I declare war upon Windows Live.

>:o( See that face? That's the face of complete and utter disgruntlement! I'm pissed as. Yesterday morning I was FORCED to update from MSN 7.0 to Windows Live. I hate Windows Live. For months they've been asking me if I'd like to download the latest version, and each time my answer has been exactly the same; NO! So now they've pulled a swifty and not given me the option. I couldn't sign on until I complied with their Nazi demands.

Not.Happy.Jan! >:o(

It seems that whenever Microsoft updates a program their main objective is to create a much more frustrating, non-beneficial version. It's like they all sit in their office plotting.
"We've received complaints that this program doesn't actually work very well. It apparently gives the user error messages when they try to perform functions the program is supposed to be able to comply with."
"What? Don't waste my time with that! How can we make it more annoying?"
"Oh! I know! Let's move the button to close the window somewhere else. That'll confuse them."
"Very good, Bob. You get a pay rise."
"And how about we ask the user if they want to download a bunch of partner programs, and even if they say no just do it anyway?"
"EXCELLENT! Bob, you're fired. Fred, you get his pay rise."

I bet that's what they do. Seriously. I'm 98.8% convinced of it. It's a conspiracy!

So I have this absolutely retarded version of MSN stuck on my computer like a virus. Then again, I'm using Windows, so it's more like an extremely minor sniffle in comparison. I absolutely hate the graphical interface. It's drab and depressing. I don't handle change, so that's another reason I'm hating it. The snot green online user man and the grey depressing fading man for offline is just... well, it's damn depressing! That's what it is. Depressing!
It's slow. A lot slower than 7.0 was. Half the time it doesn't function. But then again, that's their aim so I guess they did their job.
And my biggest peeve by far is the fact that it created a folder on C drive called "My sharing folder".
A) I don't intend on sharing anything with anyone.
B) I'm no Communist! Obviously Microsoft wants us all to be though. And I wouldn't mind, but if the program actually communicated with itself it would know that I don't wish to partake in their new age Hippie mumbo jumbo. I said "No" to file sharing. N.O. I ticked the little box. Why create a folder when it's already been decided that's it's not going to be required?
& C) I don't appreciate having things on ma pooter that I can't rename or delete if I should feel inclined.

I hate being told what to do on my own pooter by a freakin' program! I gave the bums feedback, which they'll probably ignore. But I'm totally planning on switching back to Yahoo.

It's probably not worth getting so angry about. But I'll get over it. It's just no good to bottle it up inside, no matter how puny and insignificant it seems. As Joy's mum from My Name is Earl says, "Don't you judge me!" Heh. Great show.

Leave my elevator alone!

You know, I think I've had a post by this name before. But I thought one of my favourite movie quotes (From Blast From the Past) fitted really well. You'll see why when you read on and follow the links...

I couldn't let such comedy gold fall into my lap and just pass it by. My brother sent this link today assuring me I'd "laugh my ass off". I don't have a donkey, but I figured I'd give it a quick look see regardless. Click here for the direct youtube link, just in case the newspaper url changes at some point. I can't be expected to keep track of these things, so I'm just covering all bases.
There's some bad language, but it's no worse than what you get on TV or in movies. You can't say you weren't warned.
Also, see this dude taking the piss out of the emo moron.

In other news. Kevin Rudd has totally ignored my friend request on myspace. I'm hurt. Seriously. I'm deeply hurt. On the inside. If I voted I'd totally be John Howard all the way!* There's no fury like a Chikory scorned.
I wouldn't mind but I only wanted to leave him a comment in an attempt to help his campaign along. His cool points are under serious threat by having Tom as his friend. I mean, that's like having a huge neon nerd sign constantly hanging above your head. He needs to be informed! How about we all ban together to get this message across? Otherwise things could get disastrous.

Peace out ma homeboys.

*Just a quick note to let you all know I don't particularly care for Kevin Rudd. I don't care for hands-in-your-pocket Howard, either. Vote. Don't vote. What do I care.

Chikory visits Nerd Central - Part Two

YAY! The not-so-long anticipated arrival of part two is here. You can all relax now.

In all my time of riding the trains I've never once had my ticket checked. Not once! That is until precisely 9:13am on the 4^th of September. :o) Ohmog! So exciting!!!
We got off the train at South Brisbane and were met by 2 macho cops who demanded everyone show their tickets in order to gain access to the streets below. I was stoked. In that moment my world became complete. Well, for a few minutes anyway.

**********************

There's one thing I've noticed during these missions to collect commodities, and that's that all the crazy people seem to congregate at the library. I don't know what it is that attracts them to it. After all you'd think they'd have better things to do with their time. I know if I were a nut job I'd have some fun with it. There are heaps of cool things you can do in a public place that are more fun than reading books and stalking dead relatives via old newspapers. But what would I know? Apparently I'm sane... Apparently.

On the topic of dead relative stalking, it's extremely funny to watch people getting excited over everything that they've discovered along their research journey. They almost never keep this intriguing information to themselves. No Sir, it's the friendly librarians that cop it the most. Miles is probably the one who is mainly targeted. You'll see him bailed up by some crazy person regaling him of all their uber interesting discoveries.
"And my great great great great great great grandma, she apparently used to go to the store and buy oranges! I know! ORANGES! Would you believe it? And afterwards, she'd squeeze them and have orange juice. Like, not from a bottle with preservatives and stuff. Just 100% pure fresh orange juice!"
Miles of course acts equally as excited over the news, just to be polite.
What I'd love to see is someone trying that over on the evil bitchy librarians. They'd be all, "Shut the hell up and piss off! We need you to vacate the machine NOW as we have a huge backlog of people waiting. I don't have time for civilities, you insignificant little twerp! ROAR!!!" Then they'd morph into some strange alien creature and proceed to eat them.
SMACK DOWN!

I was actually privy to a conversation between two researches. They were both literally fighting with each other for the right to speak. I wonder if either of them comprehended what the other was saying, because to me it just sounded like two people talking at the same time. But who knows. Maybe it's a talent this breed of weirdo possess. I joked with Julien that he should go over and start telling him about all the data and wheat prices he's collecting. But he didn't. :o( He'll make a spectacle of himself trying to squeeze through small gaps sectioning the public off from staff office spaces, but he won't share the enlightening world of data with anyone. *Sigh*

**********************

I was most disappointed that over the two days, Barry was a total no show. My plans were foiled! Not that I had any plans, but if I did then it would've been safe to say that they were well and truly stufftorized. Damn you, Barry. You got the last laugh. But unless you've been institutionalised we'll meet again. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But sometime in the future I'm sure. You haven't seen the last of me... Yeah, I dunno what that was about either. It just sounded good so I said it.
I blame Julien.*

**********************

It takes all sorts to make up society. Some characters are interesting. Some we can do without. The gay cowboy we saw, we can definitely do without. He showed up, cowboy hat, tighter pants than a guy should have, and a little black bag he carried ever so daintily in front of him as he ponced along. Ew factor definitely +2000. Without a doubt!

**********************

There are so many inconsistencies among the library staff it's not funny. For instance, it's okay to talk loudly with each other, but if you were to talk loudly on your mobile phone you'd get totally owned.
The other inconsistency we came across was over the use of the microfilm machine. This big fat lady came up to us to inform us that when you book a machine, you can have it until 2pm. After that they reserve the right to plant the boot in and evict you if necessary. Fair enough, we'd be done by then anyway. So we nodd in acknowledgement and she waddles off with her minion in toe (a trainee who seems to follow her around like a starving lost puppy dog hoping for some food).
So come 12:30pm, we decide to go for lunch. Same deal as always, on our return one of the Nazi ladies won't give our machines back without a few words of disgruntlement. "No! ROAR!!! Okay. Because I'm nice and stuff I'm going to allow you to do this, even though I'm not meant to. Remember. I'm going out of my way for you. I am your superior now. Now, I own you."
What-ev-er lady! Get over yourself. You're just a librarian. As discovered later in the day, you know very little about your job. Get this. Her solution to a computer related issue - Shut it down and restart it. Yeah, that'll fix every problem...
Your pooter has a virus - Right on, we'll shut it down and restart it. Now the virus is magically gone. YAY!

**********************

Throughout the course of collecting page after page of alphanumerical data you tend to see some rather amusing statements (See figures A and B). They may not make you laugh. But someone as mature as me finds it most entertaining.

Figure A - Smutty wheat. Heh. Wheat with bad language. I like that.


Figure B - This brings me to an important question. They have inspectors for most things. Grain inspectors, meat inspectors, ship inspectors etc... So does this mean they have butt inspectors? Imagine that. You're on the plane heading to a new country and you get that little green card to fill out. Occupation - Butt inspector. You'd be strip searched for that one, I'm sure.
And who would want to eat pork from the loin area? That just sounds dirty!

**********************

What is it about little old ladies conversing that's so funny? There were these two old ladies working side by side behind us discussing something that must have been extremely important to them. It sounded like they hadn't quite ironed out all the creases in their routine yet. But one appeared to not be giving as much of a stuff about it and decided to humour her cohort.
"I think it's essential that the name goes IN the box." "Yes. I agree. Yes." And so it went on...

**********************

Tuesday afternoon finished on a terrifying note. Upon our exit there were these strange "singing" people that congregated throughout the building.
There's a big hollow area that goes straight up the middle of the building, so it basically echos like a canyon. They situated themselves on each level, scattered strategically around the floors. Their idea of singing must have stemmed from some retarded artistic point of view. I tried to record it with my phone, but I didn't have time to perfect it. It was seriously creepy stuff. I just wanted to get the heck out of there. I don't know what it was, and I don't want to know either. All that warbling, screaming and humming was as eerie as the lake itself.

**********************

What is it with people who have to talk to those who don't speak English very well? On one of the days we were waiting at the elevators and there was this group of Japanese people. They were being shown around by some lady. So she congregates them around the lift and points to the big metal doors and says slowly and clearly, "This.is.the.elevator." Like, no way. Because the ones they have in Japan look totally different to these. They never would have known that. Not in a million years. *I roll my eyes*

**********************

Finally after an action packed Tuesday, we morph into Wednesday. I only have one thing to report for Wednesday, and that's the arrival of Barry's replacement. He's got nothing on the original, but he was certainly more verbal and proved more entertaining. He just didn't have any mystery about him.
Stephanie is the head lady librarian for the research department. As I said in my last post, she has the power but she uses it sparingly. She's hard but fair. She'll explain things to you and it'll seem like she's being an asshole, but in actual fact she's just adamantly telling you that she has the utmost confidence in you and you can do it if you just believe. Do I hear an Amen? No? Okay...
So there's this old guy who is obviously lacking in the sanity department. Not only that but he's the sort that believes others should do things for him. If he doesn't want to learn, then he won't. It's as simple as that.
He can't seem to load the reel on, so he goes to Stephanie for help. She says she'll show him, but he proceeds to start chunnering on about how he won't get it and she can just come and do it for him when he needs it done.
"No." She sternly informs him, "I'll show you how to do it. We are far too busy to keep coming back and loading the reel for you. You can do it. I'll show you how."
So after a bit of debating, he listens and watches and then starts his spiel, "Right. I'll have a go at it. I'll have a go of it. If I can't get it then I know I'm not perfect then am I? I'm not a perfect man."
The amusing part was that even after Stephanie had left he was still making his point. No one was listening to him. No one was even looking at him. But he was still talking as if there was someone standing right there still having a conversation.

He wasn't a stupid man though. He knew Stephanie wasn't going to assist him. So he actually waited for her to go to lunch, and then collared some other woman to help him. As she showed him how to do it, again, he threw in the remark "I can take them off and you can come and put them on for me."
Heh. Right...

So he's continuing to talk to himself long after the lady has left. Across from me there is an old guy working who has next to no tolerance at all. He spins around in his chair and doesn't yell, but says it loud enough for those surrounding him to hear, "Shut the up you old !"

And that's the end of that. When we go back to collect any data we missed, I'm hoping to go to the museum. I know I said that last time, but this time I'm going to try extra hard to make that happen. And if it doesn't, then it's all Julien's fault.* :o)

*Personal joke. You won't get it, but you're welcome to laugh anyway.

Chikory visits Nerd Central - Part One

That's right. Chikory went to Nerd Central again for another work-related field trip. YAY! :o)

Fortunately, it wasn't a very eventful field trip. I say fortunately because that means that there were a lot less annoying people than last time. I really don't bode well with the public. So both Julien and I were grateful for the lack of bogan idiots (My words, not his).
Anyway, on with the show...

**********************

We headed down Monday night, because it's a lot less stressful than having to be at his Aunt's place by a certain time so we don't miss our train. On the way down there were road works. This was along the highway, so you've got the decrease in speed limit - 100, 80, 60, 40. Now who wants to do 40 on the highway? Seriously? While you may try, it's just painful to do, and the person behind always shows their disgust by trying to link their car with yours from behind. You see them hunched over their wheel, chunnering on to themselves with the most disgruntled expression. So what I usually do, and what Julien did, was compromise; do 50kmph. Which got me to thinking. I wonder if that would work on a cop should you get pulled over?
"But officer Scott, I compromised. The sign said 40, the guy behind wanted me to do 60, so I did 50 to keep everyone happy."
Probably not, eh? If anyone wants to try it out and see if it works, let me know how you go.

**********************

Tuesday morning our adventure begins. Bright and early at the ripe old hour of 8:13am, we get on the train and have our first encounter with a crazy person. He was down the other end of the carriage, so it was no bother to us, but I felt sorry for the people unfortunate enough to be stuck in his immediate vicinity.

It seems this guy really liked his boots. Some poor soul made the mistake of making eye contact with him, and away he went. You could tell he was on cloud 9, thinking he had quite an audience hanging on his every word. But about 5 minutes after realising he wasn't getting any feed back (only strange looks) he eased off and pretty soon was silent.

"You know that song? Elvis' song? Don't you step on my blue suede shoes? Well that's the ad. Don't you step on my Doc Martens. See (Sticks his boot in the air and points proudly) that's me. These are my Doc Martens. Don't you step on my Doc Martens."

Riggggght fella... News flash, no one was intending on doing that, and nobody cares.


That was about all the excitement for the trains on Tuesday. Pretty boring standard commuting there. But as I said before, I don't mind that. So long as people stay the heck away from me, I'll be able to keep my mood in check and not want to go on a not-so-random, random killing rampage.


We both were wondering if our old friend, the OCD guy, would be there. When we arrived at 10am, he was no where in sight. I was a little disappointed, as he's usually there in time for the opening hoping to get his favourite machine; number 10. But my disappointment wasn't to last for long, as he showed up LATE. He actually looked less crazy. I would've thought he'd be a mess, not keeping to his dead line and all, but I guess he handled that really well. However, as the day went on, he started to look worse and worse.
He's got one of those hair doo's that could be a potential comb over. Completely bald on top, and a little bit of hair around the outside. And let me just say, for a guy with OCD, he really needs to learn how to wash his small amount of hair. It looks so greasy and disgusting it's not funny. His hair sticks straight out the sides (but not the back), and desperately needs to become acquainted with a comb. Ohmog, like, ew!

But back to my point. We found out his name. He must have been on the waiting list for a machine because when it became available the lady at the front desk called out for him. "BARRY!"
Ah ha! His name is Barry! He looks like a Barry, too. You're all feeling hella smart and informed now that you know that, huh? I know I am. It's actually nice to have a name instead of just "OCD Man/Guy" or "Our friend". Although Julien quite adamantly tells me that he's not his friend, he's mine. Heh. I guess crazy people just gravitate towards their own kind (I'm going to get in trouble for writing that. I'm kidding, though. <:o( Sorry...). Anyway, I'm really curious to know what he's doing. But how to find out? That's something I'm going to spend the next 3 days contemplating. I just need a plan of attack before Tuesday when we return to finish the job. That sounds like a killing or something, doesn't it? I should've added evil laughter.

**********************

Wednesday. You know it took me ages to learn how to spell that word at school? Just a bit of pointless info for your brains.

Barry was on time. I've noticed that he goes to the right side of the glass doors and stands as close to them as possible. I swear his nose is almost touching the glass. I suppose he thinks that if he stands that close they'll take pity on him and open the library sooner. Sort of like the puppy dog sitting in the pet shop giving everyone a "please love me, I'm so bored in here" stare. Although, when the doors do finally open he charges in there like an angry bull, so he may just think that the extra 2 seconds he gains from being so near to the entrance will make all the world of difference as to what machine he gets.
But HA! The jokes on him. We BOOKED machine 10.

We can only book because we come from far away to use the microfilm machines. Anyone living in the city gets put on a waiting list and have to come back later. This has its perks, too. Because when they have a large waiting list, the evil female librarians come along and start kicking people off. They can't do this to us, 'cause we're all special and stuffs, so this ticks them off.


There was this older couple on a machine close to mine. I thought this worth mentioning, I know a lot of people wearing glasses have done this at one stage. I know I have. But this guy did it every single time he put his glasses on. How you can manage to poke yourself square in the eye about 10 times or more without twigging that you're doing something wrong is beyond me. After 2 or 3 times I'd be thinking that there needs to be some serious changes made to my method of attack.

Last but not least for Wednesday, we have a picture. Yes, I can take cool picture images with ma telamaphone and put 'em on ma pooter now. They're not the greatest quality, but it's better than nothing. Anyway, I'm sure you've all seen this sticker on a car before. I found it amusing, so I thought I'd be nice and share. There's more happiness in giving than there is in receiving you know.

**********************

Last day for the week. Thursday. It's all downhill on Thursday... I hate those Australia Post ads. Damn it! I just assisted their cause didn't I? I guess the ads are doing their job then, huh?

Library ladies. What is it with them? I know I mentioned this last time, but I'm going to mention it again.
It seems that when you get females in charge of anything they sense their power and decide to exact vengeance on anything and everything they can. Even if it doesn't move they'll order it about with a full blown bitchiness that only the female gender can master.
The male staff, they're cruisy as. "You wanna go to lunch? Sure! That's fine. See you in 35 minutes." "You're unsure of what to do? Okay, I'll tell you. I'll talk TO you, not DOWN to you."

You should hear them explaining things to the noobs who don't know what they're doing. It's like they're simpletons and have immense difficulty understanding even the most basic of English terms. It's so disrespectful and offensive. I hate that.

As I said before they can't kick us off when there's a waiting list because we're weary little travellers and that would just be the epitome of cruelty. I believe this really ticks off the female staff (excluding one - Stephanie. She's nice. She has the power but she uses it sparingly). We're there from 10 until about 3:30, sometimes 4pm. They can't possibly expect us to not have any food in that time. You can't eat in the library, but you can bring gum in (in your mouth is acceptable, but in the packet is a no go) so we leave for 35 minutes and come back.
For the first 2 days it was no problem. We'd leave, we'd return in the allotted time, and all was well. However on the last day the evil leader of this posse decided that - "NO! You can not do that! There's a new rule I've just made up, and you can't book machines in the afternoon. Only the morning. HOWEVER! I am going to go out of my way. I'm bending over backwards for you, my head is on the chopping block so you owe me for my greatness. I'm going to let you have those machines back because I'm just so kind and lovely."
*Cough*Garbage*Cough*
I've pulled off more difficult rubbish stories than that during my time at Woolworths much more convincingly.

It's just amazing. If you talk to someone different you get a different story. The rules are forever changing and materialising depending on the mood of the person.

Why do female employees in higher ranking positions turn super Nazi? Can anyone out there answer me that?