he's collecting. But he didn't. :o( He'll make a spectacle of himself trying to squeeze through small gaps sectioning the public off from staff office spaces, but he won't share the enlightening world of data with anyone. *Sigh*

**********************

I was most disappointed that over the two days, Barry was a total no show. My plans were foiled! Not that I had any plans, but if I did then it would've been safe to say that they were well and truly stufftorized. Damn you, Barry. You got the last laugh. But unless you've been institutionalised we'll meet again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But sometime in the future I'm sure. You haven't seen the last of me... Yeah, I dunno what that was about either. It just sounded good so I said it.
I blame Julien.*

**********************

It takes all sorts to make up society. Some characters are interesting. Some we can do without. The gay cowboy we saw, we can definitely do without. He showed up, cowboy hat, tighter pants than a guy should have, and a little black bag he carried ever so daintily in front of him as he ponced along. Ew factor definitely +2000. Without a doubt!

**********************

There are so many inconsistencies among the library staff it's not funny. For instance, it's okay to talk loudly with each other, but if you were to talk loudly on your mobile phone you'd get totally owned.
The other inconsistency we came across was over the use of the microfilm machine. This big fat lady came up to us to inform us that when you book a machine, you can have it until 2pm. After that they reserve the right to plant the boot in and evict you if necessary. Fair enough, we'd be done by then anyway. So we nodd in acknowledgement and she waddles off with her minion in toe (a trainee who seems to follow her around like a starving lost puppy dog hoping for some food).
So come 12:30pm, we decide to go for lunch. Same deal as always, on our return one of the Nazi ladies won't give our machines back without a few words of disgruntlement. "No! ROAR!!! Okay. Because I'm nice and stuff I'm going to allow you to do this, even though I'm not meant to. Remember. I'm going out of my way for you. I am your superior now. Now, I own you."
What-ev-er lady! Get over yourself. You're just a librarian. As discovered later in the day, you know very little about your job. Get this. Her solution to a computer related issue - Shut it down and restart it. Yeah, that'll fix every problem...
Your pooter has a virus - Right on, we'll shut it down and restart it. Now the virus is magically gone. YAY!

**********************

Throughout the course of collecting page after page of alphanumerical data you tend to see some rather amusing statements (See figures A and B). They may not make you laugh. But someone as mature as me finds it most entertaining.

Figure A - Smutty wheat. Heh. Wheat with bad language. I like that.

Figure B - This brings me to an important question. They have inspectors for most things. Grain inspectors, meat inspectors, ship inspectors etc... So does this mean they have butt inspectors? Imagine that. You're on the plane heading to a new country and you get that little green card to fill out. Occupation - Butt inspector. You'd be strip searched for that one, I'm sure.
And who would want to eat pork from the loin area? That just sounds dirty!

**********************

What is it about little old ladies conversing that's so funny? There were these two old ladies working side by side behind us discussing something that must have been extremely important to them. It sounded like they hadn't quite ironed out all the creases in their routine yet. But one appeared to not be giving as much of a stuff about it and decided to humour her cohort.
"I think it's essential that the name goes IN the box." "Yes. I agree. Yes." And so it went on...

**********************

Tuesday afternoon finished on a terrifying note. Upon our exit there were these strange "singing" people that congregated throughout the building.
There's a big hollow area that goes straight up the middle of the building, so it basically echos like a canyon. They situated themselves on each level, scattered strategically around the floors. Their idea of singing must have stemmed from some retarded artistic point of view. I tried to record it with my phone, but I didn't have time to perfect it. It was seriously creepy stuff. I just wanted to get the heck out of there. I don't know what it was, and I don't want to know either. All that warbling, screaming and humming was as eerie as the lake itself.

**********************

What is it with people who have to talk to those who don't speak English very well? On one of the days we were waiting at the elevators and there was this group of Japanese people. They were being shown around by some lady. So she congregates them around the lift and points to the big metal doors and says slowly and clearly, "This.is.the.elevator." Like, no way. Because the ones they have in Japan look totally different to these. They never would have known that. Not in a million years. *I roll my eyes*

**********************

Finally after an action packed Tuesday, we morph into Wednesday. I only have one thing to report for Wednesday, and that's the arrival of Barry's replacement. He's got nothing on the original, but he was certainly more verbal and proved more entertaining. He just didn't have any mystery about him.
Stephanie is the head lady librarian for the research department. As I said in my last post, she has the power but she uses it sparingly. She's hard but fair. She'll explain things to you and it'll seem like she's being an asshole, but in actual fact she's just adamantly telling you that she has the utmost confidence in you and you can do it if you just believe. Do I hear an Amen? No? Okay...
So there's this old guy who is obviously lacking in the sanity department. Not only that but he's the sort that believes others should do things for him. If he doesn't want to learn, then he won't. It's as simple as that.
He can't seem to load the reel on, so he goes to Stephanie for help. She says she'll show him, but he proceeds to start chunnering on about how he won't get it and she can just come and do it for him when he needs it done.
"No." She sternly informs him, "I'll show you how to do it. We are far too busy to keep coming back and loading the reel for you. You can do it. I'll show you how."
So after a bit of debating, he listens and watches and then starts his spiel, "Right. I'll have a go at it. I'll have a go of it. If I can't get it then I know I'm not perfect then am I? I'm not a perfect man."
The amusing part was that even after Stephanie had left he was still making his point. No one was listening to him. No one was even looking at him. But he was still talking as if there was someone standing right there still having a conversation.

He wasn't a stupid man though. He knew Stephanie wasn't going to assist him. So he actually waited for her to go to lunch, and then collared some other woman to help him. As she showed him how to do it, again, he threw in the remark "I can take them off and you can come and put them on for me."
Heh. Right...

So he's continuing to talk to himself long after the lady has left. Across from me there is an old guy working who has next to no tolerance at all. He spins around in his chair and doesn't yell, but says it loud enough for those surrounding him to hear, "Shut the up you old !"

And that's the end of that. When we go back to collect any data we missed, I'm hoping to go to the museum. I know I said that last time, but this time I'm going to try extra hard to make that happen. And if it doesn't, then it's all Julien's fault.* :o)

*Personal joke. You won't get it, but you're welcome to laugh anyway.

Chikory visits Nerd Central - Part One

2007-09-01T08:44:00.000+10:00

That's right. Chikory went to Nerd Central again for another work-related field trip. YAY! :o)

Fortunately, it wasn't a very eventful field trip. I say fortunately because that means that there were a lot less annoying people than last time. I really don't bode well with the public. So both Julien and I were grateful for the lack of bogan idiots (My words, not his).
Anyway, on with the show...

**********************

We headed down Monday night, because it's a lot less stressful than having to be at his Aunt's place by a certain time so we don't miss our train. On the way down there were road works. This was along the highway, so you've got the decrease in speed limit - 100, 80, 60, 40. Now who wants to do 40 on the highway? Seriously? While you may try, it's just painful to do, and the person behind always shows their disgust by trying to link their car with yours from behind. You see them hunched over their wheel, chunnering on to themselves with the most disgruntled expression. So what I usually do, and what Julien did, was compromise; do 50kmph. Which got me to thinking. I wonder if that would work on a cop should you get pulled over?
"But officer Scott, I compromised. The sign said 40, the guy behind wanted me to do 60, so I did 50 to keep everyone happy."
Probably not, eh? If anyone wants to try it out and see if it works, let me know how you go.

**********************

Tuesday morning our adventure begins. Bright and early at the ripe old hour of 8:13am, we get on the train and have our first encounter with a crazy person. He was down the other end of the carriage, so it was no bother to us, but I felt sorry for the people unfortunate enough to be stuck in his immediate vicinity.

It seems this guy really liked his boots. Some poor soul made the mistake of making eye contact with him, and away he went. You could tell he was on cloud 9, thinking he had quite an audience hanging on his every word. But about 5 minutes after realising he wasn't getting any feed back (only strange looks) he eased off and pretty soon was silent.

"You know that song? Elvis' song? Don't you step on my blue suede shoes? Well that's the ad. Don't you step on my Doc Martens. See (Sticks his boot in the air and points proudly) that's me. These are my Doc Martens. Don't you step on my Doc Martens."

Riggggght fella... News flash, no one was intending on doing that, and nobody cares.

That was about all the excitement for the trains on Tuesday. Pretty boring standard commuting there. But as I said before, I don't mind that. So long as people stay the heck away from me, I'll be able to keep my mood in check and not want to go on a not-so-random, random killing rampage.

We both were wondering if our old friend, the OCD guy, would be there. When we arrived at 10am, he was no where in sight. I was a little disappointed, as he's usually there in time for the opening hoping to get his favourite machine; number 10. But my disappointment wasn't to last for long, as he showed up LATE. He actually looked less crazy. I would've thought he'd be a mess, not keeping to his dead line and all, but I guess he handled that really well. However, as the day went on, he started to look worse and worse.
He's got one of those hair doo's that could be a potential comb over. Completely bald on top, and a little bit of hair around the outside. And let me just say, for a guy with OCD, he really needs to learn how to wash his small amount of hair. It looks so greasy and disgusting it's not funny. His hair sticks straight out the sides (but not the back), and desperately needs to become acquainted with a comb. Ohmog, like, ew!

But back to my point. We found out his name. He must have been on the waiting list for a machine because when it became available the lady at the front desk called out for him. "BARRY!"
Ah ha! His name is Barry! He looks like a Barry, too. You're all feeling hella smart and informed now that you know that, huh? I know I am. It's actually nice to have a name instead of just "OCD Man/Guy" or "Our friend". Although Julien quite adamantly tells me that he's not his friend, he's mine. Heh. I guess crazy people just gravitate towards their own kind (I'm going to get in trouble for writing that. I'm kidding, though. <:o( Sorry...). Anyway, I'm really curious to know what he's doing. But how to find out? That's something I'm going to spend the next 3 days contemplating. I just need a plan of attack before Tuesday when we return to finish the job. That sounds like a killing or something, doesn't it? I should've added evil laughter.

**********************

Wednesday. You know it took me ages to learn how to spell that word at school? Just a bit of pointless info for your brains.

Barry was on time. I've noticed that he goes to the right side of the glass doors and stands as close to them as possible. I swear his nose is almost touching the glass. I suppose he thinks that if he stands that close they'll take pity on him and open the library sooner. Sort of like the puppy dog sitting in the pet shop giving everyone a "please love me, I'm so bored in here" stare. Although, when the doors do finally open he charges in there like an angry bull, so he may just think that the extra 2 seconds he gains from being so near to the entrance will make all the world of difference as to what machine he gets.
But HA! The jokes on him. We BOOKED machine 10.

We can only book because we come from far away to use the microfilm machines. Anyone living in the city gets put on a waiting list and have to come back later. This has its perks, too. Because when they have a large waiting list, the evil female librarians come along and start kicking people off. They can't do this to us, 'cause we're all special and stuffs, so this ticks them off.

There was this older couple on a machine close to mine. I thought this worth mentioning, I know a lot of people wearing glasses have done this at one stage. I know I have. But this guy did it every single time he put his glasses on. How you can manage to poke yourself square in the eye about 10 times or more without twigging that you're doing something wrong is beyond me. After 2 or 3 times I'd be thinking that there needs to be some serious changes made to my method of attack.

Last but not least for Wednesday, we have a picture. Yes, I can take cool picture images with ma telamaphone and put 'em on ma pooter now. They're not the greatest quality, but it's better than nothing. Anyway, I'm sure you've all seen this sticker on a car before. I found it amusing, so I thought I'd be nice and share. There's more happiness in giving than there is in receiving you know.

**********************

Last day for the week. Thursday. It's all downhill on Thursday... I hate those Australia Post ads. Damn it! I just assisted their cause didn't I? I guess the ads are doing their job then, huh?

Library ladies. What is it with them? I know I mentioned this last time, but I'm going to mention it again.
It seems that when you get females in charge of anything they sense their power and decide to exact vengeance on anything and everything they can. Even if it doesn't move they'll order it about with a full blown bitchiness that only the female gender can master.
The male staff, they're cruisy as. "You wanna go to lunch? Sure! That's fine. See you in 35 minutes." "You're unsure of what to do? Okay, I'll tell you. I'll talk TO you, not DOWN to you."

You should hear them explaining things to the noobs who don't know what they're doing. It's like they're simpletons and have immense difficulty understanding even the most basic of English terms. It's so disrespectful and offensive. I hate that.

As I said before they can't kick us off when there's a waiting list because we're weary little travellers and that would just be the epitome of cruelty. I believe this really ticks off the female staff (excluding one - Stephanie. She's nice. She has the power but she uses it sparingly). We're there from 10 until about 3:30, sometimes 4pm. They can't possibly expect us to not have any food in that time. You can't eat in the library, but you can bring gum in (in your mouth is acceptable, but in the packet is a no go) so we leave for 35 minutes and come back.
For the first 2 days it was no problem. We'd leave, we'd return in the allotted time, and all was well. However on the last day the evil leader of this posse decided that - "NO! You can not do that! There's a new rule I've just made up, and you can't book machines in the afternoon. Only the morning. HOWEVER! I am going to go out of my way. I'm bending over backwards for you, my head is on the chopping block so you owe me for my greatness. I'm going to let you have those machines back because I'm just so kind and lovely."
*Cough*Garbage*Cough*
I've pulled off more difficult rubbish stories than that during my time at Woolworths much more convincingly.

It's just amazing. If you talk to someone different you get a different story. The rules are forever changing and materialising depending on the mood of the person.

Why do female employees in higher ranking positions turn super Nazi? Can anyone out there answer me that?

Heh... Thanks, Matt! :o)

2007-08-15T12:46:00.000+10:00

You know you've made your mark on the Interwebs when someone takes it upon themselves to add you to the Urban Dictionary.

Hilarious! Thanks a heap, Matt. That's great. :o)

State of Origin Game 1 Recap (2007)

2007-06-08T16:52:00.000+10:00

Who cares, this isn't even going to be a serious review. So if that's what you're after, then don't bother reading on. You'll only be wasting your time.

We open the game with commentary from, well, commentators. One of the guys was booed by several of the people I happened to be watching the game with. I didn't know what the problem was, until the guy spoke. It turns out he's a bit of a retard, and quite annoying actually. I only wish I knew his name so I could find a photo. Oh well, maybe next game.
Anyway, as we hear from these two dweebs in the spectators' box, losing 3 years in a row has apparently caused Maroon spirits to drop. This is sad. *Insert frowny face here* I find this kind of laughable, because as the teams come running out on to the field, many are booing. Now I'd think THAT would cause spirits to drop. How is that helping their self-esteem? I’ll tell you how. IT’S NOT! How about we all be nice to one another? Eh? EH? It doesn’t matter what jersey they’re wearing. They’re still human!
We are also given another important piece of information at this time - There are none more nervous than the Mullen family. I'm sorry. Who?

You may have realised I know next to nothing about this game. I recapped it once before about 2 years ago, and I'm proud to say that I don't know much more about it now than I did then.

So the game is in progress. We get man on man hugging action here. They get pushed and tackled to the ground, and we watch as the trapped player kicks his legs about in an attempt to free himself. Me thinks someone doesn't like being hugged much. I can identify with that.

Some dude unworthy of Google time got a blood nose. It was amusing when one of the commentators pointed out (rather sarcastically) the irony of using a white towel to wipe the player's faces clean when such a thing occurs. They must go through loads of Napisan Plus Oxyaction. I'd love to see some old woman in an apron come running out on to the field yelling at them for staining a perfectly good face towel. Heh, that'd be comedy gold. Actually, it'd probably be the highlight of the entire game for me.

Two Maroon morons went on report for something called "lifting". It sounds like a ballet routine to me. Were they getting in touch with their feminine side? Meh...

One of many disgraceful moments to come, and even a Blue supporter cried foul! That ball did NOT touch the ground. I understand that they have to get it over the line and the ball must physically make contact with the grass. This did not happen. Yet the Blue team gets 2 points? How can this be? What game was the ref watching? INSANITY! There were quite a few occasions where the Maroons scored, yet didn't get the points. I'm thinking conspiracy theory. Someone contact Rense.com! The world needs to be informed!!!

If you're wearing white, you wear white underneath it. I cannot for the life of me fathom how this referee got away with wearing white shorts and navy Blue undies underneath. TMI! TMI!!! I don't need to know what colour his jocks are! There are ladies present (anyone who knows me on the net will go "What? Radars/Chikory? Whatever?" If anyone actually said that, you're cordially invited to shut the hell up!)

One of the commentators informs us that he's "nervous with these QLD cutbacks" Um... What? If something as mundane as that makes him nervous, I'd hate to see what terrifies him!

I like the scoring. I happily watched the numbers stay even. 2 points, 4 points. So nice. :o) That is... Until some bustard* on the Maroon team kicked a freakin' field goal! What the hell is a field goal anyway? That's a pansy way of scoring. They didn't even need that 1 point to win the game. I think it's disgusting! It's disgraceful! It's a complete and utter shambles! Someone should be fired for that! It annoyed me so much I spent the rest of the game willing them to kick another field goal just to bring it back to even again. I was so mad about it that I awoke the next morning despising field goals (and the perpetrator) just as much as I did when it happened. DOWN WITH FIELD GOALS! DOWN I SAY! DOWN!!!

Antonio Kaufusi or something got hurt. I think he was faking it. He just wanted sympathy. Maybe he wasn't getting hugged enough by the other team.

I find it funny to watch the team score. They start jumping around, pumping their fists into the air, and cheering with excitement. The crowd goes wild. Everyone but the opposing team and its supporters are happy... And then the ref goes "NO!" They should all learn from this and take a lesson in being cautiously optimistic. You don't have as far to fall if you're cautiously optimistic.

The Maroon's second try was thrown out. This was ok because it wasn't a complete loss; the guy knocked out the camera post thingy. He accomplished something even if he didn't get a goal. Is it called a goal in this sport? Meh x 2...

Best point in the game - 22. The Maroons reached the spectacular score of 22 points! And then that monkey kicked a field goal and ruined it... What made this score even better was the fact that a Blue player played a key role in helping the Maroons score. His expression of absolute repulsion in himself was priceless... For everything else there's Mastercard.

Some Blue guy takes a page from Ben Kennedy's book and milks a hit for all it's got. Faker! Well and truly a faker!

52,498 peeps rocked up to watch their homies hug and chase a ball around. Good times. Real good times.

I suggest they make the uniform with longer pants. There's far too much exposure. If I wanted to see that, I'd ... I dunno, go somewhere where you can see that sort of thing. Oh wait. This is somewhere where you can see that. Hmm... Never mind, my disgust has been registered. Now let’s never speak of it again.

Final score for game 1 - Maroons - 25 Blues - 18
Not good enough. Try harder next time and keep the Squad damn score even!!!

This messy incoherent rant has been brought to you by the equally messy and incoherent mind of Chikory O'riley.

I bid you good day.

*A bustard is a type of field turkey. The player responsible was Thurston.

Sharp pointy objects, the zoo, and the inhabitants of my hometown...

2007-05-22T17:36:00.000+10:00

It's been yonks since I posted last. So I figured I'd better get my slack behind into gear and say something useful. I have a couple of topics to cover. So I'll just get on with it.

Bogans. They're everywhere. They're like a super-human breed of idiots. They go through life blissfully unaware of their total loser status and hold their heads high as they walk down the streets donning a dirty un-ironed pair of tracksuit pants, and baggy T-shirt full of holes. Disgusting.
Anyway, my point. I'm outside Woolies the other day waiting for my posse when I spy 2 notorious creepy bogans getting excited over a little piece of paper. It didn't take me long to realise that the paper in question was none other than a scratchy ticket. Seems they'd already gone through 2 tickets, and this was to be their last chance. So the one with the beard exclaims, "This is the one! It's this one! I know it!"
He hands it to his friend, who then scratches away half and returns it awaiting the outcome. Still jittering on about how lucky they were going to be, the one with the beard scratches off the final few panels.With a sigh the bearded man concedes, "You know what? It's not the one."
And then an argument starts because they were both out of money. I then watched the one with the beard search the drains and the gutters for any change. How sad an existence that must be. And people wonder why I hate going down town on my own.

Next up, Chikory had to get a needle. :o( Total boo hoo fest. I hate needles. They're awful things. That big sharp pointy object stabbing itself into your flesh and then siphoning your blood. Ewwww. Gives me the hebee geebies. Anywho. I had to get some blood drawn for some tests. It was my choice, so I guess I shouldn't be complaining. I've always had a fear of the thing braking off inside of me or something. I know it's not going to happen, but we all have some fears that are irrational; that's mine.
So the lady stabs me with the intruding object's proboscis and gets the first vial done. Then she pops in the second one, but it only fills half way. She pokes my arm a bit. Nothing. So she tightens the tie around my upper arm. Nothing. Then she loosens it. Still nothing. So she pushes the needle in further (OUCH!) and still nothing! It was like I ran out of blood or something. Or maybe I just didn't want to give up my blood. That's plausible. I'm stubborn, so why can't my blood be, too?1 and a half vials had to do. I hope they had enough, because I'm not going back to have that done again.

Now for the zoo recap. Yes, calm down. I know you've all been eagerly anticipating it... Well, truth be known Mel was the only one who said she was looking forward to it.
Alma Park Zoo. It wasn't a bad place. They have killer insects there. Their mosquitoes don't dawdle around. They get straight down to business within seconds. Disgusting evil creatures.

There was the most butt kicking emoo (emu). It came right up to the fence, looked at me, and was about to walk away. So I bowed my head at it. To birds this tells the other one that you believe it to be the more dominant. It had the funniest expression. It did this double take and looked totally astounded that it had somehow won over this human. So it turned back to the fence and started puffing itself up like it was something great. I liked that emoo. It had personality.

We saw a couple of ostriches. Julien was scared of them because they were so big. I knew they couldn't get you through, or over the fence. But he wasn't convinced. Understandable I suppose. They were pretty darn big.

There was a cool wombat. He was fast asleep when we got there. So cute.

Monkeys... I hate monkeys. Gross disgusting filthy excuses for primates. I class these with bogans. I HATE MONKEYS... and cats. But mostly monkeys!

If the fence weren't there, this dingo would've eaten us for sure. How nice does it look? It's got really good features, and I could tell it had character. I like animals with character. That's probably why I hate cats. But I really REALLY hate monkeys.

The baby water hens didn't turn out real good. They were moving too fast. They came over to say hello and see if there was any food. Then the mother saw what they were doing and charged over to yell at us. She came right up to me and tried to eat my ring. Didn't work, lucky for her.

Click here to see the rest of the photos. No huge story to tell with these, so I shall now leave you with a short informative sentence.

I do not like monkeys at all!!!

I'm still alive and kicking...

2007-05-03T14:12:00.000+10:00

Ohmog! Chikory totally did something new today... She ate LIVER!

I've been dissing it and saying it's gross and stuff. But in actual fact I'd never tried it. So today I conceded, and decided I'd try a small portion so that I could at least feel justified in saying it was a truly evil substance that shouldn't be allowed anywhere near my taste buds. But I was pleasantly surprised. Well... Maybe pleasant is the wrong word to use. But I did find it quite tasteless. So I ate the whole piece that was given me (No a word is not missing, that's old English), and now am only justified in saying that liver stinks. That much is true. It does stink. But it doesn't taste disgusting.

Anyway. I'm going to the zoo next week. So I'll be sure to find a camera and take some pictures. If not, I'll definitely put a recap up sometime within the next month.

In other unrelated news, check this out. It's good for a laugh... or a headache. Napoleon would like it, I'm sure. So if you're reading this, Hambo, pass it on to her with my love. Mwah ha ha ha!

Until we meet again. This is your host Chikory, signing out.

17 days too late...

2007-04-20T17:30:00.000+10:00

My goodness I'm slow. I just realised that as of the 3rd of this month (April), my website has been going for 2 whole years! Well whoop-dee-doo.

Too many odd numbers! ARGH! I'm ending this post now.

Supermarket 101

2007-04-20T11:48:00.001+10:00

It's a must read for anyone who enters a supermarket. Supermarket 101 is out there, ready to educate all those little shoppers on how to do it right. I don't care if you say you've been shopping for 30 plus years. Until you've worked the supermarket scene, you don't know squat about the correct way to do your food shopping.

Thank goodness this person has come to save the day. Educating everyone (not just Australia wide, but world wide) on the dos and don'ts of this everyday procedure; grocery shopping.

I implore you all to read and heed the wise words of this fellow blogger. If you don't... Well then you're just being arrogant. But before you make that decision, think about it this way -
The next time you stand there whinging that the checkout operator is taking too long, remember that they can go even slower.
Whinging that the lines are too long? Well, the supervisor can always choose to send half the staff on a tea break.
Complaining an item isn't in stock and rudely insist that a staff member go out the back and locate it for you? Well, it's safe to say that you won't be seeing them again for at least 5 minutes.

It may be wrong, but it's how people respond to that sort of thing. Smile, you get a smile back. Frown, you get a frown back. It's a two way street.

Now stop reading this and go and educate yourself on how to shop right!

Part 2 - YAY! Field trip!

2007-04-16T15:38:00.000+10:00

Ohmog! Here it is! The long anticipated 2nd installment of Chikory's Field Trip Adventure™!
Okay, so it's not that great an adventure. But stuff it. I'll build it up to whatever height I see fit! And it sure beats the hell out of staying home.

I wasn't well on Wednesday, so we put it off a day and decided to start the ball rolling bright and early on Thursday. So in a similar layout to last time, here's what went down...

Thursday - The trip down to the train station went okay. There wasn't anything to complain about there. Nor was there anything to make a big song and dance over, either. But come train time, I got my patience thoroughly tested. Hell, even Julien found it hard. And he's a cruisy person; 99.9% tolerance and totally in control. (I'm not kidding, he is!)

I don't know what it is about the teenagers of today, but it seems that not only don't they have any scruples, but they also don't seem to have any consideration for anyone else unfortunate enough to be trapped in the same vicinity as them.
These 3 total chavs boarded about 4 stations after us, dressed in the latest gear, with their mobile phones playing obnoxious tunes, and the chick donning sunnies bigger than her face. The 2 guys she was with were apparently cousins.
Not 5 minutes after they'd sat down, the older boy's phone rings. Older dude passes it to his little cousin (apparently this guy was only 11, but he looked 15 or 16). Then he's leaning over telling his cousin to lie for him on the phone.
"He's not home yet."
"He left his phone behind."
"I don't know when he'll get back."

He sets an excellent example for this impressionable kid. But what would you expect? When the phone conversation came to a close, it was revealed that it was his social worker. He explained the situation rather loudly to his girl, telling her that he'd bought 2 things from Woolworths, and the chick at the register "forgot" to scan one of them. As a result, he got done for shop lifting... *Cough* Whatever *Cough*
There are 2 things wrong with that story.
A) Only one of the 2 items he mentioned was expensive. Seeing as the batteries didn't make it on to the list (total coincidence, huh?), he would've noticed the incredibly low price his shopping came to.
and B) If it really was a misunderstanding, it would be on the security video that he'd actually placed the batteries on the counter to be scanned. Thus proving that he did the right thing, and it was really just a mistake.

Not long after that, he whips out his IPod... with SPEAKERS! His chick was getting cheesed because he kept changing the songs so frequently.
"I'm trying to find a good one." He replies
Heh, right. I could've told him that he wouldn't find anything. But he persisted... The entire train ride. Much to my and probably many other's annoyance.

We arrived a little late at the State Library, but fortunately we had 2 machines booked... One being number 10, which just so happened to be OCD Man's machine. He gave us death stares the entire time he was there. Julien even hid under the desk once when he saw him coming, which must have looked rather suspicious to security should they have been watching it on the camera. I pointed this out to him, so to really run the point home, he searched the roof for the camera, grinned when he saw it and pointed. Heh... I bet we were being watched closely for the rest of the day. Hey, that's probably why the bald security guard smiled and waved at us when we left for lunch.

So despite the fact that our lives were in jeopardy*, we bravely soldiered on. Collecting page after page after page of data and words. As per usual, OCD Man left at around noon time. He seems to come in every morning without fail, wearing the same suit, with the same hat, arriving at the same time. Poor guy. I really feel for him. Just watching his routine before he departs is hard. Especially when he checks the area over a few times, pushes his chair in, takes a few steps away, and then has to go back and repeat the process. You can see it on his face, the complete turmoil when he tries his hardest not to go back. Yet concedes, much to his dismay.
I'm assuming that the machine he uses needs to have a 1 in it. Because seeing as we stole number 10 from him (It's a fast machine, and we wanted 2 side by side away from all the distractions), he seemed to gravitate to number 1 for the remaining days. I'm sure he's happy to have his original machine back now, though.

The library ladies didn't disappoint. They were still as bitchy as ever. It must be in the job description or something. There's no other plausible reason for it.

The train trip back wasn't particularly pleasant. Anyone who knows me is aware that I'm not especially fond of small children (Or other human life). But I guess Julien wasn't as aware, because as we were sitting at the train station, a rather large lady and her 2 small spawn came over and occupied the seats next to us. The girls had junk food (something they shouldn't be eating being such a large size for children of that age and height) and it was covering their faces. This was gross for me. Especially when the youngest dropped some food on the ground, complained to her sister that it went under the seat on the other side, and then happily ate it when her sibling went over to retrieve it a good minute or so later. I almost had heart failure watching this. I literally had to turn away.
Anyway, Julien, not minding talking to small humans, turns to the little girl and smiles saying, "Does that taste good?"
My mouth hit the floor. You don't encourage these things! Once you speak to them and they conclude you're friendly, you become their best friend and there's no shutting them up! No legal way of shutting them up anyway... But we won't go down that road.
Way too long later, the train comes and we go and sit down. Just my luck, the fat lady and her spawn choose the set of 4 seats in front of us. This kid recognises Julien and keeps turning around and yacking to us the entire train ride. Oh joy.

I've never met a fat female that I like yet. For some reason every single fat woman I've ever encountered has been extremely rude and angry. I guess it's understandable, if they hate being fat. By why is it my fault? And why don't fat males have this problem? They're all jolly and stuff. It just seems to be a female thing.
Anyway, this woman was an annoying mother. I wanted to bop her one on the nose. The way she was handling those kids was completely juvenile. Every time the most annoying child didn't hear what was said, she'd ask what. Seemed like a simple enough request.
"I didn't hear you, my vocabulary isn't all that up to scratch, but 'what' should suffice to bring my point home that I'd like you to repeat yourself."
Or so you'd think. The mother just gets mad and tells her to shut up, and stop being stupid. Then the scare tactics start. Ghosts and boogie men will get her if she doesn't behave. The woman was just being a total bleep.

What I found amusing was that the kids had what looked to be a little book wrapped in plastic. I guess they'd only just got them. One of the girls wanted to open hers, and she couldn't break the plastic with her hands. So she did what any child would do; tries to rip it open with her teeth.
The mother takes it off her and berates her for this, saying she'll hurt her teeth.
The irony you ask? She'd bought them both soft drink, which they were happily guzzling down. Idiot of a woman.

Friday - We decided to get an early train. This meant we arrived too early instead of slightly late. That's not so bad, it gave us time to bum around on the grass outside before we had to face the air con and angry librarians.

Julien was tired, so he decided to lie down and have a bit of a rest. I was sitting next to him, watching a magpie getting stalked by a noisy minor. I guess it thought if the magpie found a worm, it might have a chance stealing it. But after a few minutes it gave up, and flew away. Then the magpie seemed to take an interest in Julien. I was rather shocked that it was getting so close, considering I was right there sitting up. But that didn't seem to bother it. Focused solely on Julien, it kept inching its way closer, fixing him with an inquisitive stare. Finally, when it was about a meter or so away, I poked Julien and signaled for him to turn his head. Which he did, and came almost face to face with the magpie. I wonder what it wanted.

We got stared at by the OCD Man again. I guess we made him rather disgruntled. But I don't really blame him. We probably screwed over his routine, and caused him to lose sleep.

On the way out, we collected our bags. You have to hand them in at the desk because you can't take them upstairs. Unless they're smaller than an A4 sheet or something. While we were doing this, a young Asian girl wanted to take gum upstairs. The lady behind the desk said no. It's food, and they don't want gum everywhere. I get that. I don't quite know what was said, but I guess the girl asked if it was okay if she took a piece out and took that upstairs instead of the whole packet. This request was granted. Because hey, gum in a packet just sitting there does more damage than gum in the mouth being chewed and needing to be spat out at some stage. Don't you agree?

On the way home 2 new things happened. One happened to Julien, the other to me. First off, I had to get off the train to throw up in the public toilet. I've never done that before, so it was a total new experience. I can't say I particularly liked it, as losing all of your lunch and possibly your breakfast results in hunger.
After we boarded the next train, the driver made an announcement. And low and behold it was a female train driver.
"I've never had a female driver before." Julien stated, "At least if I have they have never talked on the speaker."
So I wrote it down. Blog worthy. 15:50 - Julien takes a train with a female driver. History has been made, my friends. And I'm not being sarcastic when I say that!

Jesse, Julien's little brother, always has a funny story to tell. Recently he sold his car. It had personalised plates, and he decided to give them to the guy with 6 months rego. However there is a lot of paper work that goes with this, and Jesse failed to sign a small section on the form. So the guy that bought the car rings him up and lets him know.
"Just forge my signature." Jesse tells him, "It doesn't have to be exact. Just make it look like mine."
Now Jesse's signature is his whole name, written in it's own special way. The guy could've easily pulled off something that resembled that. But what does the guy do? He writes Jesse's initials. Two little letters, that's it. Screw the fact that the rest of the form has his full signature on it.
It got rejected. Natch.

Saturday - Unfortunately the final day of our field trip. :o( We arrived early again. I was in an incredibly pissy mood. So it wasn't too fun for either of us. Because we had so little to do, we finished at noon instead of late in the afternoon. That morning I'd decided that I was going to see what it was OCD Man was doing. His computer was near a series of book shelves filled with microfilm. So when he'd settled down, I nonchalantly made way over to "look at the microfilms" and took a squizz at what he was doing. He was going through the old Hobart newspapers and writing down every single tragedy that occurred. I have a few assumptions as to what he's doing, but I'll keep those to myself. As this post is long enough already.

At 12pm or so we left, same time as OCD Man. Worried that he might want to do harm to us, we waited for the next elevator. The poor guy was still repeatively pressing the button as the doors closed. I found it really sad.

So being all moody and stuff, I didn't go to the museum. I figure I'll go back at some point this week or next week. It'll give me something to do, and maybe I can even take a camera and get pictures. So that'd be nice.

Anyway, Julien had some data to collect from a microfilm that was kept at the Uni library. So we went there. Now I can say I've been to uni... I'll just leave out the fact that I didn't study anything when I mention that to people.

On the way home I was pretty pissy still. We had to move 3 times on the train. Once because this creepy guy was sitting behind me. 2nd time because of a group of loud, annoying, fat, cigarette-reeking mung beans. The 3rd time we shifted because of the air con, and the fact that there was an incredibly annoying child near us. Some chick was stupid enough to tell the father that "he was cute". So of course the kid ran with it, and wouldn't shut up. Every 2 seconds the kid was coming out with mundane statements like -
"Do you see that train?"
"Do you see that light?"
"Do you see that line?"
"Do you see that man?"
Stupid kid. When I was that age I sat quietly and kept my mouth shut in public. No talking to strangers for me! If I didn't know you, I didn't talk to you. Come to think of it, I still do that.

So I guess that concludes the field trip. I'll have more delightful tales to tell when I go to the museum.
Toodles!

*May or may not be an exaggeration of circumstances.

Heh... Owned! (In a nut shell)

2007-04-15T12:52:00.000+10:00

You know those little clowns you get with the Styrofoam faces? They're creepy little things with ugly red noses, and a purely evil smile to boot.

Anyway, I kicked mine out of the house about 2 years ago, and it has since resided in one of the boxes on the far corner of our garage veranda. Today, mum was going through those boxes, and found my happy little clown. I'm pleased to say it's smile has been wiped right off it's face. It seems that some charming little creature actually decided that maybe it shared my view of the clown. Or maybe it thought the clown was having a laugh at it's expense and decided to put an end to it's ignorant smile. As a result, half it's face has been eaten. It's so cool. I'd take a picture, but I'm not bringing that thing in the house to do it.

In other news... Part 2 of the field trip will be up sometime within the next year.
Cheerio!

Just a bit of ranting. Why? Because I can!

2007-04-09T10:34:00.000+10:00

I'm about 6 months late on this post. So Mel, I apologise for my tardiness.

Last year when I was at Mel's place, she was a triffle miffed over a recent bill she received from Optus (see figure A below). It seems that when you're a customer of Optus, and decide to do the right thing by paying your bill on time, you get punished.
That's right. Optus totally owns you for this callous act!
Notice the fee? 50 cents you get charged for going out of your way to manually pay the bill over the counter. We're not talking the luxury of automatic bank withdrawals here. We're talking good old fashioned, non-lazy, get off your backside and physically pay that bill in person.
All I can do is take a page from Derryn Hinch's book... No, I'm not making Fiber my friend (Hehehe, I love those ads. And I can't believe they ditched Derryn! Heartless bastards.), but I am going to shake my head, frown and say, "Shame, shame, shame".

Figure A.

Next on the agenda is Blogger. It's seriously giving me the bum's rush*! Notice the option "remember me"? Well, you'd think seeing as someone went to all the trouble of adding that option to the page, that it'd, you know, work! I tick that box every time I log in, secretly hoping that it may be functioning correctly this time. But alas, no. It is not to be.
Call me lazy, but I hate having to sign in every damn time I want to post something, or moderate comments (Thank you Scabloby).

And last but not least, MSN. Anyone in Australia noticed that ad for a vaccination for cervical cancer? Part way through the ad, you see this woman's face:

I don't know about the rest of you, but her face really gets on my nerves. Don't get me wrong, it's not because of her looks or anything, but more so the fact that the photographer/editor has blacked out the gap between her lips. It looks like she has no teeth, and this seriously bugs the hell out of me.

GAH! Anger management much?
Anyway... Input!

*Ta, Ron. You gave input, and you didn't even know it. :o)

Stuff... Whatever. I don't care.

2007-04-03T16:00:00.001+10:00

I wish I'd added this link to this post, but alas I forgot I even had it. I was going through the links page on my website, and just re-visiting old sites that I found amusing. Because damn it, I needed a laugh! As the story of my life goes, I didn't really get one. All I was rewarded with were lols*.

I had a charming dentist appointment this afternoon. I hate waiting rooms. They give me the @#&%s. It wasn't very full today, which was nice. But still, on my departure I discovered that one of the rings on the bottom braces wasn't put on properly and had popped off. Like hell I was going back in, so I just left it as is. I have another appointment in a few weeks, so it's no real drama anyway. I just didn't want to have to go back. I did my time in public for the day.

Anyway, the purpose of this post was to disperse to you all some pictures I found on funnyjunk.com (and one was sent to me via Xem. It's the microsoft word one).

*Mel and I have a system, due to the fact that retards tend to over-use the acronym 'lol' . So what we do is classify each lol.
lolf - fake
lolr - real
lols - smirk
loli - laughing on the inside
And so on, and so forth.

Pig's bottoms unite!

2007-03-30T11:32:00.000+10:00

I have received a few, well, not complaints as such, but words of concern over my sister's insane comment spree. I'd like to apologise to everyone who has been subjected to the ramblings of her warped mind. She's quite messed up in the head, and while she says she's been doing well with her meds, it seems that is definitely not the case.

Ignore any comments you may read. She's always been a very vindictive, deceptive, manipulative person. So while this is totally in character for her, it's of a higher and more malicious extent. You have to agree, anyone who takes high dosages of anti-psychotic drugs and mixes them frequently with alcohol is bound to screw something up permanently in the brain department.

Yet again, I implore you all to ignore her illiterate, twisted ramblings. What she says is not a lie in her head, as she fully believes it. But it is far from the truth.

Apologies to all who have been, or may be on the receiving end in the future. Just know that I find her behaviour both embarrassing and shameful.

Thanks,
Chikory.

Part 1 - YAY! Field trip!

2007-03-29T20:04:00.000+10:00

I have the coolest boss in the world. Sure, he doesn't pay me per say, but he's still the best.

Since December last year I've been assisting a good friend with some data entry.
Recently, some microfilms he had ordered from the States came in, and he enlisted my help to scan each page of data needed (thus ensuring me more data entry in the near future). So for the past 3 days, I've been on a field trip! :oD

Going out in public isn't really my thing, but it's guaranteed that you'll find some interesting characters. Or at least see something that'll make you laugh. I now dispense to you our various exploits...

Tuesday - Our first day of data compiling, Julien (Ma posse member/uber cool boss), overhears a die hard John F. Kennedy fan in action. I guess he was looking through newspapers from that era, because he leaned over to the poor sod unlucky enough to be seated next to him and asked, "Do you remember the date JFK was shot?"
Totally unprepared for such a random question the other man shrugs, "Um... Not really. Wasn't it 1963?"
Not missing a beat, JFK-man responds in a stern tone, complete with fist smacking into hand action, "Everyone.should.remember.when.it.was!"

We've been told.
We've ALL been told.

By the way, it was the 22/11/1963. I totally heart Google. It's the best search engine on the interwebs!

Wednesday - I witnessed an amusing argument involving Julien's youngest brother, his cousin, and a pair of undies. It seemed no one wanted to claim them, so Jonathan and Jesse had been tossing them back and forth. Eventually Jesse emerges from his room, balls up the offensive item, and lobs it across the kitchen towards an unsuspecting Johnathan accompanied by the statement - "They're not my undies!"
Jonathan throws them back and the fight is on.
This is amusing to say the least. But it gets funnier when in a desperate bid to prove that they are not indeed Jesse's underwear, he puts them on over the top of his pants and begins to stretch them out as far as he can.
"LOOK! You can fit 3 of me in here!"

Okay... maybe you had to be there. I dunno who won, or if anyone eventually claimed the orphaned underwear. Maybe I should've suggested they put them on E-bay... People will buy anything there.

Thursday - How do people let themselves get so fat? I mean, isn't there a point when you just go, "Ohmog, I'm huge. Think I might stop stuffing my face with junk"? If there's not, maybe there should be!
Anyway, this huge woman gets on to the train and sits in front of us. She almost filled both seats. As soon as she sat down, Julien and I both looked at each other like, "Dude!"

A couple of stops later, an equally fat woman gets on board. She comes down the isle with great difficulty, and decides that she's going to squeeze in next to this huge lass. I don't know how they did it without having something flopping off the edge of the seat and out into the isle, but they did.
Yet again Julien and I share a look. Only this time he bravely mumbles, "Well done."
Indeed, it was. I think it should be put in the Guinness Book of Records. Because I tell ya, that was an amazing feat and a half! I'm so glad I witnessed it... sort of.

Now what is it with female librarians? Why are they always total bitches? You get a male staff member, and they're more than happy to assist you. If they can't, they'll apologise. But females. They rock up to work in a really bad mood, and then proceed to take it out on everyone and everything in sight!
So I grabbed a feed back card... and they can just bite me!

************
Over the 3 days I actually did quite a few things I don't usually do. This is a moment in history, people. You may not have been a part of it in real time, but you're a part of it as it's unleashed upon the world wide web. Here are just a few of them.

*I used public transport. This is big for me, as the public and I do not mix well.
*I slept in a bed, under the sheets, that someone else had slept in the night before. Like, dude! I didn't even cringe and demand they be changed/washed immediately.
*I used a microfilm machine. Never been done before, and damn it was fun.
*I accepted train tickets from Julien, without an argument over who pays for them... yet. (No, I won't attempt to pay. I was going to, but I'll spare you. Heh, he said today, "I've never had to work so hard to give someone something before." So true. I hate gifts.)
*I shared some drops that I have, usually if that little thing goes anywhere near someone's mouth I won't touch it. But it did, and I continued to use them! YAY ME!
*I washed dishes for the first time in about 3 years. I kid you not.
*I gave out a few hugs to people. Usually the thought of that makes me want to rip off a limb rather than have to go through that. Physical contact is not my thing.

There are a couple more, but I have a reputation to keep...

Anyway. Not next week, but the week after we're going back for another 3 days. Hopefully by then all 16 years of data will be compiled. Then we're going to a museum! :oD At least I am. That's not up for debate. I'm totally there.

Toodles!

OHMOG! SHE'S ALIVE!!!

2007-03-12T20:34:00.001+10:00

I'm still here. I will update as soon as I feel coherent. Right now I feel like throwing myself off a bridge (Don't worry, if I do I'll make sure someone takes pictures).

Anyway. Still alive...

My sister is a retard.

2007-01-22T20:32:00.001+10:00

Anyone who knows me knows I'm not especially fond of my sister. I don't care if she reads this, because as of about 10 minutes ago, I am officially so pissed off with her that if she were here I'd grab her bottom lip and pull it over her body... Or get another 2 family signatures and have her committed. After you read this you will agree with that act.

So. A bit of background for you.
At the very end of last year, I was going through a rather tough patch. I turned to my sister online, and I don't know why I thought she'd actually give a crap, because if it doesn't involve her she doesn't give a hoot. Anyway, she blew me off and started talking about herself, so I just humoured her with responses like, 'yeah', 'wow', and 'k'.
Being her usual self, she didn't realise this total lack of literacy, and she kept talking.
She goes offline, and I don't speak with her for another week.

As you can imagine, I'm pretty pissy with her, so I'm not very friendly. During her rant about winning a bird feeder, she picks up on the fact that I'm not all that excited and questions me on this. (If I'm mad at her it's an excuse to go into "pity me" mode and have a cry because her little sister is being a mean poo poo head.)
She asks me what my problem is, so I basically tell her that she has her head firmly shoved up her anus and would know what my issue is if she actually stopped talking about herself for 2 minutes and took note what the rest of the world was doing. Surprisingly I did it in a less angry fashion.
She says nothing for a while, I walk off, and she's offline by the time I return to the PC.

Then the next morning I get some offline messages from my insane sibling. I still have the chat log, so you can all read her "intelligent" spiel.

The Evil One sent 12/30/2006 10:12 PM:
guess what im doing with a bottle of hydrocloric acid??
The Evil One sent 12/30/2006 10:12 PM:
\if im a bitch who doesnt listen... when i thought you where my only freind
The Evil One sent 12/30/2006 10:13 PM:oh my goodness a hole through my leg thanks my sister for tralking to me when i needed someon

What the hell? I didn't realise winning a bird feeder was something that you needed someone to talk to about. Next time someone wins something, I'll think better of it, and offer them a hug and my condolences.

So now, not even a month later, I sit down to eat some dinner and I get a text message. "The Evil One" has sent you some pictures, go to vodafone and do this and this to collect them.
Okay, I think, I'm pretty bored. What rubbish has she sent me.
I'll be nice, unlike her, and give you links. Click them at your own risk, and if you've not got a weak stomach.

Image 1

Image 2

Image 3

I WAS EATING!!! She's so freakin' nutso it's not funny. I introduced her to my friend Mel online, and next thing you know she's talking to her about birth control. "My marina fell out, what birth control do you use, Mel?"
My Squad, is there any hope for the generations to follow? We're all doomed.

¿?¿ :or

2007-01-10T23:40:00.001+10:00

I signed in to post, but I have nothing to say. That is, other than saying that I have nothing to say, and then explaining that I had that to say, which really isn't nothing at all...

That is all.

In the great words of Nelson Muntz, "HA HA!"

2006-12-29T13:04:00.000+10:00

See that car? Do you? It went off the side of a mountain the other day. I drove past after it had happened, and almost ran over a motorcycle cop (he just pulled out without looking, luckily one of us was concentrating). The road is incredibly windy, recommended speed is 40kmph, but you can do 50 if you know the road. But when it's raining, you just don't fool with it, especially going downhill.

Anyway. When I drove past I couldn't see the car, as it was down the side of the mountain and all. Like, duh. But when it came on the news, I instantly recognised it and laughed. Sounds cruel, I know. But the woman totally got what she deserved. I just love it when stupid people get their comeuppance. It's so great!

See, I have a small car, and there's nothing worse than losers in 4WDs tailgating you when you're breaking the law and doing 10 over the limit as it is. That totally irks me! I almost always slow down, which I did on numerous occasions for this lady. I can't count the amount of times I encountered her on that stretch of road. Her and her huge car, and high up headlights blinding me while she impatiently sat 20cms from my bumper.

So yeah. She got owned. Ha ha to her.

Toodles,
Chikory.

♪♪♪♪

2006-12-15T21:26:00.000+10:00

Well gosh, I'm cheesed! And in an ultra nerdy way, I might add. Now I could just get straight to the point and tell you why I'm so gosh darn mighty cheesed off, but where's the fun in that? I'd rather bore you with a long drawn out story.

Once upon a time... Okay, seriously. The other day I made mention of an observation that I well, not quite observed, but heard... No, observed... No. Whatever. I'M FINE! Anyway. Nevermind... I can't be bothered telling this story.

Long story short. The cord for the keyboard (the musical kind, nothing to do with the computer!) died, and I was part way through learning a song that has been torturing me for days! WEEKS EVEN! And now I can't do anything about it. And.it's.slowly.driving.me.insane!

This song is going around and around and around in my head.
The instrumentals in the background are haunting me.
It's pure hell in my head right now.

Oh go away. Who asked you anyway!

Weekly update... Because I'm lazy and it has been an actual week since my last post. Could this title be any longer? Yes.

2006-12-13T17:34:00.000+10:00

So. What's happened in a week? I wrote a list. How organised is that!

First off. Thursday night I got bored, so I decided to go to Mel's house early. I got there around 11pm, and dude. She has cable! That was uber cool, because I stayed up till 4am watching a heap of old shows I hadn't seen in ages. Classic moments of my childhood came flooding back to me. Hours spent sitting in front of the tube, mesmerised by the little characters getting up to their antics on the screen. Those were the days. Now there's nothing on TV! You flick through channel after channel and all of it is complete and utter garbage!
Damn you channels 10, 9 and 7! I hate you!

Second. Mince meat is cheaper in Brisbo. So mum sends me, accompanied by a 20 dollar bill, to get 2 trays of this edible substance. I did, and also purchased a bottle of water for myself. I get back to the car, look at the docket and realise that the chick behind the register forgot to scan the water. Now I could've just driven off and been a whole $1.80 richer. But because I hadn't left I felt kind of bad, and went in to pay for the water. Had I been back at Mel's place I wouldn't have bothered, but the parking lot is a whole other story. Anyway. I go in and tell the chick, and she gets full on T.Oed with me. The old lady in the line at least commented that I didn't have to come back and how it was incredibly honest of me. But that chick had a huge bee in her fat bonnet!
"Are you sure it was me who served you?" She says
Duh! I thought to myself and simply replied, "I was here not even a minute ago, and you are the only register open."
Doofus.
So she allowed me to pay and I left. It wouldn't have happened if she weren't standing there talking to the other checkout chick (who was on her way out of the store). Usually I don't give a crap if they talk to other workers. After all, it stops them from talking to me. But in this case I'm ticked at her for being ticked at me for doing the right thing. So she can get stuffed.

Third. On the way home I encountered so many crazy drivers. I realise you have to be aggressive in that kind of traffic. But these idiots weren't letting anyone merge, and when I left a gap they got ticked and started with the hand gestures. We were putting along at about 20kmph. So I can see how allowing 1 or 2 cars in would make them lose precious time.
"I could've been 2 meters ahead by now if that person didn't let that car in! 2 METERS!"
Toss pots.

Fourth. Driving down the highway, almost home, and what do I see? A self-proclaimed "welcome to boganville" advertisement. It was more or less some idiot in a Santa suit walking along the highway waving at the traffic with a bucktooth bogan bag lady running along after him.
Santa is a moron. I hate him, too.

So that was Thursday and Friday. Now for today...

I had to get petrol. So I'm waiting in line. There are 2 pumps in use. I am parked behind waiting, and behind me is another car. I'm sitting there for a few minutes, when this old fruit cake gets out of the car behind. He walks up to each person pumping their petrol and just stands there, staring at them, then moving his focus to the fuel tank, and finally scrutinising the pump screen.
Thankfully he returned to his car before it was my turn, 'cause the mood I was in, I totally would've thumped him in the nose.
Weirdo.

Bad news. We have new neighbours, and they're total bogans. Equipped with the swearing and fighting in the street. Oh yay. How joyous this will be.

This has been a messy, incoherent post. Brought to you by the dysfunctional brain of Chikory O'riley.
Good day to you.

In the words of Big Kev, "I'm excited!"

2006-12-06T16:42:00.000+10:00

Ever had one of those strange moments when you do something only to go, "What the hell?" because it was just so darn stupid? I had one of those whilst talking to Mel on msn...

Chikory says:
OHMOG!
Chikory says:
I jsut got so excited!
Chikory says:
And then I was like, "TF?"
Chikory says:
Because it was a really LAME thing to get excited about.
Chikory says:
just*
Chikory says:
Ever had that happen?
- Melly - says:
the pic?
Chikory says:
No. I got something I didn't expect for another week...
Chikory says:
My washing.
- Melly - says:
oh lol
Chikory says:
lmaor
Chikory says:
Lame, huh?
Chikory says:
But I was seriously like, "OHMOG! COOL!"
- Melly - says:
yes
- Melly - says:
lameeeeeeee
Chikory says:
Thank you.
Chikory says:
Thank you so much for your support in my time fo need.
Chikory says:
of*
- Melly - says:
that's what friends are for

Now for a completely random quote by Earl's ex-mother-in-law from the TV series 'My Name is Earl': "Don't you judge me!"

♪"'Cause ya had a bad day..."♪

2006-12-04T17:50:00.001+10:00

I couldn't help but over hear (while tuning out on what my father was saying) that Kim Beazley has had one heck of a bad day. According to channel 10 news, he got booted out of whatever position he was currently holding (I really don’t’ make a habit of watching the news, or keeping up with anything non-my-own-private-bubble related), and his brother passed away.

Don't get me wrong, it's all sad I know. But the newsreader made one comment that actually forced me to turn my head and look at the TV screen.
“The Government provided Kim Beazley with a private jet so he could fly home.”*

Say what? The Government provided him with this jet? I realize the urgent need for this, seeing as flights around Australia are far and few, and you’d have to wait days just to be able to find a vacant seat. Not to mention how long your average Boeing 747 would take to fly from Canberra to Perth. So I’m totally not dissing the need for this expensive flight. But to say the Government supplied it is just outrageous! Everyone knows it’s our tax paying dollars that provide everything from bog roll to window panes!

Anywho, all this led me to think that maybe we should all send Mr. Beazley and nice letter asking that he thank us all for supplying him with this convenient jet.

Sounds fair to me.

*Statement is not a direct quote, as I can’t be sure what the exact wording was. So silence, minions!

Meet Zoe. Poor dog.

2006-12-01T11:48:00.000+10:00

You know. I totally get that sometimes a family pet might escape. Sometimes, they might just go for a wander and get lost. Sometimes, it's not the owner's fault, and it's completely unavoidable (that is, unless you have super powers and can see into the future). But this. This is beyond the joke!

My buddy Mel has a beef about people who let their dogs roam aimlessly around the neighbourhood. While I completely agree, no one seems to get more angry than her about it.
"It's irresponsible! They have no right to have an animal if they can't look after it!"
Yeah, too true!

Anyway, the point of this post is pictured below.

Meet Zoe. A Jack Russel x Foxy Terrier. When I arrived home last night, she was in the garage waiting to greet me. At first I thought it was my dog, and naturally I questioned what she was doing outside all on her own. But when I turned the light on, I realised the reason she was outside on her own, was because it wasn't Josephine at all.

So I walked inside with this animal, and my dog gave me the evils. I tell ya, if looks could kill, I would be well and truly dead by now.
Mother explained to me that the dog had been hanging around for the better part of 3 hours. Like many other dogs that seem to enjoy hanging out on our property from time to time, she assumed the dog would leave and return to its abode. But it wasn't going anywhere.

The dog had no tag with a name on it, and only donned the typical council registration number. Being too late to call them and find out where it came from, Zoe had to stay the night.

After a lot of whinging from mum and dad about how I should just boot the dog out and see if it was still there come morning, I chained the dog up in my room and let it sleep in Josie's bed. I mean, it's not like Josie uses it anyway. She likes to set up camp on the end of my bed... being a person and all (I roll my eyes).
I mean, if Josie were to escape, I'd want the person who found her to make sure that she were safely returned to me. Not just assume the dog can look after itself and find its own way home. Don't ya think?

Anyway. Back to the point. Come morning, a little after 9am, I rang the council and they told me the dogs name, then went through the whole process of ringing the owners and arranging things so the dog could be returned. This went down well. The owners rang, and being just down the road (I dunno what number, just the street), I said I'd be happy to walk her home.
"Oh no. I'm just heading out. I have to get some medication for my mother, but I'll send my husband around in about half an hour to pick her up, if that's okay?"
Not having anything better to do with my time, because I have no life, I said that would be fine and gave her my address and what not.
That was 2 and a half hours ago.

The lady had explained that she'd taken her kids to some party, and the dog must have got out some how. I bought that excuse, it happens. I get that! But I'm not a baby sitter! She said half an hour, and it's been well and truly over that. This poor dog is upset. She wants to go home. While she's friendly enough, I can tell she's not too comfortable. It's a good thing she doesn't understand, or she'd be well and truly insulted. I know I would be!

I know if Josie went missing, I would've been combing the streets till dawn looking for her. I would've been around in a jiffy to get my little doggie back home where she belongs. This lady wasn't even concerned. She sounded like she was 1 cookie short of a packet, and just not too comprehensive about the whole situation.

Damn I'm cheesed. Poor dog.

Today... sucked. <:o(

2006-11-29T21:58:00.000+10:00

...Sigh

I'm had a crap day. As usual, past experiences didn't disappoint, and as I've come to expect, my okay day yesterday was followed by an extremely awful Wednesday.

First off, I had to go down town and do the shopping. I don't have much patience for people, as you all too well know, but coming so close to Christmas people reach their peak when it comes to irking my nerves.
Shortly after I arrived home, I got some mail. Usually it's bills. But no, I was spared today. For about two seconds anyway. That is, until I opened the damn envelopes.
The first one was from Mission Employment. I hate them. They're harassing me to come in for an interview, which usually means I go in, they try and make me talk to that lady I hate, only for the boss to come over and go, "Oh, Chikory, you're not meant to be here. You're still on a medical certificate." I might ring them, but you usually always get the person who doesn't have a clue what they're doing.
The second letter was one of those encrypted pieces of garbage from Centrelink. I have no idea what they're trying to tell me. It's almost as if they have their own language. I guess I'll have to go in and question them. But I fear the same situation as Mission; a plastic flamingo behind a desk with a hollow head.

Secondly, a friend came around with her nephew. He's a cute kid. I've got nothing against him. But I don't like germs and all that jazz. At least only where people are concerned (as I've discovered, this is due to my strong dislike for people. Yeah, my psychologist is good for something). So in between drooling and covering his hands in spit, he throws up on my floor. I almost went into convulsions. I kid you not. I'm actually rather shocked at my reaction, I've never done that before. I mean, not to that extent. Anyway, my friend went to wipe the mess with a towel, and I had to stop her from making that grave mistake. So I whipped out my antiseptic wipes (doesn't everyone have a box of those in their room?), and she thankfully cleaned it for me. Dude, I don't even like recalling THAT event. It was totally gnarly.

Third, I found out that I, along with another poor unfortunate, have become yet again, the victim of gossip. It doesn't bother me, as I've had a lot worse thrown at me, but because it really upsets the other person involved, I'm going to have to stop speaking to them for a while. Just until things die down. It totally stinks. So tell me again, why should I like people??? They're so nice! *Not* I'd like to find the people starting these rumours and punch them in the face. But that's not the right thing to do, which in turn is not only hard, but sucks a heck of a lot!

Fourth, My Best Mate Wes (one of my mice) passed away due to the extreme heat. Poor little fella was fine when my friend left. Then an hour later I go to secure the cage for the night, and he's no longer among the living. Poor little fella only just went, too. Rigor mortis hadn't yet set in. He was so much like his Aunty Emo, too. Use to be first out for the food. He'd come running and sit on my hand happily. I'm sensing a pattern here. I mean, along with my immense dislike for Sundays. Seems whenever I get an animal that enjoys my company just as much as I enjoy its, it up and dies. At least I've still got Clive the rat... I hope. :oS

Fifth and final, for now. I have crossed over to adult hood. Yes, I am officially no longer "cool". I'm old. I never saw that coming. See, my msn picture is the group shot of the Ninja Turtles, visible in my previous rant. Mel's daughter (she's like, 11) came online, and informs me that my picture is "weird". So I filled her in on the background of the turtles, and how I use to watch that show when I were a wee lass. Well. Turns out I'm now old. I got dissed by a freakin' 11 year-old! What The...?

I think the days of angry ranting Chikory are coming to an end. I'm getting boring, and old, and miserable. Well, I was always miserable. But now I just mope. *Sigh* I'm going to go and sulk now...

Reason #202 why I'm a nut case.

2006-11-28T22:30:00.000+10:00

So. So so so. Hmm...

I had my first psychologist appointment today. Yeah, I'm nuts. Like you didn't know that already. Anyway, I'm mentioning this because something amusing happened. See, she'd gone down the usual path and asked me about my "dreams". Now, I can never remember my dreams, I mean. Sometimes I do, sometimes they just come to me in an instant and I'll go, 'Oh yeah, that's what that dream was about.' But very rarely do I get that far. So. So so so. She's all disappointed that I couldn't seem to remember them, I guess it would've been fun for her or something. I dunno. But yeah. Okay, this isn't very coherent, is it? Shut up. Continuing.

So, it's like, moments before I get ready to leave, and then, it hits me! So I'm all excited that I remembered, right? And I go, "OH! I remember what I dreamt about now!"
So she grabs her little pen and paper and gets real excited and is ready and raring to go, and she says, "Okay. Tell me about it."
So I said, "Well. I spent all yesterday watching that old 80's cartoon, The Ninja Turtles. And I actually had a dream about them."
"About what?" She asks
So I respond, "About the Ninja Turtles."
So she's looking a little disappointed at this stage, but I think she thinks this still might get somewhere so she says, "Okay, what happened?"
And I shrugged and went, "It was just your average episode. Krang and Shredder want to beat up the turtles and take over the world. But to do that they have to get the Technodrome up on the surface of the earth, but it has no power, so they're after that. But of course the Ninja Turtles kick their butts. Yeah. Just basically your average episode."
She just plopped her pen down and looked rather peeved. I think she thought I was pulling her leg. But yeah. I wasn't. I heart youtube and dailymotion. They give me something more to do than googling random topics... YAY!
It was such an uber cool moment, in fact I'd go as far as to say that it was worthy of the "Elliot Reid: Moment killer!" label. Heh... Scrubs is a funny show.

But back to the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, that's my new flavour of the moment. The old cartoons were so good. The turtles looked cute, yet totally cool, and they had personalities. These new ones, look evil and scary. And their personalities are next to none. I mean, they don't even have pupils! Look at those eyes! (You have to scroll down to do that.) They're the kind of eyes you'd see in the corner of a haunted house, just glaring at you from the shadows, leaving you with the impression that what ever belongs to those eyes is just waiting to jump out of its hiding place and eat your face or something.
Too deep? Oh well.

If you were a 6 year-old, which would you rather look at?
Cool looking characters that won't make you go poopy-in-your-pants, and have the potential to make for very interesting viewing, due to their well-explored personalities?

Or evil things that look like they just jumped out of Dimension X?

Personally, I'd rather hug Krang...

Anywhozel... In the great words of Michaelangelo: "Like, cowabunga, dudes!"

This has been another Chikory O'riley rant™.

The post with no title. Oh wait, this is a title. Damn it!

2006-11-25T13:06:00.000+10:00

My pickle tastes funny. Hmm... Maybe someone did something to it while I wasn't watching. How suss.

Went to a memorial service today. In fact I only arrived home about half an hour ago. It was sad, I didn't really know the lady all that well, but my mum had known her for 30 odd years and I wasn't going to let dad drive my car, so I opted to take them.
I sat there trying to be a hard-ass, you know, all cold and what not. "Don't cry, it's for pussies" that sort of thing. But when we all got up to sing the song, my mum started to bawl and that set me off.

Ohmog! It's not the pickle that tastes funny at all. It's the rice noodles. I just happened to eat the pickle after the noodle and together it created some totally disgusting taste that I don't recommend you try at home.
Ew.

Anyway, the reason I'm camped out in front of my computer today is because I'm compiling a heap of those "are you insane" quizzes. I was just going to write them down and give them to a friend, but then I took one look at the uber long url and decided that it's easier to click than write all of that out. So if you've been following my boring existence this far, then you'll probably find that I'm repeating myself. If that annoys you, I don't care.

Damn it, why didn't I add oil to my noodles after I cooked them? They're sticking together now. Grrr... It's not my day for food, clearly. Maybe I shouldn't eat anything for the rest of the day.

Okay okay, keep on track, quiz time.

What mental disorder do you have?

Which mental disorder do you have? See, that one was different. I used which instead of what. Yeah, I know. I'm pure genius.

Personality disorder test

I feel sick. What? I just thought it was time for an intermission, that's all.

Hahahaha. The dog doesn't even want to eat the noodles. Heh... easily amused. Okay okay, back to it.

A few personality tests.

What herb are you?
Apparently I am "moly". What the hell kind of name is that for a herb? Dude. Stranger things have happened. Yup.

Numerous psychological tests Dude! Jack pot! Now I've got something to do. Hooray! Okay, maybe I'm a little too excited. But who asked you anyway! Sheesh. Opinionative son of a diddley!*

*I am not affiliated with Ned Flanders, or Matt Groening in any way, shape, or form.

Statler & Waldorf... Because I got bored. OKAY? Now get off my back!

2006-11-20T19:52:00.001+10:00

"That was wonderful!"
"Bravo!"
"I loved that!"
"Oh, it was great."
"Well it was pretty good."
"Well it wasn't bad."
"Well there were parts of it that weren't very good, though."
"It could've been better."
"I didn't really like it."
"It was pretty terrible!"
"It was bad!"
"It was awful!"
"Aw it was terrible."
"Take 'em away!"
"Yeah! Boo!"
"BOO!"

A spot of late night ranting...

2006-11-20T00:00:00.001+10:00

I love youtube. Not only do people post whole episodes there, but they also posts links to whole episodes on other sites. So when those nancy-pants bums decide that it's a liable offense to host these videos, the 1337 n3rd5 have other places to go to fill their uber geeky obsessions.

Cool introduction aside*, I managed to fit in some serious House watching. No, I don't mean the actual stationary buildings, but the grumpy doctor played by the hilarious Hugh Laurie. Damn it, he owns.

Anywhozel, I watched the 3 latest episodes from season 3, all involving this total pain in the bottom detective who is just being a total "bleep bleepedy bleep" to House. I literally want to reach through my monitor and give this guy a good beating. He's such a moron. Acting all high and mighty, like it's his job to teach House to play nice with his toys, when in actual fact he's behaving in the exact same way. Hypocritical toss pot!

Not only does this guy annoy me because he's picking on one of my favourite grumpy doctors (Remember Becker? Yeah, I know he's got nothing on House, but still... I remember that guy), but he can't seem to conjugate a sentence without pausing every few words. Oh! And his gum chewing habit just irks me no end. There's nothing worse than someone standing there just chewing like a cow. There is absolutely nothing about gum that's good. Not one thing! It's unhygienic, it's annoying, it tastes gross, and dirty little snots stick it under every surface they can get their grubby little bogan mits on!

BAH! Anyway. Long story short, Tritter makes me mad as H-E double toothpicks!

Mega cheesed off,
Chikory

*If I say it's cool then it's cool. So kiss my rectal recreational area.

♪"Lazy Sunday afternoon. I've got no mind to worry. I close my eyes and drift away..."♪

2006-11-19T20:30:00.001+10:00

I noticed something today, a pattern emerging if you will. It seems that every Sunday without fail, I get really "emo". I think I hate Sundays. Now all I have to do is find out why. Eliminating Sundays from the week is out of the question, as I don't think it would be possible for one lone nobody to do.

Maybe I'll just find a way to fool myself into thinking Sundays just don't exist. I guess it could work.

My name is Earl is on. My dad stamens me off ~~sometimes~~ all of the time. Why the hell does he have to put these damn shows on when other people are busy? It's not like he likes the bloody series. All he does is whinge about it. Honestly, he's so inconvenient sometimes.

Uber angry and miserable,
Chikory O'riley

A Good Year

2006-11-18T11:50:00.000+10:00

Ohmog! I just got the point of the film title. The movie was basically about a wine vineyard, and good wine is all about the year it was bottled and how long it has been sat there sitting... Heh, I'm so damn slow.

Anywhozel. I went to the movies last night with extremely low expectations (as per usual), but I was pleasantly surprised. I expected to see some awful acting, phone throwing (yeah, I couldn't resist adding that in), and a film with no real point. But instead I was blessed with good humour, and one hilarious reference to hurting small animals and punting a poodle off of a balcony. Hehehe, I love animals but you've got to see the funny side of that.
Unfortunately the entire movie did not make it out unscathed. For Chikory's extremely high standards simply could not tolerate one of the most ghastly attempts at an English accent. Thank-you-very-much, Russel Crowe. I happen to like the British, and quite frankly I think someone was secretly taking the piss at them. Bastards.

The fact that it was produced by Ridley Scott played an incredibly large roll in my actually forking out 11 bucks from my moth-infested wallet to see this picture. I enjoy a lot of his work, the kick ass TV series, Numb3rs being one worth a mention. So I can safely say that yet again, Ridley didn't disappoint.

All in all I found it an amusing film, having 3 things I enjoy in any movie/TV show: Total bastards, humour, and grog.

I give it 6½ out of 10 on the suck-o-meter. Which is actually a good score for those out there that are just as confused as me when it comes to my warped rating system.

Recommending you see this film if you want a laugh,
Chikory

Sigh

2006-11-12T20:12:00.000+10:00

It's 7:52pm... The minutes of my life are slowly and painfully ticking by. That'd be right. Pigs don't come with instruction manuals. But you know something? They damn well should! And there should be laws against that kind of thing! Strict, Governmental laws. No farmer should own a pig without the proper papers/license. There should be a crack down on this! A probing, if you will! Screw the water shortages. That's small potatoes. Pigs are out there! On people's properties. Farmers have these lethal weapons in their possession and no one is doing a thing to stop it! When will the world learn? WHEN?

And don't even get me started on monkeys. Disgusting creatures. I can't stand them.

Ever noticed that the singer in the band 'Southern Sons', sounds exactly like John Farnham? No? Well he does! And John Farnham reckons that's it ludicrous! Pffft! He must be tone deaf or something. They're like twins! YES! Twin voices! I knew it. There's always a sinister plot if you look hard enough.

Don't look now! There's a fly heading towards you! QUICK! Get out the Pea-Beau! Save yourselves!
"Hit 'em high! Hit 'em low! Hit 'em with the ol' Pea-Beau!"

Damn it. I hate channel 10. Evil bums need to learn how to follow the TV guide schedule. I mean, after all, they're only the people who print and distribute the thing. Morons. Monk will be on at 7:30pm on Saturday... What's that I see? Billy Madison? Gee, never seen THAT show before. Losers.
NYPD Blue is on at 2am? TF? How do you people do this? And yet we tape it and surprise, surprise! IT'S NOT THERE! Why? Because you supposedly changed the time slot to the early hours of the morning, but in actual fact it's not changed at all! Station flipping we discover that we've missed 20 minutes of it, and Dt. Medavoy has big shiner! How'd that happen? Gee, we'll never find out because channel 10 screwed us over!
And while I'm at it channel 7 can rot in hell, too.

In other news: There is a bug on my monitor. I like light, too. I often stare at lights. They're pretty. Maybe I'm really a bug. Oh well.

There's a common thread running through this post. But I didn't notice. I was in the bathroom.

Frost is on tonight. WOOT! Frost owns! And if you say otherwise, I'll poke you in the belly until you make a noise similar to that of the Pillsbury Doughboy. I have one of them. Hehehe. Oh wait, I mean, "Hoo hoo hoooo." He's a little discoloured now days. But that's 'cause he's old. My grandma gave him to me when I went to the states in 1995. She's dead now. She can stay that way, too. I won't object. Never really liked her anyway. She called me fat once, which I wasn't at the time, and then got offended when I refused to eat this big piece of cake filled with cream. This all took place within one conversation, mind you. Weird woman.

Blah blah blah blah blah. You talk too much. Shut up already!

May the force be with you,
Chikory

It's mine! ALL MINE!!!

2006-11-10T16:28:00.000+10:00

See this? Do you see it? Do you? Do you? Huh? That's mine. Not that exact DVD box set of course, but I have a copy just like it. My M*A*S*H collection is now complete. Yay for me! YAY!

Now I guess all I have to do is start collecting some of the other shows I enjoy.

www.zombo.com

2006-11-09T14:00:00.000+10:00

There was a big ass storm yesterday afternoon. The sky went black, the wind picked up, and then it bucketed down rain. Our yard ending up looking like a cyclone had hit it. Trees and branches were everywhere, and a freakin' tree fell on my pigeon coop roof! Yeah. I'm real mad. The pigeons are okay, and they can't get out. But there's a hole now, and my once snake-proof pigeon coop is now rather inviting to hungry reptiles.
Not.Happy.Jan!

The storm was cool to watch though. But to add to my frustration, I'd spent all afternoon in the kitchen cooking and getting a heap of baking ready. Then the power went out, and I was stuck eating a really puny salad instead of my nice smelling, yummy looking quiche.

So I had 2 cakes, 4 trays of biscuits, an apple crumble, and a quiche sitting on the table all night long because I couldn't cook them. Grrrr.

So the power had gone out at about 3:45pm, and didn't come back on until 11:30pm. It wouldn't be so bad if the whole bogan town had no power, but that's never the case. It's always just my street. In the entire town, my street is the only one hooked up to the power supply for the next town over. How ridiculous! I mean it's not like we're on the edge of town. You drive down the street, hang a right, and they've all got power. But do we? NO!

So yeah. In a nut shell that was yesterday's excitement. And I now hear more thunder. Go away, I want to eat my quiche tonight. It's cooked, but the vegies for the side aren't done yet!

In other news, I'm currently awaiting a phone call. Some dude from an employment agency called me about a position going in admin. It's only 4-5 hours a day, 5 days a week for 3 weeks. So I said what the hell, put me down for it. He did, and called me back about an hour ago. The guy sounds like a real moron, he kept asking me questions that were already on my file, which no doubt was on the computer screen right in front of him as he spoke. He wanted me to confirm that I got my admin experience at uni. I was like, "TF? No. I've never been to uni. Let alone worked at one." Okay, not in those words, I was more professional than that. But that statement conveys quite well what my brain was thinking.
Anyway, then he asks my age, which is also on file. I told him and he went silent, then he 'hmmed', 'ummed' and 'ahhhed', and told me he'd call the employer and see what he could work out and give me a ring back.
So I think it's safe to say my age will not get me this job. Despite the fact he had called me to find out if I were available to start on Monday because apparently I did already have the job.

If you're confused by all that, don't worry, so am I.

As previously stated, very confused and irritated,
Chikory

RANDOM RANDOMNESS FROM A RANDOM PLANET!

2006-11-06T17:28:00.000+10:00

There have been so many occasions in my life where I've wished I possessed one of those wonderful rectangle-shaped mechanisms that enables the user to capture an image, and keep it for a life time. I think the term I'm looking for is "Kodak moment", but yeah...

Like take Sunday for instance. My posse of cunningly disguised rebels were meeting at a park for lunch. Too lazy to make myself some healthy snack to munch on, I decided to go to the local take away shop for some fush 'n chups. I rock up, and the so wrongly named "convenience store" was inconveniently closed at 1pm.

Then there's today. I'm going down the street, and the poster model for THE Australian bogan steps out of his house. This guy was so dirty. Seriously, he puts the D in dirt! He was unshaven, he stunk, and his clothes were ripped to shreds. I have no idea how they were still clinging to his body. It's a miracle, I swear!

And let's not forget all those moments that leave you standing there going, "WTF?" I can't count how many of those I've had in the past week alone.

So yeah, I really need to buy myself a digital camera. Think of the terror I could unleash on society! Oh that would so own. Screw stalking Anabell, I'd totally go super sleuth and do private eye work for free! WOOT!

In other totally unrelated news, I've had some quiz results on my pooter for about a month. So I will now reveal them to you all, so that when the boredom strikes, you might have something ~~constructive~~ pointless to do with your time, too.

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: Paranoia You are constantly thinking about what others may be saying about you behind your back. You may also feel people have conspiracies against you, or they are out to get you. In crowds you may feel like everybody is watching to closely.
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Manic Depressive
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

Dr. Gregory House
75% Eccentricity, 50% Confidence, 20% Kindness

Congratulations, you're the man himself, Dr. Gregory House! You're quite strange, and usually do your own thing regardless of what anyone else thinks. This is partially because a person with an ego as large as yours could not care less what anyone else thinks or feels about anything. Unless, of course, they're your patient and they're dying--but only if they're dying of something interesting! You're a definite asshole to most other people, but at least you know how to be one in style, with an awesome wit, comfortable sneakers, and a never ending variety of facial expressions.

You scored as Unipolar Depression. Congratulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets.

Unipolar Depression

75%

Borderline Personality Disorder

67%

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

58%

Schizophrenia

42%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

17%

Eating Disorders

17%

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	Low
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	Low
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

I'm bored. I want some pie.

Don't know why I keep signing my posts like this,
Agent Chikory O'riley

Dot dot dash... WTF does that mean anyway?

2006-10-24T18:02:00.000+10:00

Saw a kid today. Not just any kid. A bogan kid. Like, dressed full on boganified. Complete with shirt unbuttoned and skin showing.

*I shudder at the memory*

In other news:
Life sucks.

That is all.

Good day,
Chikory O'riley

What the hell...?

2006-10-22T15:54:00.000+10:00

Get this shocking piece of information.

3 people I know went to the Delta Goodrem concert last year.
They're nice people, and there aren't many that I will admit that I "respect", but these 3 are a part of that extremely short list.

But get this... They were so close to the stage, like so SO close, and they didn't throw anything at her!?!?! WTF?

Shocked and dismayed,
Chikory

RAH! RAH! RAH!

2006-10-02T10:20:00.000+10:00

I had a pretty good weekend, a few glitches aside, which leaves me to wonder what Squad-awful fate awaits me this coming week. That's the way it usually works, you see. My entire life whenever I am left feeling mildly happy, or after I've had a good time, something terrible happens sending me back to that dark place.

It's strange how the good memories and emotions never linger for long, yet the bad ones will strike you like the plague and refuse to leave for what usually turns out to be weeks on end.

Anyway, my fun weekend! It started on Friday night, I had a dinner to go to at a restaurant. I was nervous, I don't usually like mingling with society, but my arm was twisted so I bummed a lift with 2 friends. The dinner turned out good, and I was happy with my liter of red wine. Mmm... Wine. So there's a fun night right there.

Saturday was boring during the day, but that night I went to the movies. It was sort of fun, but there was this girl there who dislikes me immensely, for reasons totally unknown to me, and acts as if I don't exist. There's nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone, or greeting them, only to have them ignore you and never once look your direction. I once sat there and talked to this girl for about 10 minutes, she didn't once turn her head my direction, and all she did was grunt in reply. What a cow. But I'm trying to be the "bigger" person, so I'll continue to be civil. If she wants to be a total ass that's her problem, not mine.
By the way, in regards to the movie - The Devil Wears Prada, it sucked. In fact, it sucked so bad that it's not even worth a detailed review. No plot=Disgruntled Chikory.

On Sunday, now this was good, there was food at the park, which was fun, followed by soccer in the afternoon. I actually shocked myself, because I don't usually get into sport. Years of primary school wankers making fun of my height and inability to run very fast have left me extremely self conscious about contributing to the team. However, I scored a goal and tripped a kid over. He landed on his face, and had I not been laughing so hard I would've asked how he was. It was the funniest scene though.
Actually, the whole game was the funniest scene ever. No one seemed to know exactly who was on what team, and people were constantly passing the ball to the wrong person. Then there was Charlotte, who just lay in the middle of the field, and this guy named Zac who just wandered around chatting up 3 of the girls there. One was me, but he soon gave up when every time he came near me I insulted him. He saw the funny side, because hey, I'm that damn funny, but he wasn't getting anywhere so he went elsewhere. Thank goodness!

All in all, a good day.
RAH! RAH! RAH!

Spider Solitaire...

2006-09-25T18:42:00.000+10:00

Am I the only one who does this? When arranging the cards in order, I always do it so that the finished result is exactly symmetrical...

I always have the time of my post set to an even number, too.

Hmm...

It's a conspiracy!

2006-09-23T00:34:00.000+10:00

If you think that Cyclone Larry is the cause of the astronomical price of bananas, then you're grossly misinformed!

With prices set to rise even further in the upcoming weeks, the UAMOBL (Unruly angry mob of banana lovers) are calling on people to join us in our fight against this abomination.
"Drastic times call for drastic measures,” says the leader of the organisation, Kenny, "But we can't do it alone. If we get more people onboard we know this is a fight we can win. So long as you're passionate about the cause, and not wasting time worrying about petty issues like the price of petrol, then we'll welcome you onboard with open arms and a banana smoothie."

Recent inquiries into the situation by anonymous members of the UAMOBL have uncovered evidence that suggests the manager of the produce department in a well-known chain of supermarkets is to blame.
"Our sources are very reliable." Kenny explains, "We have evidence that suggests Napoleon is to blame. He’s the man we need to speak to.”

When asked about the evidence in question, Kenny simply remarked that it would not be wise to release it to the public at this time.
“I will say one thing, though. Several upstanding citizens have sighted this man placing prices above the bananas.”

I got bored.

2006-09-17T20:04:00.000+10:00

House and Chase are being held captive by some idiotic "Patton" like gunman. The plan is that when House purposefully falls down, Chase is to piss bolt.

"He raised his head with a groan and squinted into the distance; he'd cracked his skull on the steps, another unintended consequence, and things were starting to look a little fuzzy. He did see a vaguely Chase-shaped object, with a vaguely Chase-like shock of blond hair on top, standing and gaping at him like a deer in the headlights. But it couldn't be Chase, because Chase wasn't retarded. "

The last line cracked me up. Or maybe it was just the booze. Oh well.

Anywho. I'm bored. REALLY bored. I should've been at that concert, but I'm not. For that I hate everyone and everything. I was invited to play soccer at 3pm this arvo, too. I would've gone, but I was too full of hate and rage. I didn't want to see a bunch of assholes who can't be bothered giving me the time of day because I'm not a freakin' prissy girl. Also, I don't play sports. Not only do I have chronic unexplainable leg pains, but the bitches at school picked on me during sports day. So psychologically I hate sport.

Yeah, I know. Boo freakin' hoo. SHUT UP!

So being bored I started doing random Google searches and reading fan fiction. Shut up, I WAS BORED!

Results of my boredom are as follows...

What Kind of Mental Disorder Do You Have?

Depressed

You are depressed. You sad, pathetic little creature. Here, have some zoloft.

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How evil are you?

Prevent (or Cause) Do You Know the Hip-Hop Lingo at LiquidGeneration!

What type of emoticon are you?

Angry

Hothead needs to calm it down! Relax and enjoy life...or else!

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Foreman's black!

2006-09-16T12:32:00.000+10:00

Dr. Allison Cameron: "Foreman's black."
Dr. Gregory House: "What? How long have you been sitting on this information?"

Things suck right about now.

For starters, I no longer have a job at the pet shop. I loved that job, too. But they can't afford to keep me on as a new pet shop opened up and the competition is effecting them right where it hurts. I'm still employed by them, but I'm only on call. It's better than nothing but I'm upset about it none the less.

Jason, the boss, was very apologetic and he's going to be a phone reference should I need it.
It just sucks though, because I never thought I'd find work that didn't leave me disgruntled and feeling like killing someone. I enjoyed this, and it was something I knew a lot about, too.

I did give another pet shop a call a couple of days ago. See, they'd asked me if I wanted to work for them, but at the time I couldn't because I had the other job. The position is still there though, so I went in to speak to them yesterday.
I won't be accepting that job, though.
Get this. There are 2 people on for each shift, if the till is short you both go halves on the amount missing. So person A could flog 50 bucks out of the till and only have to put 25 back in. That seems fare I'm sure!
She also wanted me to do 2 weeks worth of FREE work to see if she liked me and I liked her. WTF?
I got the vibe off the lady that she'd be the sort that wasn't happy with anything you do, and was totally incapable of compromise. I don't want another Brumby's.

In other news, I can no longer go to the Rogue Traders' concert with Mel. :o( Granted there were only 3 songs or so that I actually like of theirs, but I'm still bummed out about it, and so is Mel. With good reason, too!

I got into a fight with a lady at Mission on Thursday. She's the real bitchy lady. She has the worst body language, facial expression, and tone of voice. She's one of those, "I'm employed and you're not. You have nothing better to do with your time so I'll just suck it all up." kind of people. She royally pissed me off the day before, so I thought I'd go in and avoid her all together. She didn't like this, so she started to lecture me on my attitude. That's rich! So I told her straight, "You're no ray of sunshine either lady!" She started to lecture me some more, so I cut her off and told her that I didn't want to deal with her anymore and I'd like to go through someone else.
Like the good retail person she is, she doesn't apologise for this and just calls the manager over. However the manager was with a client and would be another 2 minutes, so she rudely sends me away to wait.
I don't mind waiting a few minutes, I'd told this total cow that I had somewhere to be a lot of stuff to do before hand. Yet despite this, when the manager was done with the client, she cut in line and went in to put her side first and cover her ass.
I didn't expect her not to, but I wasn't going to wait a further 10 minutes for her to be done. So I told the reception dude that I had another appointment and I'd see the manager on Monday.
Stupid cow.

I'm totally pissed at Woolworth's, too! Petrol came down to 110.9. I planned to get some the next day, but mum said the news stated it would go up by then, so I made the special trip to fill up my tank. I get there and the Woolies station is 117, with the discount. I'm pretty pissed at this but I fill up anyway. I'm at the end of my tank now, and I look around and think "Hmm, this place is pretty quiet considering". It's then that I look across the road and notice BP is 110. BASTARDS! Not only that, but the next day Woolies brought their petrol down to 106. Typical. Just plain typical.

Anywho, I'm hungry, I don't feel well, and I'm pissy.
Chow.

Who will be next?

2006-09-08T17:08:00.000+10:00

It's like a cheap free-to-air reality series. This week starts out with Steve Irwin, AKA The Crocodile Hunter, leaving the land of the living without even so much as a "Crikey!", and finishes with Peter Brock ending it all.

If you want more information on Peter Brock's death, google it, ya lazy tossers!

But before I click "Publish Post", I'll leave you all with a paranoid thought from the mind of Chikory O'riley.™
Maybe things aren't as they seem. Maybe, just maybe, someone is killing off celebrities in a cunningly devious way.
Hmm...

Life's a pile of doo doo. But I'm not Derryn Hinch.

2006-09-05T23:36:00.000+10:00

Life is hard. Too hard. I'm not keen on it myself, but what are ya gonna do? Jump off a cliff? While most of you are probably chanting "Do it!" prepare to be disappointed, because I'm not going to.
I don't want to die. I just want to quietly fade out of existence. Wouldn't that be nice? Just go to sleep and never wake up. Like a bear in an extended hibernation.

But alas that is not going to happen. Isn't life cruel? Maybe you don't find that cruel but I sure as hell do. I swear someone's trying to stick it to me.
*Sigh*

I'm bored and pissy. Not a good combination. Oh well.

Arnott's Pizza shapes; a soft drink, it ain't.

2006-09-04T13:58:00.000+10:00

I have a pet rat. YAY! He's not just any rat though, he's a killer rat! Poor little Clive, as I have named him, was purchased from the pet shop I work at for snake food. The owners didn't realise it, for if they do they just flat out refuse the sale. So poor Clive went out under the radar. However, a few weeks later a man came in and dumped him down on the counter saying, "You can have this abomination back!" Naturally the owner was like, "WTF?" So the guy explained that his daughter had bought the rat for snake food, only the rat didn't like that too much and killed the snake. Poor Clive.

So Clive has been living in the pet shop since, they can't sell him because usually when they've been through an ordeal like that they get unpredictable and sometimes nasty. Clive is a great rat though, and he's got one of the best temperaments I have ever seen in a rodent. His fur is still standing on end, and it won't go down until he's fully over it. It's already been a couple of months from what I can gather, so just when that'll happen I don't know.

Anywho, there was a mass amount of rats brought in the other day, so Clive had to go. The owner wanted him but his wife said no because he rarely cleans up after the animals he brings home. So he thought of me, and said I could have him if I wanted. He wanted to make sure that Clive went to a loving home. After what he's been through, it was the least he deserved. So I took him.

I had a place to go after work though, so I ended up having to take him with me. It was kind of weird rocking up to a picnic on the beach with a rat on my shoulder, and a lot of the kids there got a kick out of it.

Clive is doing well now, and he's quite happy. I let him roam around my room and he comes up and wants a hug and a pat every now and then. He's so cute.

So now in total I have 2 ring neck doves, 1 dog, 10 mice (and more on the way), 1 rat, and 24 pigeons.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In other news, I just got back from stupid Mission Employment. I'd like to kick one of the ladies that works there in the head, but unfortunately the law prohibits me from doing that. She's so annoying. She's rude, arrogant, and a total time waster! Constantly calling you over to her desk to have a "chat" only to go through the jobs in front of you and then send you away to apply for the ones you said you'd do. Like, what the stamen*? I was doing that before, jack ass!

She tried to do it to me again today. I just gave her my stamened off look and requested that I finish what I'm doing first. So she says, get this, she says, "What are you doing?"
LIKE WHAT THE STAMEN? I'm looking for jobs you dumb stamen! I wouldn't mind but it's not like it wasn't half obvious. Stamen!
So I took my sweet ass time and she soon got fed up of waiting and decided to harass some other poor bugger. In that time I finished and made a run for it.

I was so Jack Bauer. Sneaking around and making a dash for the elevator. GO ME!

Anyway, that's it for now.
Peace out, yo.

*Stamen is a word I use instead of swearing. If you're stupid and you don't know the definition of Stamen, look it up in the dictionary.

Crazy Warehouse Guy!

2006-09-01T18:28:00.000+10:00

After a nice long afternoon of watching video after video of Chaser's War on Everything clips, I decided to call it quits after viewing my 30th video or so. Not only was my ass going numb, but my leg was hurting and I needed to take a dump.

Okay, joking. I didn't sit there THAT long. I did get up and have a break every now and then. After all, that's what the pause feature is for.

So feeling kind of pissy that Hambo didn't get back to me on the status of his last minute mission*, I decided to do some random Google searches. But not the image kind.

Still on a high from all of the Chaser crew's randomness, I found my very first search of the day extremely hilarious. Probably more so than it actually was, in fact. But what the hell, laughter is the best medicine, right?

I typed the words "I think you're gay" into the search engine, because that's always funny, don't you know? Gay is like the new black of the insulting world. Not that I'm being racist there, I'm referring to clothes. Ok, shutting up before I get some posse of angry people on my hide.

I got the following links among the top 10 Google so generously supplied in a timely fashion of 0.43 seconds. Oooh, wow. Someone call the Guinness Book of Records!

Heh, I'm a riot today. A total riot.

First up - Teenage Concerns: Think You're Gay? DUDE! GOLD!
Secondly - Debate - D Thompson - So, You Think You're GAY! WTF?
Third - How to Hang out With Girls and Not Have People Think You're Gay ... Because everyone really NEEDS to know that. I'm surprised it's not under the first aide section in those gumby cheap-ass high school diaries you get at the beginning of the school year.
And last but not least. Give a big round of applause to number four - "How Do You Know If You're Gay?" Do people actually wonder that? Call me an insensitive prick, (no really, do it. If you comment, add that in) but why would anyone waste their precious time wondering about that?

Meh. So so ends another episode of Random Google searches. I'm your host, Chikory O'riley. Goodnight.

*During an MSN conversation with Hambo, I challenged him to mock the Crazy Warehouse Guy from Chaser's War on Everything during his night shift in the Liquor department of Safeway. He came online today, but I was too busy watching videos on youtube to ask, and he didn't offer. I guess Hambo chickened out and failed me. Shame that. I would've liked to see the security tapes for that evening.

**I was bored and wanted to add a shit load of links to my post. Who actually clicked on them all? C'mon, own up, who?

I've said it once, I'll say it again. WTF???

2006-08-31T18:06:00.000+10:00

Thanks to my posse member, Mel, my attention has been brought to yet another fact that proves the world has gone MAD!

This article tells the disturbingly sick tale of two happy retarded parents doting over their sprog in a very warped and unhealthy manner.
Surely Tom isn't that desperate for cash after losing his contract with Paramount that he has to resort to, literally, selling shit? Come now, Tom. You can sell your acting; it's of equal value!

Okay, okay, so they claim the proceeds are going to infant health charity "March of Dimes". But the whole thing is freakin' warped, like Tom's face.

I'm disturbed.
Goodbye.

RACQ... WOULD be without it.

2006-08-29T11:20:00.000+10:00

I hate RACQ. In fact, I hate RACQ so much that it has just bumped Kyra Sedgwick out of my top 10 most hated evils list.

Get this. Recently I changed my car insurance from RACQ insurance to the one with my bank. Being the paranoid little mofo I am, I never leave all my moolah in an account that other companies and crap have access to. My mother has had issues with companies stealing her moolah, and so has my father. So I'm not willing to let them have access to more than is needed.

Anyway, I left just over 100 dollars in the account for the bank to take the first months payment, which was only a low 71 bucks. RACQ had been cancelled, they called the head hunchos right in front of me telling me that the policy was over and done with. I was assured their computer records showed I wasn't insured with them anymore. However, this was not the case.

I get a letter in the mail a few days later from the bank telling me that there wasn't enough money in the account, so I am now over drawn. As a result, the buggers are charging me 20 bucks.
My reaction, "WTF?" Seeing as there was at least 30 dollars more than was needed in the account.

Today, it is all clear. I get a cheque in the mail for the amount of 73 bucks from RACQ. The bastards stole my money a day before the bank was due to take out the payment, so when it came time for them there wasn't enough to cover the amount.

Heads will roll over this! I'm so damn pissed! In fact I might hire Jack Bauer to do some contract killing. Or maybe I'll just frame them to look like terrorists so he'll do it for free.

BAH!!!
NOT HAPPY JAN!!!

Rocket man!

2006-08-24T15:20:00.000+10:00

So, I paid a long awaited visit to Erold. HAHAHA! I shit you not, that's my doctor's name. Hehehe. Sorry, I just find it funny.

Anyway, I'm all good now. I hated how the other druggies were not working, and then when I stopped taking them because my prescription ran out (and I'm an uber tight ass, so I couldn't be arsed refilling it for nothing), I felt sick. Like real sick. So I was extra pissy than normal.

But I have new drugs now, so I'm not feeling so sick and dizzy anymore, and I'm not AS pissed off. I'm sort of bordering on the line of being a normal person, as opposed to the I'm-going-to-kill-you person I was about 5 hours ago.

Mind you, I wanted to kill this old lady in Woolies earlier. Mum and I were standing at the checkouts, and she was totally invading my personal space! I shit you not! She was all up in there, standing right behind us, slamming her trolley into the back of us, and squishing her groceries up against ours. I got over mad and I said rather loudly to mum, "This old bat is in my personal space. If she doesn't get the hell out of my bubble I swear I'm going to hit her." To which mum replied, "I don't think she'd like that much." So I added, "Yeah, and my medication hasn't kicked in yet, so I could plead insanity."
She backed off slightly, but not enough in my books.

Oh, wanna read something funny? Like uber funny? My sister was busily packing today to embark on her journey back home. Her train was due to leave at 7pm, and she messages me and mentions that her son turned 3 yesterday.
I thought about this for a moment and I'm like, "WTF? Her son was born on the 24th. Is she that nuts she doesn't even know her own kids birthday?"
So I message her back informing her of this, and then she realises that she has the dates wrong and she isn't leaving until tomorrow.
I know. It's reason #244 why my sister is an idiot.

And I know she will be reading this at some point, so suck it up. It's nothing I haven't said to your face! (Insert emoticon with tongue poking out in an attempt to add a little levity to the situation here.)

Before I go, I should add that I am going to have to ditch my name and move countries because little Matty is coming. He is going to open up a can of whoop ass on me, so I'd better boot scoot out of here. After all, his mummy is a flight attendant. *OH NO!*
Mind you, I doubt the fag could find his way out of a paper bag, let alone locate me in the white pages.
Flaming homo, or just a try hard emo? What do you reckon?

MA COFFEE! MA COFFEE! I HATE COFFEE!!!

2006-08-22T11:32:00.000+10:00

5 days without my medication is sending me a tad bonkers. I'm not nuts, though. Despite what people say! Don't listen to them, just ignore them. They're against me, so you'd be wise to heed my warning and steer clear of that posse of wrong doers!

Nah seriously, you'd best listen, because I know the Red Power Ranger, and he can be a real bitch!

And weeeeee! DAVID HASSELHOFF!

It's times like this when I pull out my "big bear mug" and fill it with about 5 tablespoons of coffee or more. It fits a whopping 1 litre, and most coffee lovers would be going, "OH YAY!" But I hate coffee. I guess I'll probably be throwing up later, because it totally tastes like shit.

Yes, I've eaten shit. Not intentionally, mind you. But I have eaten it.

"BORN TO BE WIIIILLLLLDDD..."

You pussy freakin' coffee drinkers need to grow some balls! You call this a mug of coffee?

I laugh in your general direction!

THIS is a mug of coffee. A MAN'S coffee. Not that I'm a man. I'm just no girly freak, like whimpy I'm-gonna-give-you-a-parking-ticket-and-own-your-ass Ned from Neighbours.
THIS IS A MUG OF COFFEE!!!

(Mind you I didn't think that through. The ruler ends on 300mm, so, like, just count from there Backwards to 170mm and that's how tall my mug is.)

COFFEE DRINKERS UNITE!
The Red Power Ranger says hi!
IT'S MORPHIN TIME!

Don't you just want to hit it?

2006-08-15T18:18:00.000+10:00

At present there is some little mofo in Canada who wants my blood. Seems he's more gullible than your average 2 year-old at Christmas. But what the heck, I had my fun. I still can't believe the little tosser hurried his ass down to the mall to meet me, and then sent his woman in to scope out the bogger walls for his e-mail address, which was apparently written there.

I had to regretfully stand the poor guy up, seeing as it's hard and all to get from Australia to Canada in half an hour, and he was mighty rejected. But all in all the argument that took place upon his return was a well needed boost to my spirits. I haven't had a good retarded Internet fight since, well, since MSN closed down the Grotto.
Mind you, it was a bit of a slow argument. He took about 3 minutes to spew out a totally "leet" line of illiterate garbage. But someone who knows him in person informed me that it's because he has to take time to flick his hair to the side before he starts to type. What a dumb ass.

So if you're bored and you want to have fun, add ditto272@hotmail.com. You can get the other good details from his profile.

Hahaha! Try hard emo!

Mares eat oats and does it oats and little lambs eat ivy.

2006-08-04T13:28:00.000+10:00

It was three weeks yesterday since I bought my mice on a whim down in Brisbo. Come tomorrow it'll be three weeks since my little Emo passed away. However, thinking I purchased 2 mice was clearly an error in judgment, as I have found that Bauer is pregnant. She's as big as a whale. You know what that means?
I was right!

For the past few weeks I have been convinced that she and House were up to something. They were acting so secretive, yet at the same time were quite obviously plotting something sinister. So all you morons who said I was paranoid, well, HA! I was so totally on the money!

In other news I bought myself a copy of "A bit of Fry & Laurie" on Wednesday. It's quite funny in places, and I will be buying seasons 2 and 3 when they're released in Australia. If you want a laugh at good ol' British humour in all its innocence, then I recommend that you snag yourself a copy of this DVD and enjoy a good 3 hours and 31 minutes of insanity. Or you could just search youtube. But they're not all there so don't be a tight ass! Go out and buy it!

I now have 2 jobs again. Whenever I decide to bless Woolworths with my presence that is. I'm now being paid to clean up animal shit. It's not as bad as it sounds, though. I'm working at one of the many boarding kennels on the sunny coast, and damn it, I'm loving it! There are some ripe ol' characters there, and while I'm not too keen on cats, I'm thankful that the cleaning process for them is somewhat short so I can leave them pretty quick smart.

I'm not going to be getting too many hours with them until the holidays come, but it's experience, and it's much more enjoyable than Woolworths. So yay me!
I'm still looking for fulltime work, though. So that search continues.

A bit of sad news now. 24 ended last night, and I don't know if I can last a whole year until Jack's return. They should so totally move their asses and get the next series up and running before I cry.
But he saved the day, and he got the president arrested, and that's not all bad. However, he was not cool enough to outwit the Chinese a second time, and they caught him and beat his ass. I say it's because he didn't have his bag with him in that final scene. It's the only explanation, because he couldn't have done any of the shit he did without his bag!

And now, a tribute to Jack Bauer's magical ~~bag~~ man purse.
(Photobucket screwed up the image, there's nothing I can do about it.)

A bit of Fry and Laurie.

2006-07-29T13:54:00.000+10:00

Was doing some random youtube searching last night, and I stumbled upon some clips from that great British skit show, A bit of Fry and Laurie.

Dat's sum fune shit dere, ya'll.

Like, oh my Gawd. Eww factor +10,000!!!

2006-07-28T18:34:00.000+10:00

Dude. I totally chundered everywhere last night. Naturally I was none too happy when I was forced to part with my papadums and grog during the wee hours of morning. I was even less happy when I had to sleep on the cold floor due to the fact that my mattress stunk so bad it made me want to hurl all over again. I was also rather pissed that I had to wake my tired ass up and have a shower due to the fact that I was completely covered in my own stomach contents. Oh, and while I'm bitching, I'll also add that I'm majorly pissed off that my dog didn't clean it up! She vomits in my car all the time, I clean up after her. You'd have thought she'd return the favour. Damn dog.

So now I don't feel well, and because Chikory just does not get sick, I'm playing the blame game. (Ignore the bad grammar there. It sounded cooler that way. So deal with it!)
At first I thought it was a friend of mine named Sandra. She'd complained that she wasn't feeling very well. But that was probably because she broke her foot and they doped her up on pain killers, making her think she was invincible. So naturally she did a heap of shit, fell and smacked her head on the sink. Note to anyone out there armed with crutches: Crutches and puddles do not mix.

Then I remembered my sister's kid was ill. Kids are like miniature germ factories. She had snot all over the place. So I'm all like, yup, it had to be her.

HOWEVER! I recalled a recent post by Hambo. He's to blame! I realise he's miles away, but he's so damn leet I'm sure he has ways of passing on his various illnesses throughout cyberspace.
Not.Happy.Hambo!

On to other news. I had a job interview today. Well, it was actually yesterday. I didn't want it, and they'd scheduled it for 8:30am. So not wanting to get up early, I just didn't turn up. But the bastards rang looking for me. So a whole story evolved. Mum answered the phone and made herself sound like she was in a rush, "Oh, I'm just going to go and get her. Her car's broken down!"
They bought it. Suckers.
So I wait about an hour, ring them back with the whole story about how I got a flat tyre and my phone is such a piece of shit that it died on me, and they told me to get my ass down there on Friday at 12pm.
Well 12pm suited me just fine, but I still didn't want the job so I decided to go in and botch it up.
It's a reception position in an accounting office.
First off it's a boring job.
Second, the people in there look like a bunch of creeps.
and third, they're void of any personality. All they do is sit in silence and work. Like, hello! You have voice boxes people. Can't you talk and work at the same time?
Idiots.

So I painted myself as an A grade mental case, and I hope that that'll be it.

What's the bet I get the job, eh? I seriously wouldn't be surprised.

What's new up on the mount?

2006-07-26T11:20:00.000+10:00

Just a bit of an update of sorts, because I'm sure that blank post I bunged up yesterday just doesn't cut it. While a picture speaks a thousands words, a blank post just says nothing.

Anywhozel...
To start off with I had 2 job interviews. The first was as an admin assistant in a law firm. I started off really wanting the job, but as time progressed and I was called in for my second interview, I kind of didn't want it anymore. It's not that I don't want to work, because I do. It's the fact that I HAVE to go out into public everyday. I don't like people, I don't like dealing with them unless I have to. And when I say have to, I mean on my own accord, and when I've run out of bog roll or something and am left with absolutely no choice what so ever.
But the position was knocked down from a group of 20, to a group of 7, and then it boiled down to 2 people; one of them was me.

Fortunately I didn't get it. The lady said I missed out by a hair, but I wasn't too bothered anyway.

Then out of the blue I get a call from a boarding kennel that I had sent my resume to at the start of the year. They got me in for an interview, and I have a trial with them next Wednesday. It should totally be fun. It's a casual position, and I get to spend 98% of my time hanging out with animals. Now how much cooler does that get?

Next off I actually got to spend time with my sister, dubbed "The Evil One". I'd asked her to go places with me and she'd kept giving me bum excuses. So I finally decided to give up, sent her one message that more or less said I'm not going to bother trying after this, and she said yes. So off we went to the plaza.
She's totally changed, as her husband is a royal bastard and he brain washed her so now she's like a clone of him. But come the afternoon she started to act a little more like the sister I once knew.

The best part of our shopping expedition was that I found something I've been looking for for a long time. In Big W, I totally scored me a copy of The Greatest American Hero. I was stoked, and couldn't contain my excitement. I love that show! It's pretty shit when you concentrate on the graphics, but I still love it. They should definitely think about re-doing that series. It would kick ass if they did.

Hmm... So. What else is there? Nothing. That's what's new up on the mount.

2006-07-25T18:24:00.000+10:00

Emo made me emo.

2006-07-15T19:00:00.000+10:00

Just freakin' typical! Emo, the cute little critter that would get real pissy when you put her back in her cage, died! She died on me! She didn't plan it, and I'm sure if she had the choice she would've passed up such an opportunity. But it doesn't change the fact that I am down a mouse, and she was the greatest little buddy I'd ever had. Okay, one of the greatest buddies. Pop Corn, my hamster, was a legend; a grumpy bastard, but a legend none the less.

Rest in peace, Emo. I only knew you for 3 days, but you'll be missed for a life time.

...Sigh

Life is such a bitch. But so am I.

Another day another animal... Or 2.

2006-07-14T19:24:00.000+10:00

Most people go on a shopping spree when they're feeling low. I feel low 98% of the time, so I guess I'd be shopping pretty much 24/7 if I were to join that crowd. But when I get real low, like so low I want to walk out into on-coming traffic, I do random things.

Yesterday, I bought 2 mice.

My sister announced that some member of her bogan husband's family died, so she'd be making a special guest appearance down here. She notified me, telling me what time her train was getting in, and I contemplated showing up.
She rang me a few hours before she got on the train, and I told her I'd see her there. No other family member had a desire to go. So all she got was me.

Now if you've been reading my crap from the start, you'd know I don't particularly get along with my sister, mainly because her husband is a total asswipe and tends to control her like a puppet on a string. But that aside, I went along anyway.

Their train broke down, so they had to get the bus. She said sms'd me to tell me that she'd be in at 8am instead of 7:30am. Then again to tell me that it'd be 9ish. So 9am rolls around and I see Mr fugly in the crowd. I stood off to the side and waited, forcing her to come over to me. She did, and I met my niece for the first time (she's 1 and a half).

We had a few words, surprisingly we didn't end up in a screaming/beating match, and we both went on our "merry" way.

I was due to go into Mission Employment for my weekly half hour of life wasting, but I just couldn't handle those morons. I knew they'd want to lecture me over yesterday's "job interview". (Long story short - They forced me to go to an interview with a telemarketing company. I don't want to do that, I disagree with it 100%. So I went in, waited, and 5 minutes after my interview was scheduled to start I walked out.)

Anywho, I got in my little car and headed down to Brisbo to see Mel. She wasn't home when I got there, so she sent me to the shops for an hour. It's there that I saw the pet shop, and it's there that I randomly decided to buy 2 mice.

Emo, and Bauer. They're both girls. Emo is a very dark brown sulky nervous little thing, but she's very friendly all the same. She loves the warmth, doesn't like large crowds of mice, and appears to have been the runt of the litter.
Bauer is a grey mouse, and they both have brown eyes, because red eyed rodents are just plain creepy! Bauer is slightly bigger than Emo, but she earned her name more or less straight away. When the lady pulled her out of the cage, she jumped off her, on to me, back on to her, and then down onto the floor and made a break for it. I caught her, and in the midst of season 5 of 24, decided to name her Jack Bauer (Bauer for short). I know it's a guy's name, but I think Bauer is a pussy anyway. In fact even now, Bauer is still trying to find a way out of her cage.

Here are some pictures of Emo. Bauer likes the little hamster ball (I gave them my hamster's equipment. Damn I miss my little Pop Corn).

Ya know something? I can't be buggered fixing this big ass gap right now.

Nearly there now.

Almost.

You're getting close.

Here they are...

So damn retro.

2006-07-07T14:08:00.000+10:00

It's kinda sad when you go to youtube and look up tv shows from when you were a kid and find them branded "retro junk". They are by far not junk, but the fact that you're so damn old now that your favourite cartoons and kids' shows are now making their way to a freakin' museum really bites.

Last night I had a hella wacky dream. I'll spare you most of the details, and just mention that the show "Lamb Chop's" was in it. Dude, how cool is that song?
"This is the song that doesn't end, yes it goes on and on my friends. Some people, started singing it not know what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because. This is the song that doesn't end..."
Yeah, you get my drift.

~*~*~*~

Got a couple of movie reviews for you. Cheap Tuesday sent me in to blockbuster to grab a few Kiefer Sutherland movies. I decided to have a Jack Bauer fest, and you know something? The 3 movies I got weren't all that bad.

The first one was Flatliners. I know that I probably should've seen that one already by now, but I didn't. So kiss my ass. I liked it. It said "horror" on the front, but I found it amusing; especially the fact that Kiefer got the shit beaten out of him by an 8 year-old, which in the end turned out to be himself doing the not-so-random random bashings. Funny, dudes, fun-e!

So the suck rating for that one is a whopping 4 out of 5. (That's good by the way)

Next was Flashback. It was in the new release section, even though it was filmed in the late 80's. I guess they only just brought it out on DVD so it was bunged in that part of the store. Actually it was rather amusing. I spent 10 fucken minutes searching for that bastard film, finally gave up and turned to peruse another section only to find it staring me in the face. Son of a bitch. But that's Jack for ya, he can be such an asswipe when he wants to be.

Flashback totally owned. It's a comedy, and it involves drugs, booze, hippies, FBI agents gone wild, and of course, fugitives.
Suck rating for that one is 4 ½ out of 5, naturally.

Last but not least is a film called Dead Heat. It has that fat guy from Without a Trace. Ya know, the Aussie guy who thinks yelling will make his accent sound more convincing? Anyway, if you thought he couldn't sound any worse, watch this film because it's the worst attempt at an American accent I've ever heard in my whole damn life.
As for that dude's acting, it was pretty good. There was a horse in it, which Kiefer's character adores. He's a full blown horse man and he goes to see this 6 and a half year-old horse which is for sale. He looks at the horse and says, "He's so shiny." I find that amusing even if you don't.
Suck rating - 4 out of 5.

~*~*~*~

Now on a totally different track all together, I found this book whilst doing a random google search. I'm actually tempted to go in search of this particular book just to find out what is so upsetting about Alec Baldwin not loving him.

I got nothin'...

2006-06-29T16:32:00.000+10:00

Oh I just totally killed a bug Jack Bauer style not even a minute ago. You should've seen the guts squish out to the side, it was awesome! Hell, I can still see the guts because it was on my monitor at the time. I guess I didn't really think that one through.

I'm currently being harassed by a total bitch. Now I wish I could kill her like that bug. Or maybe like Jack Bauer did to that dude last night. He totally stabbed him through the neck with a pair of surgical scissors. If that's not cool, I don't know what is.

Threw a rock at a cat today. It was a fat lump of ginger shit sitting on my fence. So I jumped out of my car, grabbed the nearest rock and did an Australian fast bowler move on it. I sconned it right in the ass, so I assume it won't be coming back anytime soon.
Unless it's stupid, that is.

I had a shit load of stuff to ~~bitch about~~ say, but I seem to have forgotten it all.

Oh well.

Jack Bauer... DAMN IT!

2006-06-23T13:48:00.000+10:00

Ohmog! So, 24 is back on. I love watching that show. I never use to, but I saw the last ¾ of season 4, and thought it was rather funny.

Jack just kicks so much ass with his lack of food and water intake, and never needing to take a dump. Wouldn't life be so much more interesting if you were Jack Bauer? Don't you think? You'd get to run around and kill people in the name of saving the citizens of your country, not to mention that the price of living would be totally cheap! Imagine never having to line up in a supermarket to buy food or bog roll ever again!
*Sigh... I'm in heaven*
And if a kid were screaming its lungs out, you could totally whip out your weapon of choice and blow it's head clean off.

Okay, that's a bit morbid, but if I were Jack Bauer you'd be thinking about how cool I am, and how if you crossed me I'd totally hunt you down and blow you up with some paper and a match stick. Remember, he's Jack Bauer, he can do that!

Anyway. I started a blog at some shitty bebo place. I got bored and thought it would be fun to make a Jack Bauer blog. You can see it here.

My quiche is in the oven. I wish it would finish cooking. I have somewhere to go tonight, but I doubt I'll have much fun. Most of the people there I'd like to punch in the face, but stuff like that would be frowned upon; At least I'm assuming it would be. Unless of course my current 2-day-old dream of becoming Jack Bauer came true. Then it would be totally acceptable, and I could kick their asses and laugh.

Internet connection - $35 bucks a month
Time spent googling images of Jack Bauer - 20 bucks
Time spent youtubing 24 spoofs - $29.95
The dream of one day becoming Jack Bauer (Or just as kick ass as him) - Priceless

91 minutes later: I'm feeling pissy, jiffed, and I do believe my IQ has even dropped.

2006-06-17T20:54:00.000+10:00

I just finished watching a movie known to mankind as "Napoleon Dynamite". This complete load of shit made me laugh, but in a totally morbid way. I still have no idea what I was laughing at, or even why for that matter; the moment just seemed to call for it.

Does that seriously make sense to you? Because it makes bugger-all sense to me!

It's been mentioned in conversation a few times by a couple of people, although I was told someone was writing a poem and they said "Dear rock. You rock!" I saw none of this, and said person is going to have to explain themselves. Or maybe I just wasn't paying enough attention and I missed it. Both are totally plausible explanations. But the point of even starting this paragraph was to inform you that the above stated reasons happened to be my inspiration for actually going out and spending my precious dollars on this... uh.... movie?

Suck rating for this movie is a not so grand, yet passable 3 ½ out 5.
Now who do I see about getting my life back?

E blocking posse beware! I will get you!

2006-06-11T19:56:00.000+10:00

*Nokia ring tone*

"Hello?"

"Hi! How are you?"

"I'm fine. And you are?"

"Is this Chikory?"

"Yes."

"I've been stalking you!"

"Okay."

"And I really like you."

"Mmm Hmm..."

"And I think we should meet!"

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"Wow."

"We should have lunch."

"Oh, should we now?"

"Yes. I really like talking to you."

"Do you now."

"We should meet up. I'd like to meet you."

"You sound a little special."

"I am. That's me. I can't help it. That's just the way I am."

"Are you an E blocker?"*

Beep beep beep...

That's the phone call I got about half an hour ago. Just when I was starting to have fun they hung up. Pricks. I know it was "they" because I heard the other person laughing in the background.

Pity that. I really think we had something special going... sigh.

I'm pretty sure I knew who it was, too. Well, I've made a list of about 3 possible suspects. Each just as easy a target as the next. You may have hung up, mofos, but my fun has only just begun!

*E blocker is a term we used during high school. It defined the kids who attended the special education unit, which was located in E block. However, now it's in X block. So our old school terminology is, well, old school.

Woolies cocks up... AGAIN!

2006-06-08T16:46:00.000+10:00

It's no real surprise. If there were an award for the most idiotic global company, I'm sure Woolworths would win hands down. But what makes them so stupid? The overall objection of the company? The people that shop there? The lowly staff members that do all the hard yakka? No. It's the lazy bastard supervisors and head hunchos they put in charge. They are what makes such a huge company look like it's run by 3 year-olds in a day care center.

For about 10 weeks now I have been trying to get it through Debbie's thick skull that my weekly availabilities are as follows...
Monday 7am - 9:30pm
Tuesday 7am - 6pm
Wednesday - NA
Thursday 7am - 6pm
Friday 7am - 9:30pm
Saturday - NA
Sunday - Closed

Is that so hard to understand? Mind you it's all written in 24 hour time on their stupid forms. Maybe that's what confuses the dumb bitch. Or maybe it's just her lack of brain. Take your pick.

Basically each time I pay a visit to the roster I find she's rostered me on during a day I'm not available, so I have no choice but to can said shift. I complain about it. She tells me that something has stuffed up in the system, and then hands me a new availability form to fill out with the promise that she'll "fix it".
The next week follows and we repeat the process.

But in the last 2 weeks she's been extra stupid. The week before last she told me that my availabilities said that I wasn't available on Tuesdays, so that was why I had hardly any shifts.
"But Debbie" I said "I'm already rostered on for Tuesday. So how can the computer think that I'm not available for that day?"
Busted! And I fill out ANOTHER form.

Last week she put in the system that I wasn't available from Tuesday - Saturday.
I fill out another form.

Now this week I'm not available Monday - Saturday.
WTF? How stupid do you have to be to think, "Hang on. I've been doing this week after week. Maybe I don't remember the times she gave me, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't a big fat 0!"

I'm done with it though. I'm not going to mention it to her. She can figure it out on her own. And when she calls me in, she can fuck off because according to her roster I'm not available next week.

Nothing new; I'm still a bitch, and I still moan a lot.

2006-06-05T14:32:00.000+10:00

I called in sick today and gave Woolworths a miss. It was my only shift for the week, but who cares. I'm so over those idiots. The customers have been ticking me off 10 times more than usual, and it's a full time job restraining my violent urges and inner rage.
So the public was safe for one more day. Lucky them.

Instead I went to the doctors, and I met a rather pissed off old man; He's my inspiration. He'd been waiting for over 40 minutes, and he was none too happy. So he got up, went to the reception desk and asked the lady if she'd order him a pizza. She said no, that bitch. But it was funny none the less.

Now I'm back with a nice new prescription; and it's a stronger dosage! :o) WOOT!

Went to the park yesterday. There was a group going, and I took the dog seeing as it's a short bush bash away from my house (like 2 minutes, if that). Everyone was being boring and just sitting there eating, so I headed down to the waterfall and climbed half way down it as usual.
The dog was scared shitless, she always is, and I had some peace and quiet for a short while.
I was joined by a mob of kids peering up at me and yelling out, "Aren't you scared up there?"
Dumb shits. If I were scared I wouldn't have bothered to climb down the rocks.
Some people just don't think.

I'm just waiting to go somewhere at 3pm. It's like 2:30pm now. Don't you just hate that? You have somewhere to be at a certain time, yet there's not enough time to start doing anything because you know you'll have to stop before you finish whatever it is you decided to do. Instead time passes by slowly and ever so painfully. Fuck you clock!

Let's harass Chikory day!

2006-05-31T13:58:00.000+10:00

Apparently that's what today is, and let me tell you, it's shitting me off!

It all started with an early morning shift at Woolworths. I wasn't on the checkouts, I was in perishables again, but I was filling the milk fridge. It's not done the same way in each store, basically it depends on your fridge layout. With ours we fill it from behind, unlike a few years ago when we had no choice but to fill it from the front. It was cold, I was tired, and the stupid shelves kept moving and tossing all the milk I'd filled onto its side. I've never cursed an inanimate object so much in my entire life!

Next 8am rolls around, customers are allowed to enter the store, naturally they make a bee line for me and start with the annoying questions.
"Where do I find this?" "Do you stock this brand?" "There's none of this on the shelf. Have you got any out the back?"
Legitimate questions, I know. But it still annoys me! I just wish they'd use their brains and find the stuff on their own for a change.

At 9am I hurried home, got changed, and then had to drive my mum to an appointment. I dropped her off at the door, parked the car, and then walked back. On the way I had some creepy "special" bogan staring at me. What-ev-er, I thought, and I continued on my way.
I get in the door, go upstairs, and go to sit down in one of 8 seats. This mother fucking 35 year-old bogan retard sees me and goes, "You can sit next to me if you want."
I figure he's just being polite and decline his gracious offer with a "no thank you." Simple enough, you'd think. I mean why the hell would anyone want to sit next to a total stranger when you have another 6 vacant seats to choose from? Really! Come on! What a dick.
So I sit down, and he starts getting pissy.
"I was only trying to be polite."
"That's okay." I reply, sensing a rant coming on.
"Because this seat is more comfortable."
WTF? All the seats were the same. What a total toss pot!

We sit in silence for a while, and the guy's mobile starts to ring. It's his girlfriend, and she is calling to inform him that she got done for drink driving. So what does he do? He starts telling her how to get out of it. How if she doesn't show they can't take her license. What a crock. Then he starts with the court rubbish and says he'll go with her, because he knows how to "work the system".

He hangs up, silence ensues.

Next think I know, I feel these eyeballs boring into my skull. He's getting pissy again.
"It's like I don't even exist!" He exclaims and then gets up and goes to the front desk to hand in his paper work.

In this time I'm sitting on my own, enjoying the lack of retards; it doesn't last, though.
This complete and utter wanker comes walking out and looks at me and grins, "HI! How are you?"
"I'm fine thanks." I answer starting to get a tad bit paranoid with all the unwanted attention I seem to be receiving
"That's great." and, not in an Elvis style fashion, he exists the building.

The next load of harassment I received didn't come until later that afternoon. I got bored and decided to take the dog for a walk to the park. We have a bit of a waterfall there, so I start heading towards the trail. There are these two old bogans puffing on their smokes, and they stop, turn, and each yell out an overly cheerful hello.
I had my headphones on so I chose to ignore them.

I continue on my way down to the waterfall and climb half way down it, settle, and then start to draw.
Not 3 minutes later the dog starts to bark. I look up and the two women are at the top looking down at me waving and yelling out hello.
I take out my headphones, call the dog back and they disappear for a moment. It seems they are too retarded to find the walking trail. It's not hard to see, yet they bitch about how there is no path.
Then they return and stare at me some more.
So I got pissed off, packed up my stuff and walked the rest of the trail, hoping they'd catch on and realise that there really was a path.

And that brings me to here. Right here, right now.
I'm so over today.

Postman Prat & his black and white shat...

2006-05-30T11:42:00.000+10:00

Yeah, I'm just bursting with talent. I know.
And I'm funny.

Anywhozel... I've not had much to do on the Intermanet lately, so I've sort of been sucked into the whole "youtube" craze. I found some amusing Postman Pat dubs. They're long, but well worth a look...

Episode 1 - 5:00

Episode 2 - 12:41

Enjoy!

Pumpkin Festival.

2006-05-28T15:48:00.000+10:00

Well today was the day. The long awaited and eagerly anticipated (in a morbid curiosity kind of way) Goomeri Pumpkin Festival.

Mum and I set off with Ronald, Lamberise, and Biceps Man at around 9:30am. It was meant to take an hour and 40 minutes or so to get there, but slow drivers and idiots who can't seem to manage a bend in the road at 100kmph made it take longer.

We saw a pheasant, a few cows, and some rather skinny horses. All in all a very nice pleasant drive.

But when we reached Goomeri, the bogans appeared. Actually it was a rather confusing sight to see. This one guy had his wife and 2 kids there. But that's not the odd sight I saw. He had a brand spanking new Ford Falcon, one with that cool uber expensive oil paint job. Yet he couldn't afford to clothe himself.
I mean it's obvious why; he spent all his money on the car, but wouldn't you at least attempt to dress like you had some cold hard cash and not a box on wheels? This guy was seriously wearing thongs (flip flops for you American bastards), short shorts, and an op shop style singlet that didn't even cover his HUGE beer gut.
It was a sight for sore eyes... at least mine were after I saw him.

But back to the pumpkin related topic... what pumpkins?
It was a pumpkin festival and we saw probably 5 pumpkins in the entire place! They had Scottish bagpipes, dancers, Gypsies, and a bunch of old fat police men in a band.
There were a heap of market stalls, and some rides for the kids, and one of those dog competitions. You know, the ones where the dog rounds up 2 cows. I think it's rather cruel myself, they should at least rotate the cows. It must be so confusing for them, being rounded up over and over again the whole day long.

Ronald and his gang got their picture taken in several places. We even walked down the road to a farmer's field to ask a couple of cows permission for photo shoot with the stuffed animals. They obliged, and were thanked for their co-operation. I should have some good pictures out of it. But seeing as all mum owns in an idiot camera, they may not turn out as planned. I really have to get myself a digital camera. It saves the added time and cost of all that developing.

So. After Goomeri, we headed to Gympie. Why not take a picture of Ronald there while we're out that way? It seems every second store is named after the town. They even have signs stating that there is a Gympie traffic area ahead. OH MY SQUAD! It's not any old traffic area... It's a GYMPIE traffic area.
Idiots.

In the end we settled for a photo near a rusty old train. It seemed very symbolic. Dead train... dead town... half dead inhabitants.

For those of you who don't know, Gympie is like our Canada. People pay it out, and they don't want to associate with it. The majority that live there are all inbred and on the dole. It's loserville with a capital 'L'.

So that's my post. My pumpkin came with me in my bag, and I seemed to be the only one that possessed one.

The End.

The seasons screw with my butter! And I don't like it!

2006-05-27T13:12:00.000+10:00

The title says it all. I was pretty pissed about this yesterday, I even had a few customers agreeing with me. Probably because they assumed me to be lacking something mentally so it would have been safer to agree. But that's not what I started talking about.

When it's cold your butter is rock hard. You can't spread it on toast or bread without it ripping the bastard apart.
But when summer comes around, it melts! So you put the fucker in the fridge, but what happens? It's too freaking hard!

What is this shit?

My grandad (on my mum's side) used to sit his butter in a case he made with a little light globe. His butter was all good all year around.

Why don't I do that?

Rant officially closed.

ONE DAY! ONE FREAKIN' DAY TILL THE FREAKIN' PUMPKIN FESTIVAL!
& Green iz ma bestest freind eva! LOLZ!!!!1!!! MANG!!!1111

And you care about what I have to say why?

2006-05-26T20:04:00.000+10:00

For some reason stuff just tastes better in my SpongeBob glass. I have no idea why, and I shit you not. But it really does taste 100% better. Maybe it's just the awesome coolness seeping out of the spectacular texture of Patrick's grumpy face. Maybe it's the uber legendary status that SpongeBob holds. Or maybe it just happens to be the fact that I am the one drinking out of it.
Yeah, it's probably the latter. Case closed.

Had a good day at work today. I was rostered on to do 5 hours on checkouts, and my mood was on the up. I swear I'm bipolar or something, but I don't have enough highs, so it can't be that. Anywho. I was chatty with my customers, and was able to suppress any thoughts of momentary madness involving the little plastic divider. All in all, I scared a few staff members with my smiles and pleasant conversations.

But back to the point. Fran (Fran Fran, not Judy Fran) asked me to do some work in the perishable department, which I am only too happy to do. Debbie was literally seething with rage when I said yes without hesitation. See, I've been saying no to any added hours and stuff until they start rostering me on with a humane amount of hours to live off.

This post is not very fluent today. Meh. Deal with it. I've seen worse.

So I did that. Thais, the fat bitch from the fiery depths of hell, started some shitty rumour. She got called to the office over and tried to blame Tim, a guy I frequently call gay. So when that backfired on her, she had a big cry in the locker room and tried to get attention from everyone.
I told her she was a bitch. At least I think I did. I didn't realise it at the time, but later I came to the realisation that I may have said it out loud and not in my head like I originally thought.
But that's okay because she is a bitch; so no big loss there.

There was some farewell doo in the tea room. A big cake was brought out, and there were no flys about. So when 5:30pm rolled around, I went up to take a "slice". My slice was literaly a 15cmx15cm chunk. But it made Cholly's day when I carried it out the express lane and purchased some paintbrushes. I deserved it after having to listen to the manager pile on the biggest load of shit speech. He might as well have got on all fours and shoved his head up Tony's ass. I wouldn't mind but Tony hates him, mostly because he's a dumb fuck. Actually, the whole store hates him. It was funny because when Ian was done with his brown nosing spiel, I turned to Anabell and said, "Now let's hear what Tony thinks about Ian." It would've been priceless if Tony actually did do that.
Tony is one of those guys who says what he thinks, and he's majorly sarcastic about it. He has the same sense of humour as Caz and the Hack.

Alright, it's time for this illiterate monkey to fly.
2 days till the pumpkin festival! 2 FREAKIN' DAYS! YEAH, BABY!

Evil has a name. That name is Harold!

2006-05-24T18:34:00.000+10:00

Heh. I was messing around at the wonderful site, youtube, and I found this beauty. I'll say what I said at the time... GO HAROLD! I just love that look on his face. The whole, "I am going to kill you" look. Harold has done what most dream of doing; saying those very words to someone and watching them cringe.

Still 4 days till the Pumpkin festival! I can hardly wait! <<< Sarcasm people!

WoWPoS... total shit.

2006-05-24T13:02:00.000+10:00

I don't like it. The old register system was better, and not as easy to break.
Why do they need to run off of a Microshit OS anyhow? WTF is up with that?

The 2 hours and 20 minutes of training was fun, though.

That's basically all I have to bitch about.

4 days until the pumpkin festival! Agent Cholly is onboard. We're gonna have a ball.

WOOT!

I am so full of rage right now!!!

2006-05-22T12:46:00.000+10:00

I'm uber pissed. So pissed that you'd think I had just returned from an 8 hour shift at Woolworths. But I haven't. I've just been out in public, in Woolworths, and wasting my life at stupid shit house Mission Employment.

What a load of shit.
My life is a load of shit.
I am so turning into an emo fruit cake. I hate that, too. It is also a load of shit.
I'll say shit one more time for good measure... shit.

Basically, the last time I was reduced to living off of Centrelink payments, Mission moronically didn't take me out of their computer system. You would've thought the fact that I wasn't turning up to their pointless appointments, and gracing them with my ever so radiant presence would've made them twig.
No.
That's expecting a little too much from those intelligent souls.

So because of that, I am stuck on "intensive support" this time around. Which basically means, "we're going to harass you a lot to justify our jobs".

Granted things have become a little better since the last time I was there, as you now only have to spend half an hour 3 days a week in there, but that was never the most annoying part. They constantly annoy you! You're sitting there, wasting your life in their office doing something you are totally capable of doing at home, surrounded by incompetent morons who don't know how to log onto a fucking computer or send an e-mail, and are expected to be able to concentrate on typing up job applications.
If that wasn't bad enough, you have the added irritance of them coming over half way through your train of thought going, "Are you okay? Do you need any help?"
HELLO! Do I look like I need any fucking help? I'm half way through my fucking application letter. I have a page full of fucking jobs to apply for. I'm minding my own fucking business in the fucking corner of your fucking office! FUCK OFF! When I want your fucking help, I'll fucking ask for it! For fucks sakes!
And once again I will say fuck one more time for good measure... fuck.

So now that I have completely forgotten where I was going with my sentence, I have to re-read everything I have typed and try again, only for the same process to be repeated by some other loser attempting to justify their existence.

I have a sandwich. Feel my wrath sandwich I as I eat you with my incredibly huge mouth! CHOMP, CHOMP, CHOMP!

Okay, that was random.

Now that I am in my misery, surrounded by my personal effects, my anger has dissipated. The sandwich made things good. I will end my rant.

Goodbye.

YAY!!!

2006-05-21T07:50:00.000+10:00

Check it out! I so totally rock. Okay, I don't. All I did was mess with the settings, and it's nothing anyone else hasn't bothered to do. But I'm still going to pat myself on the back.

Before anyone gets pissy about the links being gone, they're going to be featured on my site. I'm just sick of not being able to add photos of the size I want to my posts. Basically it boots that whole side margin (that used to be there) down to the bottom, and everything turns out gay. So I booted the side margin, and now I can add as many pictures to my posts as I wish. Hooray!

I'm still editing the main part of my site. The fact that I have no life should mean that I do a lot of it today. But then again I'm a lazy son of a bitch, so I might just start it, get bored, and then stop. Not that anyone cares anyway. But bah! Bah to you! Bah to you times three!

Dog needs to go to the loo, she's looking pretty desperate. I guess I'd better grant her wish before she deposits her load on the floor. I don't really want to have to clean it. So yeah.

*Transmission end*

Just a bit of an update

2006-05-11T17:16:00.000+10:00

He he. Check it out. I've got my very own stalker. Well. Not a very good one, as I only found out they were after me a month after the fact, thanks to my brother's girlfriend in China.

Not only is there this fact, but there's a nice little comment left on my last post. I don't think they are connected, but out of the 2 I like the comment best. I do so hope I'm the chosen one, though. Wouldn't that rock? It'd be like when Tasha joined that cult in Home of the Gays... only real! YAY!

Hmm... I'm hating this whole blogger setup. It's pretty shit. But I can't be arsed learning how to do all that rss feed rubbish. All I really know is html, xhtml, and css. The rest I just can't seem to get into. So if anyone has any programs out there or tips, feel free to give me a shout. I really wanna get this blog up and running at my own joint.

My dad just came in and harassed me over some dumb XP manual. Only HE would need a manual for XP. AHAHAHAHAHAHA! ♪Ba doom doom ching!♪

But back on track. What else is going on? I've applied for a heap of admin jobs. But I've heard nothing back yet. It's probably because they want juniors, and I've just been applying anyway. The thing is they all want juniors with about 6 years experience or something. That's NOT going to happen. So I figure when they find no one suitable, if they find no one suitable, they'll go for the next best thing and start looking at the older folk. Boy it sucks to be me right now.

Woolies hasn't been too bad of late. They're not as pissy as usual, but I still want out. I know it won't be a long lasting thing. It never is.

I have some gummi bear stuck in my braces. I'll be eating that all night.

I haven't been hanging around The Epiphany Toilet lately, mostly I've been bunging up stupid pointless posts at my MSN space. I'm getting a lot of trackbacks for my posts, and they're still freaking me out. Don't ask me why, they just are.
You can also read about Wilson, my rock there. So I suggest you scroll down a few posts and check out the link I handed out. I'm not going to baby you and make it simple. Use the hunting skills your cavepeople ancestors gave you! Pussies.

Not really much else to say. I hope soon I have this place shifted back over to The Epiphany Toilet, with a new look and stuff. That'd be so good. I've started on some pictures, but whether it actually gets done or not, I dunno.

Anywhozel. Life's a bitch and I'm Derryn Hinch.

Stoopid brain!

2006-04-27T18:22:00.000+10:00

Wow. How slow am I? (Don't answer that. I probably won't like what you say)
I totally missed the fact that on the 6th The Epiphany Toilet AKA Disgruntled Employee Association, turned 1!

Amazing. But you know what? Who gives a shit. Apparently not me, or I would've noticed sooner!

I'll tell you about my pet rock, Wilson, later. Right now I'm busy forgetting about dinner.
lobotomy anyone?

Name it yourself.

2006-04-24T16:54:00.000+10:00

Last week I had to apply for the dole. I found it degrading to say the least. But unlike the vast majority of people leeching off the tax payer, I actually intend on finding a job. In 5 days I've applied for over 10. Go me!
Mind you, only 2 of those were advertised, the others were more of a, "Hey, I'm here. Giz a job, mate. Giz a job."

Anywho. I go in on Friday to ask Debbie, the bitch from hell to write Centrelink a nice note saying that my hours of dropped to less than 15. She said she'd do it. She didn't.
Then she says she'll do it up for Monday. It'll definitely be there Monday.
It wasn't. So I tell Kelly I'll be back at 1pm for it, she told Debbie this.
I come back at 1pm, it's not done! She makes me wait an hour.

Now it's getting on for 2pm here, but she asks me if I want to work. Like hell I do! I'm trying to get all this bull shit for Centrelink sorted, and she wants to get me to rush home, get ready for work, and then come back in? I think not!
So she goes and has a bitch to one of the boss dudes, who then says to me, "You're complaining about having not hours but you're not going to accept extra?"
The fucking dick heads need to realise that if they aren't going to roster you on, the days off are going to be filled with other activities! Maybe if Debbie had got off her rectum and given me the letter I needed on Friday, I would've been free today!

I basically said that to her, but it went in one ear and out the other. Bah, managment. Sons of bitches.

That's basically all I have to bitch about. Aside from the fact that I can't seem to wear my glasses while I drive anymore. It's the strangest thing. I get a massive headache, and when I take them off I seem to drive better than I did before, even though I can't see 100%. I think I need my eyes checked.

The End.

Chikory's Epiphany Toilet

Grammar Nazi at work.

:or

Burn After Reading

Awesomeness!

I have reached the conclusion...

I dubb thee a waste of my time.

Are you an annoying customer?

Ok, so it's been a while...

All is nothing. Therefore nothing must end.

Long time no see.

...

Just a spot of venting...

A bunch of quizzes... What? I was bored.

Better late than never...

*Sigh* The perils of customer service…

So... Another one bites the dust.

'Ello. 'Ello. 'Ello...

Time Machine! Minus the Flux Capacitor!

How to be a good wife.

Very mature of me, I know...

I declare war upon Windows Live.

Leave my elevator alone!

Chikory visits Nerd Central - Part Two

Chikory visits Nerd Central - Part One

Heh... Thanks, Matt! :o)

State of Origin Game 1 Recap (2007)

Sharp pointy objects, the zoo, and the inhabitants of my hometown...

I'm still alive and kicking...

17 days too late...

Supermarket 101

Part 2 - YAY! Field trip!

Heh... Owned! (In a nut shell)

Just a bit of ranting. Why? Because I can!

Stuff... Whatever. I don't care.

Pig's bottoms unite!

Part 1 - YAY! Field trip!

OHMOG! SHE'S ALIVE!!!

My sister is a retard.

¿?¿ :or

In the great words of Nelson Muntz, "HA HA!"

♪♪♪♪

Weekly update... Because I'm lazy and it has been an actual week since my last post. Could this title be any longer? Yes.

In the words of Big Kev, "I'm excited!"

♪"'Cause ya had a bad day..."♪

Meet Zoe. Poor dog.

Today... sucked. <:o(

Reason #202 why I'm a nut case.

The post with no title. Oh wait, this is a title. Damn it!

Statler & Waldorf... Because I got bored. OKAY? Now get off my back!

A spot of late night ranting...

♪"Lazy Sunday afternoon. I've got no mind to worry. I close my eyes and drift away..."♪

A Good Year

*Sigh*

It's mine! ALL MINE!!!

www.zombo.com

RANDOM RANDOMNESS FROM A RANDOM PLANET!

Dot dot dash... WTF does that mean anyway?

What the hell...?

RAH! RAH! RAH!

Spider Solitaire...

It's a conspiracy!

I got bored.

Foreman's black!

Who will be next?

Life's a pile of doo doo. But I'm not Derryn Hinch.

Arnott's Pizza shapes; a soft drink, it ain't.

Crazy Warehouse Guy!

I've said it once, I'll say it again. WTF???

RACQ... WOULD be without it.

Rocket man!

MA COFFEE! MA COFFEE! I HATE COFFEE!!!

Don't you just want to hit it?

Mares eat oats and does it oats and little lambs eat ivy.

A bit of Fry and Laurie.

Like, oh my Gawd. Eww factor +10,000!!!

What's new up on the mount?

Emo made me emo.

Another day another animal... Or 2.

So damn retro.

Sigh The perils of customer service…

Sigh